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NWR: baby shower?

Hey ladies... I have an issue related to having someone host a possible baby shower for me... any insight / suggestions would be appreciated, as I don't know what to do...

So here's my situation. We don't live near ANY family at all. Most of our close friends have moved away in the last year since everyone moved here for graduate or medical school and recently graduated. Our college friends are on either coast, not the Midwest. So I can count on one hand how many girlfriends I have left here to invite to a baby shower. 

My sister is flying in and visiting the weekend of July 1. She offered to throw me a baby shower. I have 4 friends I can invite because my bff is moving this weekend and my other close friend is OOT that weekend. No clue if the other 4 have plans (probably- it's the 4th of July weekend...). It just seems really lame and sad to have a shower with *maybe* 5 people total. And two are work friends, who should be planning a work shower, and one already sent me a gift, so I feel like I'd be double dipping into their time. 

So my sister suggested just going out to brunch or going for mani/pedis with everyone. But she's not going to pay for everyone- so that seems wrong. Like if it were a legit baby shower she should host with food and what not... so I feel like she's trying to do the equivalent of a "bridal tea" and then friends can bring a gift if they want. But it doesn't seem like a baby shower, where the point is to bring the baby a gift. It seems like a hang out sesh, which is cool, but I don't think particularly appropriate to label as a baby shower of sorts. 

But it makes me a little sad to think we won't have a shower to celebrate this rainbow baby. But my family didn't throw me a bridal shower either, so I get that it's not their thing. And work usually throws one for everyone, but I'm already 30+w and there's been nothing planned for work, so I'm feeling a little hurt that my friends at work may not throw me one, since that is the culture (and I had to suck it up and throw one for my work friend less than a month after my MMC because no one else cared to, or cared to think it might be hard for me to plan it.) 

So, thoughts? Should I accept a brunch / girls day where they could bring a gift even though it will be like 4 people there? Or just decline? It just seems lame/sad and honestly DH and I have been struggling with the friends department since everyone started moving and are hoping DHs new job will help us find new friends....

and an after party of "come meet the baby once it's born" isn't going to work because I'm certainly not going to plan that shortly after birth and we have no family around to plan something like that. (That was suggested to me once). 

Thanks in advance for the advice!!
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Re: NWR: baby shower?

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I would invite the OOT people anyway. They may be champing at the bit to come see you again.
    OurWildKingdomahoywedding


  • I would invite the OOT people anyway. They may be champing at the bit to come see you again.


    I get what you're saying, and I would invite her of course *if* something were planned, it's one person and she's moving out of state next week and has a baby herself, i'm pretty sure she wouldn't be interested in driving 5+ hrs with a baby while in the middle of unpacking a new house with a husband whose working 80+ hrs and not around to help her much. 

    And that would bring the number of people to 5. Which is still, to me, kind of a sad number of people for a shower, so it doesn't change how I feel about the small number of people... 
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  • I think it's just too late for 4th of July weekend. What about a fun spa day with fancy brunch just you and your sister?


    Why would it be too late? It's a little over two weeks away. I wouldn't invite anyone from OOT because I would never ask anyone to fly 3+ hours for a shower / spend that type of money, but for the few people in town, is planning something small like that with 2+ weeks notice too late?

    FTR, I don't think I'll do anything but I'm curious why you think it would be too late. 
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  • edited June 15










    I think it's just too late for 4th of July weekend. What about a fun spa day with fancy brunch just you and your sister?






    Why would it be too late? It's a little over two weeks away. I wouldn't invite anyone from OOT because I would never ask anyone to fly 3+ hours for a shower / spend that type of money, but for the few people in town, is planning something small like that with 2+ weeks notice too late?

    FTR, I don't think I'll do anything but I'm curious why you think it would be too late. 




    I think two weeks is too short notice for a shower, even if it's not a holiday weekend. But with it a big summer holiday I think it's too late to plan something. People often make plans weeks/months in advance for that weekend. I agree with @STARMOON44 And just plan to do somrwith your sister. 
    MairePoppyInLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PP. Two weeks' notice is just not enough for a shower. 

