Wedding Woes

I don't understand people who do this kind of stuff.

Dear Prudence,
My husband’s father died just before we got married, 17 years ago. He had been married to a woman with three daughters of her own, and the two had just had another baby girl at the time of his death. My husband and his brothers had a contentious relationship with their stepmother and stepsisters, and cut them out of their lives entirely after their father’s estate was settled. I have never forgotten my husband’s half-sister, that little girl, and it’s always bothered me that he walked away from her as well as his stepfamily. He didn’t consider it worth having a relationship with them in order to remain close to her.

Over the years I’ve often thought of her and tried to find out more about her—if she looks like her brothers, how she’s doing. I don’t know if her brothers care at all that she exists. Today I found her on Facebook through her mother’s profile. She’s 18 now. I’m not sure what to do with this information. Do I tell my husband I was looking for his sister? Do I just send him a link to the Facebook profile? I know better than to contact her without talking to him first, but I’d love to find out if she knows her brothers exist or if she was told horrible lies about them and hates them. I realize what a can of worms any contact with her will open.

—Found via Facebook

Re: I don't understand people who do this kind of stuff.

  • Maybe mention it is casual conversation? "Oh remember *little girl* ? Hmm ... she'd be 18 now, wouldn't she? I wonder if she looks like you guys."
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    OurWildKingdom


  • I find the LW's behavior bizarre and she needs to cut it out.  Sure, this particular half-sister was an innocent child when whatever ugliness went on between the H, his brothers, and the step family.  But he and his brothers have obviously CHOSEN to not be in this person's life.




    YES!  I do not understand people who want to push their partner to have the kind of relationship with their family that they *think* their partner should have.  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! 
    short+sassycharlotte989875HeffalumpOliveOilsMom
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    I do understand it, b/c I was that way with xH.  And it was b/c it was my issue, not his.  I am an only child with a small family.  His big famiily with lots of siblings, cousins, etc. was really exciting.  It was super disappointing to me that he and his two brothers didn't really get along.  I finally realized I had to stop forcing my vision of sibling relationships on his and move along.

    Which is what LW needs to do.  She might suss out the waters and see if her DH is curious at all, but if he shuts it down she needs to back off, quickly.
    mrsconn23charlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited June 15
    At least you had self-awareness after trying to stop it when ex-h wasn't interested, @VarunaTT

    It's been 17 years for this lady.   Also, she seems to be sleuthing behind her H's back and that makes it squicky to me.   
    short+sassyOliveOilsMom

  • mrsconn23 said:

    At least you had self-awareness after trying to stop it when ex-h wasn't interested, @VarunaTT

    It's been 17 years for this lady.   Also, she seems to be sleuthing behind her H's back and that makes it squicky to me.   


    She sounds bored.  Get a hobby or something. 

    Anyway, this relationship is up to her husband, and it looks like he's made his choice.  Time to move on.  Someone needs to tell her that season 3 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is now available.  Give her something to do that doesn't involve meddling.
    mrsconn23
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