Etiquette

Elopement Bridal Shower

A friend of mine had a traditional wedding booked for next June when her fiancé's chronic illness relapsed. Unsure of what his health situation will be, they have cancelled the wedding and plan on having a small, semi-elopement. She fears that to hold a shower for her with registered gifts would be impolite but I feel like under their circumstances family and friends will still want to be part of a traditional shower. Does anyone have any thoughts on this situation?

Re: Elopement Bridal Shower

  • In general, it's not okay. Shower guests must be invited to the wedding. I'm not sure what a small semi-elopement is- certainly anyone invited to that could be invited to a shower. 

    If you did want to go ahead with a shower anyway I'd think very small. Immediate family, closest friends. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensemmaaa


  • A friend of mine had a traditional wedding booked for next June when her fiancé's chronic illness relapsed. Unsure of what his health situation will be, they have cancelled the wedding and plan on having a small, semi-elopement. She fears that to hold a shower for her with registered gifts would be impolite but I feel like under their circumstances family and friends will still want to be part of a traditional shower. Does anyone have any thoughts on this situation?


    I agree with PPs that only those invited to the wedding should generally be invited to the shower. I don't see a problem with a small, immediate family, closets friends shower, presumably those people would be invited to a small wedding? 
    InLoveInQueens
  • Your friend is correct. It is rude to invite people to a shower when they won't be invited to the main event. 

    However, it sounds like there may be some guests invited to the wedding itself. Those guests CAN be invited to a shower - but no one else.
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    InLoveInQueensmollybarker11
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited July 10
    OP, I get what you're saying. There's always that one MIL, aunt, etc. who is insistent that "but people would LOVE to have a shower!" In this case, you might be this person.

    Except it isn't appropriate, for reasons others have stated. And while there may be a few family members or friends who would rather throw a shower anyway, that's not going to be a universal feeling, and those of you who want one won't die of disappointment. She'll just have to politely turn down any showers offered, unless the plan is to invite the very few people now invited to the wedding.

    If people really want to get together, give the couple gifts, etc., they'll find an appropriate way. A large shower is not it.

    edited to reflect friend is bride

    Anniversary

    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueens
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
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    Maybe after the elopement someone would be inclined to throw a party in honor of the newly married couple, provided her fiancé's health situation allows it.  That way they would still get to socialize with friends near in time to the wedding.

    Is that acceptable etiquette wise?

    short+sassySP29
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    kaos16 said:

    Maybe after the elopement someone would be inclined to throw a party in honor of the newly married couple, provided her fiancé's health situation allows it.  That way they would still get to socialize with friends near in time to the wedding.

    Is that acceptable etiquette wise?



    That would be fine but it wouldn't be a gift giving occasion. A person can throw a party anytime!
    SP29




  • kaos16 said:


    Maybe after the elopement someone would be inclined to throw a party in honor of the newly married couple, provided her fiancé's health situation allows it.  That way they would still get to socialize with friends near in time to the wedding.

    Is that acceptable etiquette wise?





    That would be fine but it wouldn't be a gift giving occasion. A person can throw a party anytime!


    Honestly, I'd probably bring a gift or check for something like this, especially if I knew the situation. I just wouldn't expect the couple to open it publicly. 
    mollybarker11
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member









    kaos16 said:



    Maybe after the elopement someone would be inclined to throw a party in honor of the newly married couple, provided her fiancé's health situation allows it.  That way they would still get to socialize with friends near in time to the wedding.

    Is that acceptable etiquette wise?







    That would be fine but it wouldn't be a gift giving occasion. A person can throw a party anytime!




    Honestly, I'd probably bring a gift or check for something like this, especially if I knew the situation. I just wouldn't expect the couple to open it publicly. 



    Exactly, I'd bring a gift too, knowing the couple's situation.  While showers are gift giving events, I'm hoping that the bride really wants a shower to spend time and celebrate with loved ones, and not just so they'll bring her pretty stuff.  As such, this type of party could be perfect.  OP, what do you think?
    short+sassy
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited July 11
    I am sorry, but the rules are very clear.  No one can be invited to a shower who is not also invited to the wedding ceremony.
    I think you mean that your friends are having a small private ceremony, not an elopement.
    Anyone who wants to give the couple a gift is always free to do so, but there can be no gift giving parties unless the guests are also invited to the wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29InLoveInQueens
  • What does she mean by semi-elopement? A small ceremony & reception with immediate family and close friends? If that's the case and there would be wedding guests, those people could be invited to a shower.

    I think an after party, hosted by a friend and not a gift-giving event, would be totally fine. However, given this couple's situation, I would probably still give a gift (as would a lot of people I'd think). 
    short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    As PPs note, a shower would only be appropriate for guests invited to the wedding.

    The couple or anyone else can throw them a party to celebrate the marriage after it takes place, but there would have to not be an expectation of gifts being opened at the party. Any gifts given at the party would have to be opened in private. But as long as that's the case, they can have the most fun event possible with the party.
    SP29
  • Thanks for the responses. It looks likes the consensus is "only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower", regardless of the circumstances.

    She is conflicted about whether she is going to have a smaller wedding at home or elope with a few family members and closest friends present. If we do go away for her wedding, she will likely have a get-together after.

    I'll keep your advise in mind as she finalizes her decision. Thanks again.

  • Either way she is simply having a small wedding - NOT an elopement. That is where the bride and groom go off solely on their own and get married. No friends. No family. No one.
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • It doesn't sound like an elopement.   It sounds like a small wedding.   

    A shower would be inappropriate here but I think a party after the wedding is fine.   If people feel like bringing gifts they will.  
    InLoveInQueensSP29mollybarker11
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Thanks for the responses. It looks likes the consensus is "only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower", regardless of the circumstances.

    She is conflicted about whether she is going to have a smaller wedding at home or elope with a few family members and closest friends present. If we do go away for her wedding, she will likely have a get-together after.

    I'll keep your advise in mind as she finalizes her decision. Thanks again.

    She will either have a small, local wedding or a small destination wedding.
    InLoveInQueens
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