Customs and Traditions

Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

I'm definitely on the proper etiquette bandwagon that shower guests = wedding guests.

I've had a couple lovely women from a community group offer to throw me a shower. Some of them are invited to the wedding but some aren't (and I'm not particularly close to them).

Do I accept the very kind offer to throw me a shower? Do I now have to quickly mail them a wedding invitation? What do I do?!

Re: Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I would decline the invitation. There's not really a way to send out invitations without seeming like it is B-listing (which, it kind of is, even if you didn't intend for it to be that way). Plus, you aren't close to these people, so it might come off as gift grabby. 


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  • I'm definitely on the proper etiquette bandwagon that shower guests = wedding guests.

    I've had a couple lovely women from a community group offer to throw me a shower. Some of them are invited to the wedding but some aren't (and I'm not particularly close to them).

    Do I accept the very kind offer to throw me a shower? Do I now have to quickly mail them a wedding invitation? What do I do?!



    Personally I kind of think a community group shower falls into the same category as a church shower or a work shower - I don't think these people will expect to be invited to the wedding.
    STARMOON44charlotte989875JediElizabethahoywedding
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited June 27
    I think it depends on the nature and closeness of your relationships with the group members. If you don't socialize with the group members outside group meetings or get-togethers, then I think you could have the shower without inviting them to the wedding. But if you have relationships with the group members beyond group activities, then I would turn down the shower if you don't plan to invite them to the wedding.
  • How many people are in this group? Do they throw showers or other celebrations for other members of the group? If it's something they do for everyone, I'd treat it like a coworker celebration or church group that celebrates everything.

    Do the people who aren't invited know they're not invited? If they know and they're cool with it and throw showers for everyone, you're probably ok to go ahead with it. If some of those women may feel slighted they're not invited to the wedding, it probably would't be a good idea (just in the interest of maintaining those relationships).
    SP29InLoveInQueens
  • Original poster here:
    These are all such great thoughts - thanks everyone for the input.

    It's a fairly large group that is supportive of everyone's life events - marriage, babies, birthdays, funerals, etc so it seems like they probably wouldn't expect to be invited. There are a handful of them that I do socialize with outside the group (and they do have wedding invites), so I think it'll be okay if I don't invite them. It does feel more like a work shower. 
    JediElizabethSP29ahoyweddingeileenrob
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