Moms and Maids

Help with my Bridesmaids - What should the I (the Bride) pay for?

Not sure if this topic is in the right spot but its worth a shot!

Bride here getting married in November of this year! I only have 5 bridesmaids and decided to keep my bridal party on the smaller side. I'm not sure typically what I should be paying for the girls? I've read that I should either be paying for their dresses or their hair and makeup - what about tip? This is where my dilemma starts, my girls aren't paying for my bachelortte party - we got lucky that someone knows someone to let us stay at their beach house for the weekend, and they're not throwing my bridal shower - my mother and future MIL are paying for everything so those are two major expenses that they've been spared from. I hate to sound rude/bridezilla but I feel that since the girls are saving money would it be acceptable for them to pay for their own dresses, hair & makeup? I do plan to buy them all matching accessories, an outfit for getting ready in, and our hotel room for the night before. What does a bride do?
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Re: Help with my Bridesmaids - What should the I (the Bride) pay for?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
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    Not sure if this topic is in the right spot but its worth a shot!

    Bride here getting married in November of this year! I only have 5 bridesmaids and decided to keep my bridal party on the smaller side. I'm not sure typically what I should be paying for the girls? I've read that I should either be paying for their dresses or their hair and makeup - what about tip? This is where my dilemma starts, my girls aren't paying for my bachelortte party - we got lucky that someone knows someone to let us stay at their beach house for the weekend, and they're not throwing my bridal shower - my mother and future MIL are paying for everything so those are two major expenses that they've been spared from. I hate to sound rude/bridezilla but I feel that since the girls are saving money would it be acceptable for them to pay for their own dresses, hair & makeup? I do plan to buy them all matching accessories, an outfit for getting ready in, and our hotel room for the night before. What does a bride do?


    Where are you located? Where I am from the bride pays for everything. 

    What I understand in America is they only pay for the dress that is in their budget. Are you requiring hair and makeup? If so, you have to pay for it. 
    short+sassy

  • lnixon8 said:

    You do not need to pay for their hair/makeup plus tip UNLESS you are requiring it. 

    You ask bridesmaids for the dress budget. You find a dress that costs at or below the lowest budget.  Or you pay for them, or you do every bridesmaids favorite "pick a dress in X color".

    The fact that they're not paying for your shower or bachlorette (lets be honest, once you get there they WILL spend money) doesn't make any difference.

    You have to get them a gift. The accessories and getting ready outfits do not count at all. Its like buying decorations for your wedding (centerpieces, chair covers etc.). The hotel room is nice but also not a thank you gift. Thank you should be personalized- not about your wedding. Shop for them like its their birthday. Handwritten note and a giftc ard to their favorite restaurant, book by their favorite author, tea for the tea drinker etc. is 100X better than a cup/tank top/overnight bag with "brides tribe" on it.

    What's a bride to do? Let go (a little!) If you let them wear their own accessories, give "parameters" for a dress, and don't make them pose for pictures in a bathrobe your bridesmaids, I promise, your pictures will look great (possible even better because they are comfortable!). 



    Thanks for the feed back so quickly! I do plan to give my girls thank you's- but this was just specifically for hair, dresses & make up. My girls have their dresses already, obviously its too late to buy those since they've already received them - no one complained about buying their own dresses. I guess I'll have to re-budget for hair and make up.

    Thanks!
  • banana468banana468
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    lnixon8 said:


    You do not need to pay for their hair/makeup plus tip UNLESS you are requiring it. 

    You ask bridesmaids for the dress budget. You find a dress that costs at or below the lowest budget.  Or you pay for them, or you do every bridesmaids favorite "pick a dress in X color".

    The fact that they're not paying for your shower or bachlorette (lets be honest, once you get there they WILL spend money) doesn't make any difference.

    You have to get them a gift. The accessories and getting ready outfits do not count at all. Its like buying decorations for your wedding (centerpieces, chair covers etc.). The hotel room is nice but also not a thank you gift. Thank you should be personalized- not about your wedding. Shop for them like its their birthday. Handwritten note and a giftc ard to their favorite restaurant, book by their favorite author, tea for the tea drinker etc. is 100X better than a cup/tank top/overnight bag with "brides tribe" on it.

    What's a bride to do? Let go (a little!) If you let them wear their own accessories, give "parameters" for a dress, and don't make them pose for pictures in a bathrobe your bridesmaids, I promise, your pictures will look great (possible even better because they are comfortable!). 





    Thanks for the feed back so quickly! I do plan to give my girls thank you's- but this was just specifically for hair, dresses & make up. My girls have their dresses already, obviously its too late to buy those since they've already received them - no one complained about buying their own dresses. I guess I'll have to re-budget for hair and make up.

    Thanks!


    You could make hair/ makeup optional.   I've paid for my own because I wanted to even when the bride didn't require it. 
    ernursejcharlotte989875
  • I was in a similar situation. My BMs paid for their own dresses - which were in their budget - and I requested they have a sash with the dress, so I paid for that. I gave them an option of two different lip colours to wear for the wedding and I paid for that.

    They opted to pay for their own nails as it was part of the bachelorette party - but they opted for whatever they wanted {fake, shellac, etc} I requested they keep within colour scheme, and they were fine with that as they all liked the colours {I got lucky}
  • kaos16kaos16
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    I was in a similar situation. My BMs paid for their own dresses - which were in their budget - and I requested they have a sash with the dress, so I paid for that. I gave them an option of two different lip colours to wear for the wedding and I paid for that.

    They opted to pay for their own nails as it was part of the bachelorette party - but they opted for whatever they wanted {fake, shellac, etc} I requested they keep within colour scheme, and they were fine with that as they all liked the colours {I got lucky}


    Just wondering:  Did they have to wear lipstick?  Are these girls that typically do wear lipstick for events?  I'm asking because I would find it strange if a bride gave my lip color choices simply because I do not wear lipstick ever.  If you had a bridesmaid like me, what would you do?
    adk19charlotte989875InLoveInQueens

  • kaos16 said:





    I was in a similar situation. My BMs paid for their own dresses - which were in their budget - and I requested they have a sash with the dress, so I paid for that. I gave them an option of two different lip colours to wear for the wedding and I paid for that.

    They opted to pay for their own nails as it was part of the bachelorette party - but they opted for whatever they wanted {fake, shellac, etc} I requested they keep within colour scheme, and they were fine with that as they all liked the colours {I got lucky}




    Just wondering:  Did they have to wear lipstick?  Are these girls that typically do wear lipstick for events?  I'm asking because I would find it strange if a bride gave my lip color choices simply because I do not wear lipstick ever.  If you had a bridesmaid like me, what would you do?


    They are lippy girls, and they weren't just lipstick. It was a few options of style and colour to ensure that what they chose was something they would actually want.
    Example - I wore a red lipstain, but one of my friends wore a more nude {light pink} gloss that was very light and she preferred subtle looks.

    Idk what I'd do, just because I got lucky and my girls are lippy types. I probably would have asked if wanted something clear - if not, then no worries.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    Not sure if this topic is in the right spot but its worth a shot!

    Bride here getting married in November of this year! I only have 5 bridesmaids and decided to keep my bridal party on the smaller side. I'm not sure typically what I should be paying for the girls? I've read that I should either be paying for their dresses or their hair and makeup - what about tip? This is where my dilemma starts, my girls aren't paying for my bachelortte party - we got lucky that someone knows someone to let us stay at their beach house for the weekend, and they're not throwing my bridal shower - my mother and future MIL are paying for everything so those are two major expenses that they've been spared from. I hate to sound rude/bridezilla but I feel that since the girls are saving money would it be acceptable for them to pay for their own dresses, hair & makeup? I do plan to buy them all matching accessories, an outfit for getting ready in, and our hotel room for the night before. What does a bride do?


    Your bridesmaids are required to show up for your wedding wearing the dress that they have purchased.  The should be decently groomed and sober.  They stand up with you when you say your vows, and they pose for photos.  That is all that you should expect them to do.  You are honoring THEM by asking them to be in your wedding party.  They are not honoring YOU.

    Bachelorette parties and showers are completely optional.  The bridesmaids are not expected to give them or to pay for them, though they might choose to do this.  Many brides do not have these parties at all.  To be concerned about what portion of expense your bridesmaids are paying does border on the bridezilla, and, yes, it is rude.

    If you require anything else besides buying the dress, (Hair, makeup, special shoes, accessories) then you should pay for this yourself.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • One of my best friends "required" her bridesmaids to get makeup professionally done for her wedding, and she didn't pay for it. I love my friend and could afford it at the time, so I decided it wasn't my hill to die on. But I didn't appreciate paying $75 to look like a clown and have a broken-out face for the rest of the week.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensMesmrEweeileenrob
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    Does anybody know when having professional make up done became a thing for weddings?  No brides did this 40 years ago.  As a former theater person, the last thing I want is somebody slathering makeup on me that isn't what I would normally choose to wear!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • redoryxredoryx
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    CMGragain said:


    Does anybody know when having professional make up done became a thing for weddings?  No brides did this 40 years ago.  As a former theater person, the last thing I want is somebody slathering makeup on me that isn't what I would normally choose to wear!




    Idk when it became "a thing" but theatre makeup, especially from back in the day, is significantly different than even full face makeup today. Makeup today is much lighter and barely comparable to stage makeup.


    Seriously. I've worn stage makeup. It's not stage makeup by any stretch of the imagination.

    I had professional makeup done for my sister's wedding (she paid) and it was super light and the MUA took my taste / look into account so it was similar to what I would normally wear on an everyday basis, just a little bit more dramatic. 
    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • Your BMs pay for their dresses. Hopefully you've asked their budgets (privately) and chosen a dress that fits within the lowest budget. Or you can do what's becoming more popular and give them a few guidelines (color, length, fabric type, etc) and let them choose their own. I gave my BMs those guidelines and they oddly enough all chose similar-looking dresses totally on their own!

    Anything else you want, you pay for. Matching jewelry doesn't count as a gift. If you require hair/makeup/nails/etc, you have to cover the cost + tip. When asking your BMs if they want to participate in any of those things, try to give them an idea of the cost ahead of time. 

    The point of a wedding party is to honor important people in your life, and the best way to do that is to make things as easy and stress-less for those people as possible. Non-matching parties are becoming more popular for those reasons. I've been in a few weddings where everything was matching and had a lot of fun, but I still remember how salty I was having to buy a dress over my budget, finding out the day of that I had to pay $80 for a hairstyle I hated, etc. When I look at photos from our wedding, it makes me happy to see my BMs looking happy, comfortable, and like themselves.
    SP29InLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • I got my makeup professionally done because I have marginal makeup skills. I had a run through beforehand. I loved it. It was light and not caked on. Natural and yet it stayed on. Loved it.
    MesmrEwe
  • banana468banana468
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    I had my makeup done for my wedding and SIL's wedding.   It wasn't stage makeup.   It's just better quality stuff.  I find that if I'm using drugstore brand items like eyeshadow there's a significant fade over time.   My wedding makeup stayed PUT on our 100 degree day and I didn't look like I had Maybelline melting. 
  • Like Scribe and Banana, I had my makeup done because I have limited makeup skills and it would have costs me more to buy all of the high end products than it costs to have someone  do it for me. 
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I had my make up professionally done as well because I do not have those skills. Usually MUA are using high ends products that probably most of us wouldn't buy. They know how and what to apply to make it last and look good in photos. It's definitely not slathered.

    To answer your question OP- the only thing required of your BMs is to pay for the dress; one that fits their budget. Either pick a dress that fits the lowest budget, or give your BMs a colour and let them pick their own (I told my WP, "David's Bridal, midnight blue, cocktail length").

    Anything else you require (hair, make up, shoes, jewelry) you should pay for, and it isn't a gift, because it's for your wedding. You can let your BMs know you are getting hair and make up done at X salon at Y time for Z price if they would like to get it done as well at their cost, but it must be optional. My MOH did her own hair and make up, and my BM came to the salon to get her hair done but did her own make up.

    All of this is regardless of how much money they are spending on the bachelorette or shower, as no one is required to host one of these parties for you.

  • CMGragain said:

    Does anybody know when having professional make up done became a thing for weddings?  No brides did this 40 years ago.  As a former theater person, the last thing I want is somebody slathering makeup on me that isn't what I would normally choose to wear!


