How to charitably word reminders to my parents to rsvp to the wedding?

MairePoppy

I wonder if the parents are worried that the guests will assume they are hosting them after the ceremony. It could be a very uncomfortable situation.

ILoveBeachMusic

MairePoppy said:

I wonder if the parents are worried that the guests will assume they are hosting them after the ceremony. It could be a very uncomfortable situation.

Good point. I know I would be so mortified if my children did this! I was embarrassed over some minor etiquette missteps by DD but decided they weren't hills to die on. This however, would be a hill to die on.

CMGragain

Well, the wedding was today.  I wonder how it went? 

I remember being poor.  I taught students in Maryland who were poor.  It is unusual that someone proclaims that they are "dirt poor".  Most of the families I have known who lived in poverty didn't want to admit it.  I do know one person who says she is proud to be poor.  I don't understand her attitude.  She had opportunities to get out of poverty, but she refused to consider them because she didn't want to change her lifestyle.  I tried to help her but she wouldn't listen.
No reflection on the OP.  I don't know her circumstances, but the fact that she proclaimed her poverty struck me as unusual.
Some of the nicest weddings I have seen have been very budget conscious.  Some of the worst have had huge budgets and they went over the top trying to impress people.  (I think everybody knew how much the bride's gown cost and how much each plate cost!)  Poor =/=rude.  Wealthy=/=polite.

charlotte989875

CMGragain said:

Well, the wedding was today.  I wonder how it went? 

I remember being poor.  I taught students in Maryland who were poor.  It is unusual that someone proclaims that they are "dirt poor".  Most of the families I have known who lived in poverty didn't want to admit it.  I do know one person who says she is proud to be poor.  I don't understand her attitude.  She had opportunities to get out of poverty, but she refused to consider them because she didn't want to change her lifestyle.  I tried to help her but she wouldn't listen.
No reflection on the OP.  I don't know her circumstances, but the fact that she proclaimed her poverty struck me as unusual.
Some of the nicest weddings I have seen have been very budget conscious.  Some of the worst have had huge budgets and they went over the top trying to impress people.  (I think everybody knew how much the bride's gown cost and how much each plate cost!)  Poor =/=rude.  Wealthy=/=polite.

There's no reason she, or anyone else, she be ashamed  of her economic status, and I think your post assuming that no one wants to (or should) admit they're poor is insensitive and implying there's something odd or wrong about admitting poverty is, IMO inappropriate and a little rude. 

Poverty isnt driven solely by choices; it's not like people who live in poverty wake up one day and say "Oh I'm tired of being poor I just need to make a few different choices and I won't be poor anymore" that's not how it works. Poverty can be insidious, generational, and if it were that easy to solve we would have already. I find it short-sighted and ignorant to imply otherwise. 

mollybarker11

I whole-heartedly agree that poor =/=rude and wealthy=/=polite. I've seen examples of all possible combinations. But I also think it's insensitive and inaccurate to say that most poor people don't want to admit it.

For the generationally poor, their economic class is simply a fact of life, not an attitude. And it's something that is intertwined with social class which some people do consider a part of their identity and take pride in.


I am of course taking the OP at her word, but I'll say it is a pet peeve of mine when people who are presently "broke" call themselves "poor". There's a difference.

ei34

In my personal experience I know what CMG is talking about...my students that aren't the rich kids but have some degree of spending money are the ones always saying "omg I'm soo poor!" while the Title 1 students that live in shelters and get free lunch and the free-SAT vouchers do everything they can to come off as having money.  They never say they're poor.  That said, I agree with @charlotte989875  and @mollybarker11 that I agree with, because truly being poor is often generational and a cycle that's very hard to break.

Of course, whether OP is truly impoverished or as she says, "dirt poor" or not, it's still not an excuse to invite guests to a ceremony but not a reception. Just elope or have a private wedding if you truly can't swing cake and punch in the church hall.

flantastic

This reminds me of stuff I was seeing about Steinbeck the other day. From a letter to a lady who had been a professor of creative writing to him:

I wonder whether you will remember one last piece of advice you gave me. It was during the exuberance of the rich and frantic twenties and I was going out into that world to try to be a writer.

You said, "It's going to take a long time, and you haven't any money. Maybe it would be better if you could go to Europe."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because in Europe poverty is a misfortune, but in America it is shameful. I wonder whether or not you can stand the shame of being poor."

DrillSergeantCat

I read a post on Facebook the other day talking about how the OP has been poor, middle class, and wealthy at different points in her life and how if her choice was to be poor or middle class, she'd choose poor. She said that if you're poor, you get help, but if you're middle class (especially lower middle) you get nothing and are then worse off than the poor. She said she didn't see the point or fairness in being middle class if she gets that classification but then can't afford child care, food, or rent when if she chose to stay poor she didn't have to worry about those things. 

This was just one person's POV, but I thought it was interesting and accurate (in regards to the struggle the middle class faces).

twitterbird

Why don't you just call them and ask if they are coming?

Heffalump

twitterbird said:

Why don't you just call them and ask if they are coming?

Because the wedding took place a couple of weeks ago and the answer is probably obvious by now?