    I understand you would like a shower, but do know that showers are a rare thing in the UK, and babies are just as celebrated. 

    Why not look into a Sip and See after the arrival? 
    charlotte989875sparklepants41
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Hey ladies... I have an issue related to having someone host a possible baby shower for me... any insight / suggestions would be appreciated, as I don't know what to do...

    So here's my situation. We don't live near ANY family at all. Most of our close friends have moved away in the last year since everyone moved here for graduate or medical school and recently graduated. Our college friends are on either coast, not the Midwest. So I can count on one hand how many girlfriends I have left here to invite to a baby shower. 

    My sister is flying in and visiting the weekend of July 1. She offered to throw me a baby shower. I have 4 friends I can invite because my bff is moving this weekend and my other close friend is OOT that weekend. No clue if the other 4 have plans (probably- it's the 4th of July weekend...). It just seems really lame and sad to have a shower with *maybe* 5 people total. And two are work friends, who should be planning a work shower, and one already sent me a gift, so I feel like I'd be double dipping into their time. 

    So my sister suggested just going out to brunch or going for mani/pedis with everyone. But she's not going to pay for everyone- so that seems wrong. Like if it were a legit baby shower she should host with food and what not... so I feel like she's trying to do the equivalent of a "bridal tea" and then friends can bring a gift if they want. But it doesn't seem like a baby shower, where the point is to bring the baby a gift. It seems like a hang out sesh, which is cool, but I don't think particularly appropriate to label as a baby shower of sorts. 

    But it makes me a little sad to think we won't have a shower to celebrate this rainbow baby. But my family didn't throw me a bridal shower either, so I get that it's not their thing. And work usually throws one for everyone, but I'm already 30+w and there's been nothing planned for work, so I'm feeling a little hurt that my friends at work may not throw me one, since that is the culture (and I had to suck it up and throw one for my work friend less than a month after my MMC because no one else cared to, or cared to think it might be hard for me to plan it.) 

    So, thoughts? Should I accept a brunch / girls day where they could bring a gift even though it will be like 4 people there? Or just decline? It just seems lame/sad and honestly DH and I have been struggling with the friends department since everyone started moving and are hoping DHs new job will help us find new friends....

    and an after party of "come meet the baby once it's born" isn't going to work because I'm certainly not going to plan that shortly after birth and we have no family around to plan something like that. (That was suggested to me once). 

    Thanks in advance for the advice!!


    I'm sorry.  I understand your situation can be frustrating, but you need to stop walking down the pity party path.

    There was an opportunity for a potential shower when your sister made plans to fly in to visit.  You chose to decline one offer because it was "too small, lame, and sad".  How do you know work hasn't planned a shower yet?  In our work environment, we typically schedule our work showers closer to the date of the leave of absence. 

    Hosting a shower doesn't automatically equate to receiving one.  It sounds like you work in an environment with co-workers that don't like to volunteer.  You already know that throwing showers is "not a family thing". 

    Are you in good standing with your family?  Are they excited about the arrival of this LO?  Have they asked about a registry?  Is immediate family nearby?  They may not like to host parties, but I can't imagine they won't share their excitement and come visit when LO arrives.  

    Send out announcements when the LO arrives. 
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNot

  • MobKaz said:





    Hey ladies... I have an issue related to having someone host a possible baby shower for me... any insight / suggestions would be appreciated, as I don't know what to do...

    So here's my situation. We don't live near ANY family at all. Most of our close friends have moved away in the last year since everyone moved here for graduate or medical school and recently graduated. Our college friends are on either coast, not the Midwest. So I can count on one hand how many girlfriends I have left here to invite to a baby shower. 

    My sister is flying in and visiting the weekend of July 1. She offered to throw me a baby shower. I have 4 friends I can invite because my bff is moving this weekend and my other close friend is OOT that weekend. No clue if the other 4 have plans (probably- it's the 4th of July weekend...). It just seems really lame and sad to have a shower with *maybe* 5 people total. And two are work friends, who should be planning a work shower, and one already sent me a gift, so I feel like I'd be double dipping into their time. 

    So my sister suggested just going out to brunch or going for mani/pedis with everyone. But she's not going to pay for everyone- so that seems wrong. Like if it were a legit baby shower she should host with food and what not... so I feel like she's trying to do the equivalent of a "bridal tea" and then friends can bring a gift if they want. But it doesn't seem like a baby shower, where the point is to bring the baby a gift. It seems like a hang out sesh, which is cool, but I don't think particularly appropriate to label as a baby shower of sorts. 

    But it makes me a little sad to think we won't have a shower to celebrate this rainbow baby. But my family didn't throw me a bridal shower either, so I get that it's not their thing. And work usually throws one for everyone, but I'm already 30+w and there's been nothing planned for work, so I'm feeling a little hurt that my friends at work may not throw me one, since that is the culture (and I had to suck it up and throw one for my work friend less than a month after my MMC because no one else cared to, or cared to think it might be hard for me to plan it.) 

    So, thoughts? Should I accept a brunch / girls day where they could bring a gift even though it will be like 4 people there? Or just decline? It just seems lame/sad and honestly DH and I have been struggling with the friends department since everyone started moving and are hoping DHs new job will help us find new friends....

    and an after party of "come meet the baby once it's born" isn't going to work because I'm certainly not going to plan that shortly after birth and we have no family around to plan something like that. (That was suggested to me once). 

    Thanks in advance for the advice!!




    I'm sorry.  I understand your situation can be frustrating, but you need to stop walking down the pity party path.

    There was an opportunity for a potential shower when your sister made plans to fly in to visit.  You chose to decline one offer because it was "too small, lame, and sad".  How do you know work hasn't planned a shower yet?  In our work environment, we typically schedule our work showers closer to the date of the leave of absence. 

    Hosting a shower doesn't automatically equate to receiving one.  It sounds like you work in an environment with co-workers that don't like to volunteer.  You already know that throwing showers is "not a family thing". 

    Are you in good standing with your family?  Are they excited about the arrival of this LO?  Have they asked about a registry?  Is immediate family nearby?  They may not like to host parties, but I can't imagine they won't share their excitement and come visit when LO arrives.  

    Send out announcements when the LO arrives. 


    Like I said, we don't live near ANY family. My sister asked me yesterday if I wanted a shower or a brunch, and I said I'd think about it and let her know. Personally, because I didn't think a brunch would be appropriate and a shower with 5 people seems awkward- but I didn't say this to her, just to myself, DH, and here. It's not my fault she waited until two weeks before the weekend she's coming to ask me if I wanted a shower. 

    Pretty sure im not walking down a pity party path as I haven't said a thing to anyone about being bummed that I don't have a lot of people to invite to a shower and was just trying to get advice on whether 1) a shower with 5 people is awkward or not, and 2) whether a brunch or spa where invited people had to pay their own way was appropriate in lieu of a shower (I don't think it is). 

    Obviously hosting showers are not tit for tat but when every single other pregnant coworker - including people on their 2/3 kid get a shower, you expect one too, and knowing nothing has been planned can make you feel hurt. I'm allowed to have feelings. I'm also adult enough to not verbalized or express them to coworkers because I know that is childish. 

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    DrillSergeantCatshort+sassySP29
  • Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I'll pass on the shower or group activity and maybe see about a doing a spa day or something with just my sister. 
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  • edited June 21
    Thanks for sharing!
  • Just wanted to confess that we threw a baby shower for our coworker the last day he was at work before taking time off (The Friday before his wife's C-section was scheduled).

    Maybe your coworkers will be throwing your schedule closer to when you go on leave.

    Really sucks not having your buddies nearby. I hope you have a great visit with your sister and make new mom pals thru the groups mentioned above!

    redwoodoriginalshort+sassy
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