    Other than makeup being different from years ago {even 20yrs ago}, many brides want to ensure they look good. No discolouration, healthy glow, maybe a touch of colour on the cheeks or eyes. Liner to make sure eyes are opened.

    Many companies are also ensuring that even if you're wearing a full face that it doesn't feel thick or heavy.

    I've worked with theater makeup as well, it is also vastly different and many brands are used for covering up because it is a different type of makeup.
    {example: theater makeup for covering tattoos for some people - or scars}
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    Interesting responses.  Thank you, ladies.  I still like being in control of my own makeup, though.  Daughter had her makeup done for her wedding.  She was pleased with it, but I honestly thought she looked better when she did her own.  I kept my mouth shut, of course.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • banana468banana468
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    CMGragain said:

    Interesting responses.  Thank you, ladies.  I still like being in control of my own makeup, though.  Daughter had her makeup done for her wedding.  She was pleased with it, but I honestly thought she looked better when she did her own.  I kept my mouth shut, of course.


    I think that's why a lot of brides opt for a trial first.  

    I know that I made a change to my mascara for my own wedding makeup but other than that I loved it and loved that it didn't move.  Not once did I feel like I was wearing something heavy and as someone who always gets the lightest foundation available, I didn't have a funky jaw either.   


    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875
  • My trial I thought it was a little overdone - didn't look quite like myself. I told her, she backed it down for the day. Made my own shade of lipstick I could carry around that day with an amazing powder. Way better quality than the stuff I buy.
    charlotte989875
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Many years ago (30+) I was in a wedding where the bride and MOH had their makeup done and it looked like clown makeup (especially the MOH). DD had hers done (trial first) and she looked great - natural, but a little more. I decided based on her trial to have mine done and was so glad I did. 

  • CMGragain said:

    Interesting responses.  Thank you, ladies.  I still like being in control of my own makeup, though.  Daughter had her makeup done for her wedding.  She was pleased with it, but I honestly thought she looked better when she did her own.  I kept my mouth shut, of course.


    Many women prefer to do their own. :)
    Actually for my friend's wedding, we had our makeup done but unfortunately the girl who did it we didn't have a trial with. So it didn't turn out well.
    Luckily, my friend and I are good with makeup so it was quickly fixed when we got back to my friend's place.

    At the end of the day, if the bride likes it that's really all that matters
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    A friend of mine is a MUA so I went to the store where she works so she could do me up properly and I could learn how she did it. I bought several of the products too. Then, I did my own makeup for engagement photos and the wedding using the products and her tactics. I'm not used to using a heavier hand for makeup to show up well in photos, so it was really helpful. 

    I also had makeup done professionally for a wedding only once before- the MUAs used airbrushing and it turned out really nice. 

    I think it's important to allow your bridal party to CHOOSE professionally-done or done on their own. There was a recent SYTTD special where the bride went through like, 4 make-up trials and hated them all. She was so damn uptight and the one showed on the show, she looked great but even her fiance said she looked bad. Our faces are so personal! A person can feel like crap on the inside even if others think they look good. Honestly, even though we say if you're going to require it, pay for it, I would implore any bride to let people choose if they want it done professionally or not. 
    ________________________________


    charlotte989875SP29
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
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    I'm used to doing my own stage makeup and hired a MUA for a photo shoot last year.  What a waste of $75!  The makeup was great to go out and about in, but for a photo shoot it was WAY underdone.  Then it melted off before we even got the first picture taken - I looked like Alice Cooper before the end of the shoot because the eye makeup she used kept running (I asked for waterproof for a reason!).  I can understand why those who don't have a lot of experience with makeup would hire someone to do it for them.  Last year I did my niece's Prom makeup and it was I think the second time she'd ever had it on her face.  
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
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    There is also a fine line between doing makeup for photos vs an "every day" look without photos.  Photos do require a tad more makeup than usual to bring out certain things like cheekbones, eyes, etc.  A good makeup artist knows the optimal application of makeup to make you stand out flawlessly in photos without looking like a clown in person. And, once again, makeup for wedding is very, very different than stage makeup. 


    image
    charlotte989875redoryxSP29
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