Moms and Maids

Help with my Bridesmaids - What should the I (the Bride) pay for?

2»

Re: Help with my Bridesmaids - What should the I (the Bride) pay for?

  • divarhddivarhd
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 
    Met: 5/4/16
    Dating: 6/21/16
    Engaged: 3/20/17
    Wedding: 2/24/18

  • divarhd said:

    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 

    A lot can happen in nine months. I hope their dresses still fit by the time of the wedding.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    InLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member




    divarhd said:


    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 




    If you want silver shoes you need to pay for them. 


    I disagree. If she wants a specific silver shoe, she needs to pay for them. If she says just wear whatever silver shoe you want then she doesn't. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member









    divarhd said:



    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 






    If you want silver shoes you need to pay for them. 




    I disagree. If she wants a specific silver shoe, she needs to pay for them. If she says just wear whatever silver shoe you want then she doesn't. 



    This is a fine line, made a little bit better for me by the fact that the dress is so cheap. I don't consider silver a real neutral, or to be more precise, something I would wear again with my wardrobe.

    Anniversary

    Heffalump
  • I think specifying a shoe color in any neutral is fine.   It starts to walk a fine line when we say "That's not something I wear" because I'm now at the point where I hardly ever wear a black heel but some would call that neutral.

    IMO, if you say dress shoes in silver, gold, black, nude or brown you're fine.   It's when you get into specifics of style, heel height or actually picking a specific shoe that it runs into yuck. 
    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassySTARMOON44

  • banana468 said:

    I think specifying a shoe color in any neutral is fine.   It starts to walk a fine line when we say "That's not something I wear" because I'm now at the point where I hardly ever wear a black heel but some would call that neutral.

    IMO, if you say dress shoes in silver, gold, black, nude or brown you're fine.   It's when you get into specifics of style, heel height or actually picking a specific shoe that it runs into yuck. 


    But she's not saying any neutral color... she's specifically saying silver, which really isn't a common neutral shoe color, IMO. Nude/black/brown yes, but not silver. I'd have to go buy a new pair of shoes if silver was specified, whereas if it were just specified as a neutral color shoe then I'd be set. 
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    image
    geebee908InLoveInQueens
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member




    banana468 said:


    I think specifying a shoe color in any neutral is fine.   It starts to walk a fine line when we say "That's not something I wear" because I'm now at the point where I hardly ever wear a black heel but some would call that neutral.

    IMO, if you say dress shoes in silver, gold, black, nude or brown you're fine.   It's when you get into specifics of style, heel height or actually picking a specific shoe that it runs into yuck. 




    But she's not saying any neutral color... she's specifically saying silver, which really isn't a common neutral shoe color, IMO. Nude/black/brown yes, but not silver. I'd have to go buy a new pair of shoes if silver was specified, whereas if it were just specified as a neutral color shoe then I'd be set. 


    Gold and silver are considered neutral. Neutral means that they would go with anything. It might not be a neutral that you prefer, but as banana pointed out you're walking a fine line by saying only pick things everyone would normally wear. Personally, I don't wear brown shoes so if I had to buy a pair for a wedding I'd never wear them again.

    DD had to buy a pair of bronze shoes for a wedding and thought she wouldn't wear them much. She ended up wearing them until they fell apart - bronze was really in for a few years.
    STARMOON44knottief16b91b9887217a6
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I think most people (including me) would consider nude shoes to be a neutral and an acceptable shoe color to specify without the bride paying for it, yet I don't and have never owned a pair of nude shoes. Sometimes that happens. 

    STARMOON44
  • divarhddivarhd
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member




    divarhd said:


    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 




    If you want silver shoes you need to pay for them. 


    No, I don't need to pay for them.  I don't care if they wear silver sneakers as long as they're silver.  I specifically chose a very nice dress, that they can get when they're ready @LadyCatherineDB, that's super inexpensive.  And since I was responsible for everything for myself for most of THEIR weddings, they're responsible for their dress & their own shoes.
    Met: 5/4/16
    Dating: 6/21/16
    Engaged: 3/20/17
    Wedding: 2/24/18
    knottief16b91b9887217a6

  • divarhd said:








    divarhd said:



    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 






    If you want silver shoes you need to pay for them. 




    No, I don't need to pay for them.  I don't care if they wear silver sneakers as long as they're silver.  I specifically chose a very nice dress, that they can get when they're ready @LadyCatherineDB, that's super inexpensive.  And since I was responsible for everything for myself for most of THEIR weddings, they're responsible for their dress & their own shoes.


    Except that's a terrible way to look at things. Just because other people asked you to purchase things specifically for their wedding doesn't mean you should do that, nor that you had to do those things for your friends you didn't want to. 
    InLoveInQueenslevioosa

  • divarhd said:








    divarhd said:



    I picked out the BM dress and told my BMs that's gonna be it.  That dress is, however, only $37.  I want silver shoes, but everything else (hair, makeup) I don't care what they do. 






    If you want silver shoes you need to pay for them. 




    No, I don't need to pay for them.  I don't care if they wear silver sneakers as long as they're silver.  I specifically chose a very nice dress, that they can get when they're ready @LadyCatherineDB, that's super inexpensive.  And since I was responsible for everything for myself for most of THEIR weddings, they're responsible for their dress & their own shoes.

    I misunderstood. I thought that their dress purchasing deadline had passed. I am happy to be wrong. Waiting until closer to the date to order the dresses makes much more sense.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    MissKittyDanger
  • Clearly there is a divide on whether you should a) require a specific color shoe and b) whether you should pay for it. 

    Etiquette wise you can do either. 

    Personally I couldn't have cared less what shoes my bridesmaids wore.
    InLoveInQueens

  • scribe95 said:

    Clearly there is a divide on whether you should a) require a specific color shoe and b) whether you should pay for it. 

    Etiquette wise you can do either. 

    Personally I couldn't have cared less what shoes my bridesmaids wore.


    I suggested black for my wedding because I knew everyone had a black shoe. I didn't care if it was new
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
  • At mine I freely admit I think silver looked better. But one bridesmaid wore black and that was A-okay. Up to her.
    MissKittyDanger
  • edited August 9
    Thank you everyone for all the responses!! I'm going to make hair and
    make up optional if they want it - I'll pay for it and if not they are
    more than welcome to do their own hair and makeup. They will have free
    run of how they want their hair and make up and will have their choices
    of shoes as well. I'm not requiring any specific hair styles because I
    know not everyone will look and feel comfortable in something they don't
    like.

    Thanks again ladies!!
    Optional is a good idea. My bridesmaids paid for their own dresses within a reasonable budget (no breaking the bank, here!!) and as a rule of thumb, they should pay for their own hair (at least where I'm from), but anything more is coming out of your own pocket. I've been in weddings where the bride has paid for things like manicures/makeup if that's what she wants. 
2»
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards