So I decided to put this under "Moms and Maids" because it has to do with MIL to be and SIL to be.
Details: This will be my second time being married (first time was too young, very short, nothing messy, just needed to end. Had a medium sized traditional wedding.) This will be my fiance's first marriage.
The situation: My fiance and I got engaged in April of 2017. We had a talk on whether or not we wanted to get married first or buy a home. We want to start a family ASAP as I am in my 30's and if we want to have more than one child we would like to start our family soon. Neither of us want a tradition wedding. We want something simple and memorable without the huge price tag because we want to use that money towards a down payment on a home in the spring.
We are going to Maui in October for 2 weeks (trip was book before we got engaged) so we thought 'Let's get married in Hawaii, just the 2 of us, and come back and have a nice celebration with family!"
I am an only child and not extremely close with my extended family due to everyone living in different states. I am close with my mother. She was ok with the idea of her not being there for this ceremony. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact I've been married before, she actually encouraged my ex and I to go away and get married alone to avoid the stress and money spent on a tradition wedding (of course I didn't listen).
My fiance's mom and sister are very upset. They used the words "painful" and said they will TRY to get over it but will probably NEVER understand why we would want to get married without family. My fiance has told them twice now how we just want something simple so we can start a family soon and the money factor. And isn't because we don't want anyone there it is because it was a quick decision, that we wouldn't want anyone forking over that type of money to travel there, and we intend on celebrating after.
The kicker: We decided to compromise after many TEARS and lots of anxiousness between the two of us that we would not change our plan and we suggested a compromise to mother/sister that we would follow through with our Maui plan, come back and have a 2nd ceremony and celebration with them and family. They didn't like that idea, said "what is the point? you will already be married."
There are only a few people on his side of the family that are supportive of this. Others say they will be sad to miss it but want us to do what makes us happy.
My thought process is we shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt. We offered them a compromise and they didn't like it. His mother is known to be extremely stubborn and wanting things her way or the highway. I feel we offered them an awesome alternative to not seeing anything at all and they aren't having it.
My fiance isn't sulking. He says he had a feeling this would happen and we need to just push through and deal with the backlash, go on with our plan and get married in Maui! We both don't want to change anything and they will just have to get over it.
But, will they? I don't want this to loom over us for the rest of our lives. I don't want to change our plan at all but I also just hope they do eventually get over it. Are we totally selfish with this? I just need a peace of mind.
I am SO excited to marry this man. We are amazing together and we want to start our long and happy marriage ASAP. And we are footing the entire bill. With that being the case I feel like we should be able to do what we want. Neither his mom or sister has offered to help in any way...not even a suggestion when asked for alternatives on small wedding venues or suggestions for a celebration. It is frustrating to say the least.
Sorry for the LONG story...I just need some advice!