Etiquette

Only inviting 1 co-worker in 4 person department

Hi all! 

Long time lurker, and this is my first post because I can usually find a topic answered for any question I have. There are already plenty of topics on inviting co-workers, but usually when people say they work in a "small" department it will be around 7-10 people, in which case I believe only inviting 1/7 co workers is ok. 

However, in my case I plan to invite one co-worker, and that only leaves 2 other people in my department NOT being invited (1 other co-worker, and our boss). In this case, would it be rude not to invite everyone since there's so few of us? Since our department is so small, we all work together closely every day, and I technically wouldn't MIND having them there, we're just not friends outside of work.

I don't talk about my wedding at work at all besides when asked and it's usually generally saying that planning is going well etc., but last week the co-worker who I didn't plan on inviting asked if "we" were invited to the wedding (collectively asking if the whole department was invited) and I wasn't sure what to say, I didn't want to say "yes one person would be, but not you." I don't know. Do you guys think this would cause drama, and should I just invite the other two people?

Thanks!

Re: Only inviting 1 co-worker in 4 person department



  • Are you remarkably closer to the 1 coworker you plan on inviting? I have a small department of 10 people, but there is 1 coworker I have lunch with every day and often do things with after work. I don't think anyone would think it was strange if I had invited just her.

    As in, if the one person is invited, are your other two workers going to be like "oh that makes sense" or are they going to be like, "wtf" because they think their relationship with you is similar.

    Also, how big is your wedding. This is max 8 people we're talking about - so if you were having..say 150 I'd say invite them all, but if you were having ~50-60 I'd understand more being discerning.



    The co worker that I'm inviting, we actually live down the street from one another so I see them more often than anyone else, we'll go to happy hours, we'll carpool, we'll hang out at events outside of work (picnics, karaoke). So I would think it would make sense to everyone, I don't have that relationship with the other two. However, as far as work environments go, we are all close while at work, and will celebrate events together (birthdays, graduations, anniversaries etc). 

    Our guest list now is upwards of 150 (although the plan at first was 100). I'm leaning towards just inviting everyone, both are married so that would be an extra 4 people. I'm not sure if they would come, but like STARMOON44 said, it is probably a nice gesture. 






  • Are you remarkably closer to the 1 coworker you plan on inviting? I have a small department of 10 people, but there is 1 coworker I have lunch with every day and often do things with after work. I don't think anyone would think it was strange if I had invited just her.

    As in, if the one person is invited, are your other two workers going to be like "oh that makes sense" or are they going to be like, "wtf" because they think their relationship with you is similar.

    Also, how big is your wedding. This is max 8 people we're talking about - so if you were having..say 150 I'd say invite them all, but if you were having ~50-60 I'd understand more being discerning.





    The co worker that I'm inviting, we actually live down the street from one another so I see them more often than anyone else, we'll go to happy hours, we'll carpool, we'll hang out at events outside of work (picnics, karaoke). So I would think it would make sense to everyone, I don't have that relationship with the other two. However, as far as work environments go, we are all close while at work, and will celebrate events together (birthdays, graduations, anniversaries etc). 

    Our guest list now is upwards of 150 (although the plan at first was 100). I'm leaning towards just inviting everyone, both are married so that would be an extra 4 people. I'm not sure if they would come, but like STARMOON44 said, it is probably a nice gesture. 



    I think you'd be fine inviting just the one coworker and his/her SO.  It sounds like your other coworkers would understand.

    But, if it wouldn't be too much of an imposition on your guest list, I'd just invite all three since it is such a small department.  Plus, it sounds like you all have a pleasant and friendly working relationship.

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    charlotte989875SP29levioosa
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I think it would be fine to invite just your own co-worker. You have a relationship with this person outside of work that is personal, unlike any other of your coworkers.

    If you guest list and budget are fairly open, and you think it would cause some drama if you didn't invite everyone (would your friend coworker make a big point about attending your wedding that weekend where everyone else would know about it?), it would be a nice gesture, but I don't think you need to feel guilty if you do not invite all of your co-workers.

    If you do decide to only invite one co-worker, do be sure to keep wedding talk to a minimum and mail the invitation to the coworker, don't hand it out at the office. Keep personal and business separate.

    At my previous employment, we would always celebrate weddings and babies with showers hosted at someone's house, sometimes we'd go out for dinner or do another activity as a work group. But this was very different than a personal friend relationship- everything always done as the work group (except for those who had personal friendships, and in that case it was pretty obviously). No one expected a wedding invite in spite of the shower.
    CMGragainshort+sassymollybarker11
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited July 12
    It is not rude to only invite one coworker (and her significant other, if she has one) but it would be generous and kind of you to invite the others.  Remember, if you invite them, you must also invite any husbands/wives/fiances/important boyfriends/girlfriends.  It IS rude to only invite one part of a social couple.  If they are not in relationships, it is OK to invite them as singles.
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    short+sassySP29
  • I work on a 4-person team (plus my boss) as well, and only invited one coworker. She & I started at the same time and have kind of progressed in the company together. She's also the only person I hang out with outside of work (and the only one I like, TBH). I didn't talk about the wedding a lot at work, and if someone asked, I was brief. No one else expected to be invited (at least I don't think they did). 

    It would be a nice gesture to invite the others, but I don't think you have to. 
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