Etiquette

Top table seating

Not sure if this is the correct board for this but just hoping for some ideas. I'm trying to get a rough idea for seating plan and trying to decide who to place on the top table with me and groom.

My dads passed away, am barely on speaking terms with mother and sister, other sister is autistic and probably won't come. I am friends with my brother and his partner. On fi side he has both parents and a sister with long term partner and we're having a large wedding party but no MOH or BM.

My concern is that a) my family won't come last minute and unsure I want to be reminded by that from an empty seat next to me and b) if we have my fi and his family on the top table and my family do come that it wouldn't be taken well at all. Any ideas of how to keep the peace?

Re: Top table seating



  • Do you have the option for a sweetheart table, just the two of you? I'd recommend that, then seat your FIs family together, and you family together. I doubt your guests will notice, or care, if there are empty seats at tables they are not sitting at. 


    I didn't even think of a sweetheart table, I'll get in touch with the venue thank you! That was my thought, I don't think I'd think anything of it if there was an empty seat on a random table but it would be quite obvious if it was on the top table.
    mollybarker11charlotte989875InLoveInQueensJediElizabeth
  • I second Charlotte. DH and I had a sweetheart table because it was easier than having my divorced parents sit together. They would have been fine but it was such a simple solution and no one felt awkward.
    CraftyGcharlotte989875SP29
  • Sweetheart table is definitely the way to go.  You really won't be sitting there for very long, anyway (especially if you're doing table visits instead of a receiving line), and it's difficult for other guests at the table to talk to each other since everyone's facing forward.  
    If, for some reason,that's not an option, I'd go for a king's table with your WP and their SOs.  
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • We did a sweetheart table as well. We knew we wouldn't be able to sit long because we would be doing table visits during that time and didn't want to either get into a good conversation with guests or feel like we were being rude for getting up during dinner. 
    image
  • My H and I sat with our MOH and her husband and our BM and his fiance at a smaller table. The rest of our bridal party sat with their SOs and their respective friend groups and our parents sat with our siblings and other relatives. 
    SP29
  • Most of our tables were for 8 guests (7-9 people per table) but we had a larger table for us, to fit 10 people. Essentially we both picked 2 couples to sit with. We made sure the 2 couples knew each other, so they'd have each other to talk to when we were up and about. I picked 2 friends from college, he picked 2 friends from high school (and all of their respective spouses/dates). 

    We didn't really have a MOH/BM or a formal bridal party. 

    My mom picked who she wanted to sit with at one table, and his parents picked who they wanted to sit with at another table. My mom sat with her friends (and her relatives sat at other tables), and his parents sat with their relatives (their siblings, my husband's aunts/uncles). 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    I would also go for a sweetheart table. That's what I would have done had I married my ex, because his mother (his father's dead) and my parents would not get along well together. They have very different views, have never met each other, they live at different ends of the country and would have had almost no time to get acquainted before the wedding, so conversation would be awkward and somewhat stiff.

    While they could be polite to each other, I think having to spend a whole meal at a "head" table with us and my brother and sister-in-law would be hard for them and everyone would be more comfortable sitting at tables of their own with friends and relatives of their choice.
  • We had 40 attendees, including us, we had six 8 tops to fill. My parents had a table with filled their friends. H's dad at a table with his wife, dad's mom and three outgoing friends of mine. His mom, her husband, their child, and mom's parents at a table. Then two tables of friends, one our board gaming group friends and the other my friends.

    Our "head" table was us, our officiant and his husband, my brother, my oldest friend, and my H's brother and his wife. My brother and H's brother signed our license, so they were our unofficial wedding party.

    H's parents divorced over 20 years ago and are/were friendly at other events over the week, but we figured keeping them separate at such an emotional event was easiest on everyone.

  • My Sister in law has brothers and sisters at the head table with them. 
    It was nice.

    I've also been to weddings where they had the bridal party with our partners and no family at the table. Something to think about if you didn't want to be just you two. 



  • Jen4948 said:

    I would also go for a sweetheart table. That's what I would have done had I married my ex, because his mother (his father's dead) and my parents would not get along well together. They have very different views, have never met each other, they live at different ends of the country and would have had almost no time to get acquainted before the wedding, so conversation would be awkward and somewhat stiff.

    While they could be polite to each other, I think having to spend a whole meal at a "head" table with us and my brother and sister-in-law would be hard for them and everyone would be more comfortable sitting at tables of their own with friends and relatives of their choice.


    But the options aren't either sit with parents, or a sweetheart table. You can sit with anyone you want. If there's going to be drama from either side of parents about not sitting with them then a sweetheart table may be easiest to deal with, but otherwise sit with friends or other relatives or bridal party members or whoever you please. 
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensSP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    MandyMost said:



    Jen4948 said:


    I would also go for a sweetheart table. That's what I would have done had I married my ex, because his mother (his father's dead) and my parents would not get along well together. They have very different views, have never met each other, they live at different ends of the country and would have had almost no time to get acquainted before the wedding, so conversation would be awkward and somewhat stiff.

    While they could be polite to each other, I think having to spend a whole meal at a "head" table with us and my brother and sister-in-law would be hard for them and everyone would be more comfortable sitting at tables of their own with friends and relatives of their choice.




    But the options aren't either sit with parents, or a sweetheart table. You can sit with anyone you want. If there's going to be drama from either side of parents about not sitting with them then a sweetheart table may be easiest to deal with, but otherwise sit with friends or other relatives or bridal party members or whoever you please. 


    Yeah. We let our parents "host" their own tables, and we sat with our siblings and their SOs. Granted, we have enough siblings between us to fill a 10-top.

    Anniversary

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member




    MandyMost said:





    Jen4948 said:



    I would also go for a sweetheart table. That's what I would have done had I married my ex, because his mother (his father's dead) and my parents would not get along well together. They have very different views, have never met each other, they live at different ends of the country and would have had almost no time to get acquainted before the wedding, so conversation would be awkward and somewhat stiff.

    While they could be polite to each other, I think having to spend a whole meal at a "head" table with us and my brother and sister-in-law would be hard for them and everyone would be more comfortable sitting at tables of their own with friends and relatives of their choice.






    But the options aren't either sit with parents, or a sweetheart table. You can sit with anyone you want. If there's going to be drama from either side of parents about not sitting with them then a sweetheart table may be easiest to deal with, but otherwise sit with friends or other relatives or bridal party members or whoever you please. 




    Yeah. We let our parents "host" their own tables, and we sat with our siblings and their SOs. Granted, we have enough siblings between us to fill a 10-top.


    Oh, I know. The important thing with us would have been to put them at separate tables with other guests of their choice. But if they all insisted on sitting at the same table with my ex and me, I think it would have been awkward no matter what seating arrangements we made or who did or didn't sit with us.
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