Destination Weddings

PSA: Thinking of getting married before your DW?

So my sister is having a DW in a couple weeks. All along, she & her FI told us they were heading down a few days early to meet the requirements to get married in Mexico. Well. I got a text from my mom this weekend with a picture of their legal ceremony in a park near where they live. My parents said they didn't know it was happening either, until a friend of my sister's told them. 

I am...way more hurt than I thought I'd be. My sister never seemed like the type who wanted the big fancy white wedding, and the small ceremony in the park seemed much more "them." I feel really cheated now having to spend a bunch of money to travel to a place I wouldn't choose, and having to participate in a mock ceremony. I know an invitation is not a summons, but it's my sister so I'm not going to NOT go. I never thought I would be the person who was upset about something like this, and I'm usually pretty understanding.

If anyone lurking or new is considering the same thing...your guests may not tell you how they're feeling. They might even still come and have fun. They maybe don't even know it would bother them to put all of that time and money into not seeing you legally get married. Do you really want to start your lives together deceiving your friends & family?
InLoveInQueenssparklepants41Heffalumpthisismynickname2southernbelle0915DrillSergeantCatlevioosaeileenrobPrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMomshort+sassy
«13

Re: PSA: Thinking of getting married before your DW?



  • So my sister is having a DW in a couple weeks. All along, she & her FI told us they were heading down a few days early to meet the requirements to get married in Mexico. Well. I got a text from my mom this weekend with a picture of their legal ceremony in a park near where they live. My parents said they didn't know it was happening either, until a friend of my sister's told them. 

    I am...way more hurt than I thought I'd be. My sister never seemed like the type who wanted the big fancy white wedding, and the small ceremony in the park seemed much more "them." I feel really cheated now having to spend a bunch of money to travel to a place I wouldn't choose, and having to participate in a mock ceremony. I know an invitation is not a summons, but it's my sister so I'm not going to NOT go. I never thought I would be the person who was upset about something like this, and I'm usually pretty understanding.

    If anyone lurking or new is considering the same thing...your guests may not tell you how they're feeling. They might even still come and have fun. They maybe don't even know it would bother them to put all of that time and money into not seeing you legally get married. Do you really want to start your lives together deceiving your friends & family?



    I agree. I personally would not be offended or angry but I could def see how others could. I love traveling and I'll go anywhere and I have a large list of places I want to see so to me I would just look @ it as an opportunity to go on another vacation.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Does your sister know that you know? It has to hurt also that they didn't tell their family and your mother had to find out from one of your sister's friends.
    DrillSergeantCatSP29


  • geebee908 said:

    Does your sister know that you know? It has to hurt also that they didn't tell their family and your mother had to find out from one of your sister's friends.


    Well she didn't say anything to myself or our other sister, but she posted it on Facebook and I commented on that soooo I guess she knows I know? And they obviously weren't trying to keep anything under wraps. I haven't contacted her because I didn't want to say anything too harsh, and I was out of town when I initially found out.
    short+sassy

  • MobKaz said:









    geebee908 said:



    Does your sister know that you know? It has to hurt also that they didn't tell their family and your mother had to find out from one of your sister's friends.






    Well she didn't say anything to myself or our other sister, but she posted it on Facebook and I commented on that soooo I guess she knows I know? And they obviously weren't trying to keep anything under wraps. I haven't contacted her because I didn't want to say anything too harsh, and I was out of town when I initially found out.




    Wow.  I would not be able to keep quiet. 

    There is much to be "read between the lines" here from an objective POV.  Did sister deliberately post this on FB versus making a personal announcement to test the waters and see how family would react?  Was she lying to family the entire time?  Again, from an outside POV, this seems incredibly deliberate and hurtful.  I would be upset that she married/eloped?  Was anyone else present?  If she included anyone, I would be even more upset.

    This is not something I could ignore.  I would feel incredibly duped, particularly if I had been involved in hosting showers or other pre-wedding events.  Do you know whether she will even continue with the facade on this no-longer-a-DW trip?  God love you.  This is absolutely NOT something I would handle gracefully.


    I don't know if she ever planned to tell our parents or not, but only immediate family was invited to the DW, so our extended family probably didn't care either way. The place they got married was a 5 mile hike into their favorite state park, which looked amazing but also probably was not a spur of the moment decision. They did have friends there, which also contributed to me being upset. And yes, they're still going through with the charade wedding at the DW...and I'm in the "wedding" yippee!
    InLoveInQueensSP29eileenrob
  • I think it's selfish to be upset. The legal/courthouse piece of it is truly what makes the marriage official, but to some it is nothing more than signing a piece of  paper. The symbolic ceremony is what means more to the couple. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited June 12
    @ahoywedding, I am  so very sorry that your sister decided to do such a selfish, thoughtless thing.  You have my complete sympathy.
    I considered eloping, but decided to go through with our planned ceremony.  If we had eloped, we would have immediately contacted all our guests PERSONALLY, apologized, and offered to reimburse them for any expenses.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ahoyweddingSP29
  • Thanks for the support everyone! I did buy the "cancel for any reason" insurance and thought about cancelling for a hot minute, but I'm sharing a room with my other sister and it would put her in a bad spot if I backed out. Plus it's likely I won't see that sister until sometime in the fall, so I'd hate to miss that opportunity. I still haven't said anything to the sister who got married, but I think I might wait until I can say something in person.

    I talked to my mom about it last night and she said maybe she's more comfortable around her friends than us, which I guess could be true. I still feel like does doesn't quite want us to be part of her life though, which is the crappy part.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueenssparklepants41
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member


    I think it's selfish to be upset. The legal/courthouse piece of it is truly what makes the marriage official, but to some it is nothing more than signing a piece of  paper. The symbolic ceremony is what means more to the couple. 



    charlotte989875InLoveInQueenseileenrob






  • Thanks for the support everyone! I did buy the "cancel for any reason" insurance and thought about cancelling for a hot minute, but I'm sharing a room with my other sister and it would put her in a bad spot if I backed out. Plus it's likely I won't see that sister until sometime in the fall, so I'd hate to miss that opportunity. I still haven't said anything to the sister who got married, but I think I might wait until I can say something in person.

    I talked to my mom about it last night and she said maybe she's more comfortable around her friends than us, which I guess could be true. I still feel like does doesn't quite want us to be part of her life though, which is the crappy part.




    Does the sister you were sharing a room with know? What does she think?

    Even if your sister is more comfortable around her friends, why the need for the DW?


    Yes, my other sister knows (mom sent a group text over the weekend). She's feeling the same way as I am, but didn't get travel insurance so her only option pretty much is to go or lose the money (that she didn't have in the first place).
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    Wait, doesn't your new SIL have health problems that would make flying difficult?

    That bodes well for that marriage.


  • Wait, doesn't your new SIL have health problems that would make flying difficult?

    That bodes well for that marriage.


    YES that's another issue! The whole situation is full of red flags. I really want to be happy for my sister but jeez Louise is she making it difficult.
    InLoveInQueensCMGragain


  • I don't get this. I'm about as PPD lite as they come on this site, but if it's just a "piece of paper", then treat it like a piece of paper. If you have a whole special ceremony, then clearly that's not what it means to you.

    And a DW on top of it...oh boy, what a mess.


    The wedding is in a couple weeks, I'll report back on how it goes!
«13
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards