Moms and Maids

Mother of the bride responsibilities

So...I really need advice on my mom..we have always been very close.. best friend close..and I am the only child which probably makes a difference..  but lately I want nothing to do with her.. 

She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point. 
My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't  OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens,  plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure. 
Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights. 
We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months.. 

What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works.. 

Any suggestions would be appreciated 

Thanks ♡ 

Re: Mother of the bride responsibilities

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 13






    So...I really need advice on my mom..we have always been very close.. best friend close..and I am the only child which probably makes a difference..  but lately I want nothing to do with her.. 

    She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point. 
    My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
    It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't  OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens,  plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure. 
    Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights. 
    We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months.. 

    What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works.. 

    Any suggestions would be appreciated 

    Thanks ♡ 



     


    Unless your Mom is paying for your wedding, stop talking about it with her.  Your Mom does not need to be "involved" with your wedding.  Order her a nice corsage, and have her seated as the MOB just before the ceremony.  That is all you need to do.  Your Mom will not magically change into a different person just because it is your wedding.
    Lots of brides have families that are difficult.  I shopped for my dress alone and planned my entire wedding without my mother's input.  It was fine.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • If you and your mother have the relationship you say you do, a true heart to heart conversation is what is needed. You need to be honest (but not mean/rude) and vocalize how you feel. There maybe some hurt feelings, so prepare yourself.  
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyMairePoppy
  • OP, I am curious.  What kind of suggestions have you made that your Mom thinks are "terrible ideas"?  I don't know, but maybe she is right?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    What on earth is a "bridal extravaganza"? Do you mean shopping for your wedding dress?

    Anniversary

    eileenrob


  • What on earth is a "bridal extravaganza"? Do you mean shopping for your wedding dress?


    I think one of those bridal expos, usually held in a large hotel or convention center that brings in all different area vendors, often has giveaways or discounts if you book from that event. 
  • Agree with the suggestion to have a convo with your mom, but I will suggest that you talk to your OFFICIANT about these issues, have HIM/HER schedule the meeting with you and your mom, and let HIM/HER lead the discussion.  It was my experience that mom is much less likely to speak up, dismiss, belittle, be angry, etc. when it's an OFFICIANT who is about the SAME AGE as mom.

  • edited July 21
    banana468 said:
    Agree with the suggestion to have a convo with your mom, but I will suggest that you talk to your OFFICIANT about these issues, have HIM/HER schedule the meeting with you and your mom, and let HIM/HER lead the discussion.  It was my experience that mom is much less likely to speak up, dismiss, belittle, be angry, etc. when it's an OFFICIANT who is about the SAME AGE as mom.

    Why would you get the officiant involved? This makes no sense. OP's mom was upset the MOG was invited to look at dresses. This is not something you get your officiant involved in. OP's mom was also criticizing her ideas - again, this is not something you involve your officiant in. 
    I think @VerizonGirl is either the same or the reincarnation of @kristan789.   Her posts make Sarah Huckabee Sanders look like a progressive liberal. 
    I keep running into her on every forums I've been browsing and the more of her comments I read the less I understand what she's trying to say. Something about how if you give a wedding gift you're promising the recipient your advice and help in their marriage and the honeymoon starts as soon as the reception ends so fuck running errands, you need to be married. And this...

    Edit Oh I forgot, apparently the MOH and BM in "certain families/cultures" aren't positions of honor, they turn into marriage counselors and have to host events or have getaways and be available to give the newlyweds tips on being married because reasons. My brain hurts and it's making me sad now.
    OliveOilsMom
  • I honestly don't think she's real.   I think she's a troll.   She surfaces every now and then, posts something that makes minimal sense, and then never comes back when it's pointed out how dumb here posts may be. 


    InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomMairePoppy
  • Agree with the suggestion to have a convo with your mom, but I will suggest that you talk to your OFFICIANT about these issues, have HIM/HER schedule the meeting with you and your mom, and let HIM/HER lead the discussion.  It was my experience that mom is much less likely to speak up, dismiss, belittle, be angry, etc. when it's an OFFICIANT who is about the SAME AGE as mom.

    This makes zero sense at all. Involving one's officiant in the situations OP is describing? Nope. Bizarre. 

    Also, our officiant was my H's sister. Who is nearly 20 years younger than either of my parents, and about 30 years younger than H's (and her) parents. 


    InLoveInQueens
  • banana468 said:
    I honestly don't think she's real.   I think she's a troll.   She surfaces every now and then, posts something that makes minimal sense, and then never comes back when it's pointed out how dumb here posts may be. 


    Agreed. And it kind of makes me feel bad for Verizon....
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    ahoyweddingMissKittyDangerInLoveInQueens
  • banana468 said:
    I honestly don't think she's real.   I think she's a troll.   She surfaces every now and then, posts something that makes minimal sense, and then never comes back when it's pointed out how dumb here posts may be. 


    Kristen789 was the same exact way. God, she was just so ridiculous. 

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