Moms and Maids

Mother of the bride responsibilities

So...I really need advice on my mom..we have always been very close.. best friend close..and I am the only child which probably makes a difference..  but lately I want nothing to do with her.. 

She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point. 
My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't  OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens,  plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure. 
Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights. 
We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months.. 

What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works.. 

Any suggestions would be appreciated 

Thanks ♡ 

Re: Mother of the bride responsibilities

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 13






    So...I really need advice on my mom..we have always been very close.. best friend close..and I am the only child which probably makes a difference..  but lately I want nothing to do with her.. 

    She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point. 
    My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
    It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't  OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens,  plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure. 
    Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights. 
    We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months.. 

    What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works.. 

    Any suggestions would be appreciated 

    Thanks ♡ 



     


    Unless your Mom is paying for your wedding, stop talking about it with her.  Your Mom does not need to be "involved" with your wedding.  Order her a nice corsage, and have her seated as the MOB just before the ceremony.  That is all you need to do.  Your Mom will not magically change into a different person just because it is your wedding.
    Lots of brides have families that are difficult.  I shopped for my dress alone and planned my entire wedding without my mother's input.  It was fine.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • If she's your best friend, can you have a heart to heart with her? Tell her you are starting to feel overwhelmed by her negativity. Tell her that her comments and approach have made wedding planning not fun. Tell her that it has literally made you dread the next few months. Remind her that, at the end of the day, this is a party. Then be sure to tell her how she could do things differently. 

    If you do not feel you can have that conversation, or if you have that conversation and it is unproductive... I would consider the following: If your mom is not paying, you can discontinue talking to her about wedding details. If your mom is paying, you need to include her on anything she's paying for. If she's giving you a lump sum but it's not covering the total cost of the wedding, then let her know you're using her contribution toward XYZ (e.g. photographer, venue, dress). Then THOSE are the things she can be involved in and you are not obligated to discuss other things (e.g. cake, centerpieces, flowers, favors) with her. That will at least decrease the burden of having her involved in every little detail.
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    DrillSergeantCatMairePoppySP29downtondiva
  • If you and your mother have the relationship you say you do, a true heart to heart conversation is what is needed. You need to be honest (but not mean/rude) and vocalize how you feel. There maybe some hurt feelings, so prepare yourself.  
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyMairePoppy
  • OP, I am curious.  What kind of suggestions have you made that your Mom thinks are "terrible ideas"?  I don't know, but maybe she is right?
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    What on earth is a "bridal extravaganza"? Do you mean shopping for your wedding dress?

    Anniversary



  • What on earth is a "bridal extravaganza"? Do you mean shopping for your wedding dress?


    I think one of those bridal expos, usually held in a large hotel or convention center that brings in all different area vendors, often has giveaways or discounts if you book from that event. 
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