Moms and Maids

**RANT** My Monster In Law

edited July 13 in Moms and Maids
First post here, so please bear with me! :)

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Our wedding is in December and my future MIL is driving me crazy! Well, she's always been driving me crazy. She's the only child and has always been spoiled her whole life. Needless to say, she has problems with sharing. Anything my fiancé does or did for me, she'd want the same. For instance, if I got flowers, she'd want some too. You get the point.

My fiancé is the 2nd child out of 3 brothers and 1 sister. The youngest is the girl and she's the "baby" of the family. MIL spoils her like no other. Both his youngest sister (she's turning 18 this year) and his mom always saw me as a threat. I was someone who took their son/brother away. HAH! 

Luckily my fiancé is not very close with his mom and sister. He's independent and it makes avoiding his family a bit easier.

Anyway, here's my current problem. Ever since announcing our engagement, the MIL has been complaining about how we don't include her in the planning. Well, she's not pitching in a penny and we obviously don't get along, so why add on that stress? Then, she insisted that we put his siblings in the wedding party, stating it's a "Filipino" tradition (MIL is Filipino/FIL is Caucasian). Honestly, I wouldn't mind putting his brothers in the wedding, but def. not the sister. So we decided to have them as ushers of the wedding so that they could still walk down the isle and be "special". Apparently that wasn't good enough with the mom and she said the sister was very sad she couldn't be a bridesmaid. OMG!!! One, she's too young and two, we don't even have a good relationship, so why?!?!?!?!

Then, she insisted on having a mom/son dance. My fiancé told her that I didn't really want to have a father/daughter dance (my family's more shy) and that it's really about the bride that day. She said it didn't matter if I didn't want one. She wanted to have one with him and she wanted it to go viral. She said, "How about a sexy dance?" WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR SON?!?!?!?!

Now, she just dropped a bomb on us that she and the "princess" of the family will be having a joint birthday celebration in October (yes, two months before our wedding) to celebrate her 50th and the daughter's 18th. It wouldn't be a problem, except she JUST told us they're picking the same colors as our wedding. We asked them nicely to change it because we have our wedding just two months after her event and many family/family friends will be attending both. We didn't want all our planning to go to waste and give people a similar vibe. She insisted that she didn't know we had the same colors and it didn't matter, "no one will remember", she's not changing it and that it's "great we have the same colors because you can use our stuff for the wedding when we are done." There's no way she didn't know, because we sent cute proposals to the siblings to be our ushers and she saw our bridal parties' proposals too...all decked out in our wedding colors. She insisted that she's only turning 50 once. Well, isn't our wedding the biggest day of our lives?!?!! 

I can't take it anymore!!!!!! She's crazy!!! We're the ones that's upset and she called my FIL to cry about it saying we are giving her a hard time.... 

I had my dream wedding planned out and now I have to change my colors because of her. I'm sorry for my rant, but I don't know how to deal with her!! She is really a MONSTER in law. Everything needs to be about HER and what I've shared is only a tiny glimpse into her evilness... lol What do I do?! :(
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Re: **RANT** My Monster In Law

  • Your FMIL doesn't have any say as to who is in your wedding party. That is totally your's and your FI decisions. However, I can see how the sister (she isn't too young to be in the WP) would be hurt that she isn't in the party but the brothers are (since you added them at MIL's request. If you don't want her ideas, just bean dip - change the subject. Tell her y'all are making the decisions and change the subject.

    As for the birthday party, I think you are over reacting. The party is two months before your wedding. Who cares if the colors are the same? Maybe she didn't notice your "cute" proposals' colors - I know I wouldn't have. She's right, she only turns 50 once. A lot of people make a big deal out of that birthday as well as an 18th birthday. You don't have to change anything about your wedding day (you get one day) because of the birthday party. Go, be gracious and have a good time.
    First off, thank you for your response. I think you misunderstood me in regards to who's in the wedding party. None of the siblings are in it. The brothers didn't care quite frankly (they're men after all) and it was only the sister making a huge deal out of it. Typical "baby girl" tantrum. To me, the sister is nowhere near old enough to be a bridesmaid. She doesn't drive, she doesn't work, and goes to school full time with ballet full time after school. She cannot help me in any way and her schedule doesn't allow her to be free at all. They are ushers in the wedding to walk down the isle with parents/grandparents. That's the only positions we were able to come up with for them...my own brother will be an usher as well.

    In regards to the FMIL's ideas....I don't think I can stress enough how self centered she is. She will b---- & moan...cry, cry, cry. Yes, she's the type to cry and guilt trip everyone not included in the situation to side with her. 

    I guess I am overreacting a bit. I respect her milestone birthday and her daughters as well. What I am most upset at is the fact she purposely or not chose our colors (trust me, she's been knowing our colors because she had made numerous comments on our colors when we gave our proposals) and made the snarky comment of giving us hand me downs. It was the tone she said it...as if she's still the queen. We don't want hand-me-downs on our big day. We're all aware she feels threatened that there's going to be another Mrs. in the family, but in no way was I trying to compete. Never did and never will. I love her son for him. That simple. So I don't understand why she's always acted like this the 4 years we've been together.

    Just like their birthdays, our wedding day will also be a huge milestone for us. We respected her and informed her of our plans. It's only fair to expect the same vice versa...

    I'm just glad I get to vent on here. I guess I only get so upset because even with how she and my FSIL treats me, I've NEVER once been disrespectful to any of them. It builds up inside. 
  • edited July 13
    We were probably posting at the same time, but I explained why the sister is not a good fit. Though, ultimately we are just not close. 

    I never once said it was all about the bride and my FI does NOT want to dance with her. I mentioned him and her are not very close. It's for this exact reason why he's not close with her. She's manipulative and selfish. She's the showy type of mom that "humble brags" all over facebook. 

    You are absolutely correct that my guests will remember our wedding for elements other than our colors and that's definitely something to consider in this situation. Please read my last response in regards to the colors.

    *Edit: my post was supposed to be more of "how to deal with this woman for the rest of my life & pls let me vent" & not so much that "I have to change the colors"...thanks! :)
  • Your FMIL doesn't have any say as to who is in your wedding party. That is totally your's and your FI decisions. However, I can see how the sister (she isn't too young to be in the WP) would be hurt that she isn't in the party but the brothers are (since you added them at MIL's request. If you don't want her ideas, just bean dip - change the subject. Tell her y'all are making the decisions and change the subject.

    As for the birthday party, I think you are over reacting. The party is two months before your wedding. Who cares if the colors are the same? Maybe she didn't notice your "cute" proposals' colors - I know I wouldn't have. She's right, she only turns 50 once. A lot of people make a big deal out of that birthday as well as an 18th birthday. You don't have to change anything about your wedding day (you get one day) because of the birthday party. Go, be gracious and have a good time.
    First off, thank you for your response. I think you misunderstood me in regards to who's in the wedding party. None of the siblings are in it. The brothers didn't care quite frankly (they're men after all) and it was only the sister making a huge deal out of it. Typical "baby girl" tantrum. To me, the sister is nowhere near old enough to be a bridesmaid. She doesn't drive, she doesn't work, and goes to school full time with ballet full time after school. She cannot help me in any way and her schedule doesn't allow her to be free at all. They are ushers in the wedding to walk down the isle with parents/grandparents. That's the only positions we were able to come up with for them...my own brother will be an usher as well. One of my BMs was my youngest cousin. She turned 17 a week before our wedding. None of my BMs even lived in the same state, so NONE of them helped with planning and everything still managed to go smoothly. The only WP "duties" are to show up on time in the agreed upon attire. None of this matters if you're not close enough to your FSIL to include her though. THAT should be your primary reason for not including her. You're completely within etiquette to only include your nearest & dearest in the WP and I think having brothers as ushers and the BM/GM being friends is fine.

    In regards to the FMIL's ideas....I don't think I can stress enough how self centered she is. She will b---- & moan...cry, cry, cry. Yes, she's the type to cry and guilt trip everyone not included in the situation to side with her. 

    I guess I am overreacting a bit. I respect her milestone birthday and her daughters as well. What I am most upset at is the fact she purposely or not chose our colors (trust me, she's been knowing our colors because she had made numerous comments on our colors when we gave our proposals) and made the snarky comment of giving us hand me downs. It was the tone she said it...as if she's still the queen. We don't want hand-me-downs on our big day. We're all aware she feels threatened that there's going to be another Mrs. in the family, but in no way was I trying to compete. Never did and never will. I love her son for him. That simple. So I don't understand why she's always acted like this the 4 years we've been together. 

    Just like their birthdays, our wedding day will also be a huge milestone for us. We respected her and informed her of our plans. It's only fair to expect the same vice versa... It sounds like she IS respecting your plans by having their birthday parties not on top of your wedding. Will there be OOT family traveling in for their party? That would be the only thing you maybe could be upset about. If family traveled for her birthday and then wasn't able to attend your wedding I could see being a little hurt. But there will also be people who wouldn't or couldn't attend anyway, no matter when or where. Also, you might find it's a bonus if you can use the same decorations! Almost all of our decorations were used/borrowed/repurposed, because buying 8 billion of the same thing gets expensive after a while.

    I'm just glad I get to vent on here. I guess I only get so upset because even with how she and my FSIL treats me, I've NEVER once been disrespectful to any of them. It builds up inside. Have you ever talked to your FI about how his mom & sister treat you? Does he notice it as well? Once you're married, these women will be your family. I know family isn't always close and doesn't have to spend a bunch of time together, but you WILL see them and they will be in your life going forward. Would he be willing to/has he tried to talk to them about this? If his mom love him as much as it sounds, she may listen to him. 

    SP29
  • We've both talked to her numerous times. Beat around the bush, bluntly, etc. You name it, we've done it. 

    She throws a fit every time and say we are "attacking" her.

    LOL. You guys are right. She will never change. At 49, she still pretends she doesn't know how to do most things in life so other people will cater to her. Things like cooking and cleaning. Yep.

    But she's flippin good at manipulating people that's for sure! So jealous of people that have good relationships with this MILs.

    now where's my alcohol at? Lol!
  • First post here, so please bear with me! :)

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    Our wedding is in December and my future MIL is driving me crazy! Well, she's always been driving me crazy. She's the only child and has always been spoiled her whole life. Needless to say, she has problems with sharing. Anything my fiancé does or did for me, she'd want the same. For instance, if I got flowers, she'd want some too. You get the point.

    My fiancé is the 2nd child out of 3 brothers and 1 sister. The youngest is the girl and she's the "baby" of the family. MIL spoils her like no other. Both his youngest sister (she's turning 18 this year) and his mom always saw me as a threat. I was someone who took their son/brother away. HAH! 

    Luckily my fiancé is not very close with his mom and sister. He's independent and it makes avoiding his family a bit easier.

    Anyway, here's my current problem. Ever since announcing our engagement, the MIL has been complaining about how we don't include her in the planning. Well, she's not pitching in a penny and we obviously don't get along, so why add on that stress? Then, she insisted that we put his siblings in the wedding party, stating it's a "Filipino" tradition (MIL is Filipino/FIL is Caucasian). Honestly, I wouldn't mind putting his brothers in the wedding, but def. not the sister. So we decided to have them as ushers of the wedding so that they could still walk down the isle and be "special". Apparently that wasn't good enough with the mom and she said the sister was very sad she couldn't be a bridesmaid. OMG!!! One, she's too young and two, we don't even have a good relationship, so why?!?!?!?!

    Then, she insisted on having a mom/son dance. My fiancé told her that I didn't really want to have a father/daughter dance (my family's more shy) and that it's really about the bride that day. She said it didn't matter if I didn't want one. She wanted to have one with him and she wanted it to go viral. She said, "How about a sexy dance?" WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR SON?!?!?!?!

    Now, she just dropped a bomb on us that she and the "princess" of the family will be having a joint birthday celebration in October (yes, two months before our wedding) to celebrate her 50th and the daughter's 18th. It wouldn't be a problem, except she JUST told us they're picking the same colors as our wedding. We asked them nicely to change it because we have our wedding just two months after her event and many family/family friends will be attending both. We didn't want all our planning to go to waste and give people a similar vibe. She insisted that she didn't know we had the same colors and it didn't matter, "no one will remember", she's not changing it and that it's "great we have the same colors because you can use our stuff for the wedding when we are done." There's no way she didn't know, because we sent cute proposals to the siblings to be our ushers and she saw our bridal parties' proposals too...all decked out in our wedding colors. She insisted that she's only turning 50 once. Well, isn't our wedding the biggest day of our lives?!?!! 

    I can't take it anymore!!!!!! She's crazy!!! We're the ones that's upset and she called my FIL to cry about it saying we are giving her a hard time.... 

    I had my dream wedding planned out and now I have to change my colors because of her. I'm sorry for my rant, but I don't know how to deal with her!! She is really a MONSTER in law. Everything needs to be about HER and what I've shared is only a tiny glimpse into her evilness... lol What do I do?! :(
    Your FMIL doesn't have any say as to who is in your wedding party. That is totally your's and your FI decisions. However, I can see how the sister (she isn't too young to be in the WP) would be hurt that she isn't in the party but the brothers are (since you added them at MIL's request. If you don't want her ideas, just bean dip - change the subject. Tell her y'all are making the decisions and change the subject.

    As for the birthday party, I think you are over reacting. The party is two months before your wedding. Who cares if the colors are the same? Maybe she didn't notice your "cute" proposals' colors - I know I wouldn't have. She's right, she only turns 50 once. A lot of people make a big deal out of that birthday as well as an 18th birthday. You don't have to change anything about your wedding day (you get one day) because of the birthday party. Go, be gracious and have a good time.
    First off, thank you for your response. I think you misunderstood me in regards to who's in the wedding party. None of the siblings are in it. The brothers didn't care quite frankly (they're men after all) and it was only the sister making a huge deal out of it. Typical "baby girl" tantrum. To me, the sister is nowhere near old enough to be a bridesmaid. She doesn't drive, she doesn't work, and goes to school full time with ballet full time after school. She cannot help me in any way and her schedule doesn't allow her to be free at all. They are ushers in the wedding to walk down the isle with parents/grandparents. That's the only positions we were able to come up with for them...my own brother will be an usher as well.

    In regards to the FMIL's ideas....I don't think I can stress enough how self centered she is. She will b---- & moan...cry, cry, cry. Yes, she's the type to cry and guilt trip everyone not included in the situation to side with her. 

    I guess I am overreacting a bit. I respect her milestone birthday and her daughters as well. What I am most upset at is the fact she purposely or not chose our colors (trust me, she's been knowing our colors because she had made numerous comments on our colors when we gave our proposals) and made the snarky comment of giving us hand me downs. It was the tone she said it...as if she's still the queen. We don't want hand-me-downs on our big day. We're all aware she feels threatened that there's going to be another Mrs. in the family, but in no way was I trying to compete. Never did and never will. I love her son for him. That simple. So I don't understand why she's always acted like this the 4 years we've been together.

    Just like their birthdays, our wedding day will also be a huge milestone for us. We respected her and informed her of our plans. It's only fair to expect the same vice versa...

    I'm just glad I get to vent on here. I guess I only get so upset because even with how she and my FSIL treats me, I've NEVER once been disrespectful to any of them. It builds up inside. 

    We've both talked to her numerous times. Beat around the bush, bluntly, etc. You name it, we've done it. 

    She throws a fit every time and say we are "attacking" her.

    LOL. You guys are right. She will never change. At 49, she still pretends she doesn't know how to do most things in life so other people will cater to her. Things like cooking and cleaning. Yep.

    But she's flippin good at manipulating people that's for sure! So jealous of people that have good relationships with this MILs.

    now where's my alcohol at? Lol!
    So much happening here. First, sure she sounds manipulative and self-centered, she's probably not going to change, just also being pretty judgy (Monster in law, really?) probably doesn't help. Like it or not she's going to be part of your life, even if your FI and her are not close. Vent here, but in real life I'd try to rise above, because if you let yourself get pulled into the drama you also end up looking just asbad. 

    If you're not close to his sister don't ask her to be in your wedding party. If your FI wants her in the wedding (or wants to appease his mother/sister) she can stand on his side. But no wedding party member has responsibilities besides walking down the aisle in the right attire, so there shouldn't be anything anyone need to help with/pay for (outside of attire that is in the budget you ask them for)/or schedule around. This goes for any of the people in your wedding. 

    Finally the party; just let it go. No one will remember the colors, decor, or anything else. Attend, have a nice time, and then move on. Don't change your colors, don't fly off the handle at her for planning a party. Again, rise above. 
    SP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    You're right in that the sister isn't an appropriate choice for other reasons (you should pick who you're close to and MIL doesn't get a say), but PPs are mentioning that age isn't an actual factor. At all. No age is too young to be a bridesmaid, unless it's questionable whether they'll be able to stand up with you without running off or throwing a tantrum. The only actual BM duties are to stand up with you, maybe in a particular dress. An 18 year old could easily do that, if you were close with her. But you're not.

    Also, the brothers are in the wedding party. If you really think ushers aren't part of the wedding party, then you've just given them a job for the wedding where they have to get specific attire, and specifically making a point to say they're not in a position of honor. Pretty shitty. I know a lot of people here consider ushers to be a b-list sort of wedding party position, so already stating, "I want you to do stuff for me, but you're really not that close to me, unlike my real friends." If they're just going to escort grandparents, be sure to let them wear whatever they want.

    No one cares about your colors but you. Seriously. People won't notice if the parties have similar color schemes.

    You can just stop talking to MIL about this stuff. You don't ever need to be the person who has "talked to" her about an issue. It's not going to do any good. Let your FI handle all communication from now on.

    There can be just a mother/son dance without a father/daughter dance. It's not supposed to be equal or greater spotlight on the bride. If your FI doesn't want to do it, he can say no, but he should own that decision ("I don't want any additional spotlight dances.") rather than giving some BS about how the day is supposed to be about the bride. If your FI does want to do it, they should do it.

    Anniversary

    SP29mollybarker11PrettyGirlLost
  • If your FI wants to cow to his mom and have his sister in the WP, than she can stand on his side.  But the bride is the only one who gets to pick who is in her own WP.  If the sister doesn't want to be an usher, perhaps she'd be somewhat mollified with doing a reading instead?

    For her mom/son dance request, could a compromise be the DJ opening up the dance floor and then in the first song or two announce that, "This next song, (title), is a special choice from the groom to his mom (insert her name)."  And then that could be "their dance".  But, since there are other people on the dance floor, you wouldn't necessarily feel obligated to dance with your dad.

    Did your FMIL purposely pick your wedding colors for her b-day party colors?  She very well might have.  I can understand why that irks you on top of everything else but you need to just let this roll off your back.  It really doesn't matter.  Her party is two months earlier.  She's not stealing any of your all's thunder and nobody is going to remember her color theme.

    As for the most important part...dealing with this woman for the rest of your life...it sounds like you and your FI are already on the right track.  In general, listen to what she is saying.  Acknowledge what she said.  Then you and your H make your decision and stand firm.

    You both already know she is prone to histrionics and manipulation.  Don't cave.  End the conversation if it is going nowhere.  Here are some phrase ideas to remember:

    "I'm sorry you feel we are attacking you.  We are not.  We have just decided that X is a better option for our family."  Repeat as needed.

    "Mother, this conversation is now going in circles and you appear upset.  We have already decided X and are not discussing it further.  Knottie #'s and I are going to leave and let you cool down."

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    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    First post here, so please bear with me! :)

    ------

    Our wedding is in December and my future MIL is driving me crazy! Well, she's always been driving me crazy. She's the only child and has always been spoiled her whole life. Needless to say, she has problems with sharing. Anything my fiancé does or did for me, she'd want the same. For instance, if I got flowers, she'd want some too. You get the point.

    My fiancé is the 2nd child out of 3 brothers and 1 sister. The youngest is the girl and she's the "baby" of the family. MIL spoils her like no other. Both his youngest sister (she's turning 18 this year) and his mom always saw me as a threat. I was someone who took their son/brother away. HAH! 

    Luckily my fiancé is not very close with his mom and sister. He's independent and it makes avoiding his family a bit easier.

    Anyway, here's my current problem. Ever since announcing our engagement, the MIL has been complaining about how we don't include her in the planning. Well, she's not pitching in a penny and we obviously don't get along, so why add on that stress? Then, she insisted that we put his siblings in the wedding party, stating it's a "Filipino" tradition (MIL is Filipino/FIL is Caucasian). Honestly, I wouldn't mind putting his brothers in the wedding, but def. not the sister. So we decided to have them as ushers of the wedding so that they could still walk down the isle and be "special". Apparently that wasn't good enough with the mom and she said the sister was very sad she couldn't be a bridesmaid. OMG!!! One, she's too young and two, we don't even have a good relationship, so why?!?!?!?!

    Then, she insisted on having a mom/son dance. My fiancé told her that I didn't really want to have a father/daughter dance (my family's more shy) and that it's really about the bride that day. She said it didn't matter if I didn't want one. She wanted to have one with him and she wanted it to go viral. She said, "How about a sexy dance?" WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR SON?!?!?!?!

    Now, she just dropped a bomb on us that she and the "princess" of the family will be having a joint birthday celebration in October (yes, two months before our wedding) to celebrate her 50th and the daughter's 18th. It wouldn't be a problem, except she JUST told us they're picking the same colors as our wedding. We asked them nicely to change it because we have our wedding just two months after her event and many family/family friends will be attending both. We didn't want all our planning to go to waste and give people a similar vibe. She insisted that she didn't know we had the same colors and it didn't matter, "no one will remember", she's not changing it and that it's "great we have the same colors because you can use our stuff for the wedding when we are done." There's no way she didn't know, because we sent cute proposals to the siblings to be our ushers and she saw our bridal parties' proposals too...all decked out in our wedding colors. She insisted that she's only turning 50 once. Well, isn't our wedding the biggest day of our lives?!?!! 

    I can't take it anymore!!!!!! She's crazy!!! We're the ones that's upset and she called my FIL to cry about it saying we are giving her a hard time.... 

    I had my dream wedding planned out and now I have to change my colors because of her. I'm sorry for my rant, but I don't know how to deal with her!! She is really a MONSTER in law. Everything needs to be about HER and what I've shared is only a tiny glimpse into her evilness... lol What do I do?! :(
    Well, as regards the actual members of your wedding party, that's strictly up to you. If you don't want your FSIL in it because you don't feel close to her, that's your privilege. If your FI wants to include her on his side, he can do that. Sides don't have to be even or same sex as principal. 

    I would let her have the spotlight dance with your FI (although I agree with you that your reception is not the time for the kind of dance she wants: nor is your FI an appropriate partner for that) but your FI needs to be the one to make clear that the dance has to be suitable for a mother-son dance.

    As for the wedding colors, I'd just ignore that. If your FMIL tries to pressure you to take her decorations, I'd just say "Thanks" and nothing else and either take them or not. You don't owe her an explanation if you don't, but you could say "Thanks, but we have everything we need."
    DrillSergeantCat
  • Thank you everyone for your inputs! 

    I agree I have to pick my battles (been doing that the past 4 years with this woman). 

    I think everyone can agree that wedding planning sometimes if not all the time turns the bride into a bridezilla lol I shouldn't let her little tactics get to me.

    woooooosaaaaaa!!! Anyone have interesting MIL stories to share? Haha
    SP29
  • Thank you everyone for your inputs! 

    I agree I have to pick my battles (been doing that the past 4 years with this woman). 

    I think everyone can agree that wedding planning sometimes if not all the time turns the bride into a bridezilla lol I shouldn't let her little tactics get to me.

    woooooosaaaaaa!!! Anyone have interesting MIL stories to share? Haha


    Not a MIL (thank all the stars in heaven) story, but an ex-b/f's mom story.

    She was a martyr.  But refused to let anyone help her because nobody does anything better than her.  It was 3 weeks before Thanksgiving when the "woe is me" comments started about cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner.  I immediately asked/offered to bring some dishes.  No, no, no.  Two weeks of the "woe is me" comment barrage.  Me, "IZ, why don't you let me take care of dessert.  I'd be happy to."  No, no, no, I already bought the ingredients.

    It was a paradigm shift for me because, in my family, Thanksgiving is a collaborative effort.  I felt like I needed to bring something.  So my b/f suggested a bottle of Reisling.  She was a boxed wine Pink Zin kind of gal, who never treated herself to nicer wines.  But apparently also liked Reislings.

    Here's what happened:

    Me (just arrived):  "Hi IZ, Happy Thanksgiving!  I brought some wine." (Hands her bottle)

    IZ, with a really unhappy scowl:  "What is this?  Why did you bring this?"

    Me:  "Oh...well...D said that you liked Reislings, so I wanted to bring you a bottle as a thank-you for cooking TG dinner."

    IZ:  "I like my wine (referring to the boxed Pink Zin).  I was going to serve that."

    Me (maintaining my perky smile and upbeat tone):  "Oh, of course!  I wasn't trying to replace the wine you were already planning for dinner.  I just wanted to thank you for your hospitality.  You enjoy it at your leisure."

    IZ, slightly mollified: "Okay."


    At least I enjoyed LMAO in my own head at the thought of Pink Zin being a "planned wine" for any meal.

      


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    SP29eileenrobOliveOilsMom
  • Oh wow! That is so stupid! Did she give you a hard time the rest of the meal? Did you ex jump in to say something?

    I would've just showed face and then leave to be with my family. 

    I cannot stand these people! OMG!
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited July 14
    Most people on the boards know that MIL tried to buy me off, refused to come to the wedding until threatened by DH, refused to stand in the receiving line with "that bitch" (my mother), and spent the reception crying in a corner telling people her son had just made the worst mistake of his life.  I won.  We have been happily married for 41 years.  She is long dead, but she forgave me for marrying her son when I had her first grandchild.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Knottie75624729short+sassy
  • CMGragain said:
    Most people on the boards know that MIL tried to buy me off, refused to come to the wedding until threatened by DH, refused to stand in the receiving line with "that bitch" (my mother), and spent the reception crying in a corner telling people her son had just made the worst mistake of his life.  I won.  We have been happily married for 41 years.  She is long dead, but she forgave me for marrying her son when I had her first grandchild.
    Wow! That's horrible. And I thought I had it bad...

    Why didn't she like you or your mom?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Here's a story for you. My dad's mother HATED my mom. I don't know why, honestly. She refused to go to the wedding at first, but after much begging from my dad, she finally came. She treated the day like a funeral. At the end of the reception, she went up to my mom, yanked on her arm and said, "I'll always come first in his life, and don't you forget it." 

    Fast forward 10 years, and my parents have me. I'm an infant, and my dad's mother comes over to visit. She was a heavy 2 pack a day smoker. She went to light up a cigarette in the house, and my mom very nicely asked her to please either put it out or smoke outside. She flat out refused. She finished her cigarette, and left. And never returned. She would not step foot in our house if she wasn't going to be allowed to smoke inside. 

    Sadly my only memories of her were of visiting her in the hospital, as she died from emphysema when I was 6. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Here's a story for you. My dad's mother HATED my mom. I don't know why, honestly. She refused to go to the wedding at first, but after much begging from my dad, she finally came. She treated the day like a funeral. At the end of the reception, she went up to my mom, yanked on her arm and said, "I'll always come first in his life, and don't you forget it." 

    Fast forward 10 years, and my parents have me. I'm an infant, and my dad's mother comes over to visit. She was a heavy 2 pack a day smoker. She went to light up a cigarette in the house, and my mom very nicely asked her to please either put it out or smoke outside. She flat out refused. She finished her cigarette, and left. And never returned. She would not step foot in our house if she wasn't going to be allowed to smoke inside. 

    Sadly my only memories of her were of visiting her in the hospital, as she died from emphysema when I was 6. 
    That you don't have many memories of your grandmother may not be so sad if she treated your mother like that. She might have treated you the same way or worse if she'd lived longer and been physically healthier.
    climbingwife
  • Oh wow! That is so stupid! Did she give you a hard time the rest of the meal? Did you ex jump in to say something?

    I would've just showed face and then leave to be with my family. 

    I cannot stand these people! OMG!

    No, she was at least relatively pleasant the rest of the meal.  If she hadn't been, I probably would have made an escape shortly after dinner.  My family lives 1500 miles away, so hanging out with them for some of the day was not an option.

    My ex was in a different part of the house when I first arrived, so he did not witness that exchange.  Throughout that relationship, she was always nicer to me when he was present.  I avoided as much as I could being alone with her.  But, at the time, he was in trade school and living at home.  So, unfortunately, I was over there pretty often.

    He was also really close to her and, perhaps I should have stood up for myself, but I didn't want to be a cause of conflict between him and his mom.  So I played nice and pretended the "backhanded compliments" were real compliments, that kind of thing.

    She was very nice and welcoming to me, at first.  But then my ex's father, her H of over 25 years, left her.  Almost overnight, I became the "other woman" for her son's affections.  I tried to be understanding about what she was going through, at first.  But after months of that treatment, I stopped making excuses for her.  At least in my own head.  I was always nice and polite to her.

    Oh!  This was hilarious also.  D kept in occasional contact with his longtime ex-g/f.  His mom would GUSH about her.  At least 1-2x/month and ask D how she was doing.  This ex's BFF happened to live in my apartment complex, but she and I were also friendly.  After D and I broke up, I happened to see her by the pool and told her what had happened.  She asked me, "Did you get along with his mom?"  I laughed and said, "It's funny you asked that.  On the outside, she plays such a nice and charming hostess.  But she was a real bitch to me in private."  Turns out, the ex-g/f and IZ really disliked each other and would have verbal arguments on the regular.

    At least I got gushed about to the next g/f, lol.

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    MissKittyDangerKnottie75624729SP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Jen4948 said:
    Here's a story for you. My dad's mother HATED my mom. I don't know why, honestly. She refused to go to the wedding at first, but after much begging from my dad, she finally came. She treated the day like a funeral. At the end of the reception, she went up to my mom, yanked on her arm and said, "I'll always come first in his life, and don't you forget it." 

    Fast forward 10 years, and my parents have me. I'm an infant, and my dad's mother comes over to visit. She was a heavy 2 pack a day smoker. She went to light up a cigarette in the house, and my mom very nicely asked her to please either put it out or smoke outside. She flat out refused. She finished her cigarette, and left. And never returned. She would not step foot in our house if she wasn't going to be allowed to smoke inside. 

    Sadly my only memories of her were of visiting her in the hospital, as she died from emphysema when I was 6. 
    That you don't have many memories of your grandmother may not be so sad if she treated your mother like that. She might have treated you the same way or worse if she'd lived longer and been physically healthier.
    I agree. I actually meant sadly for her. I should have included that. Once I was an adult and found out the way she treated my mother, I was happy to have not known her. 

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    I have 2 MIL stories to share.  And I will preface and say that MIL is a wonderful woman and she just sometimes doesn't think before she acts. 

    We weren't married yet.  It was my birthday.  She was asking of birthday plans.  I told her dinner at X with friends, then to Y bar afterwards.  So I'm drinking my fishbowl with friends and H comes up and says "My mom is here", I give him a WTF look.  And he repeats, my mom is here, she is walking across the parking lot now.  I look out the window and I'm like - that's your mom.  She comes in with her friend and it gets awkward fast.  This isn't her type of bar, only reason she is there is because she knew we would be there.  She also leaves pretty quickly, after H talked to her.  Next day, H goes to her house and gives her what for.  BIL/SIL were over at the time and they too tell her how inappropriate it was for her to show up.  Since then, I've never mentioned where I was going to birthday outings again.

    2nd story.  We were married and I was working crazy hours at work.  On the weekend, I had a b-party overnight.  So I knew I BARELY saw H all weekend. H & I both took off Monday so we could have some time together.  MIL calls around lunch and says she is with her new BF and she wants to come over so we can meet him.  H says repeatedly its not a good time don't come over.  I even say the same thing.  SHE SHOWS UP 10 MINUTES LATER!!!!!  I'm livid and walk out the back door because I can't even see her face.  H goes out front to talk to her and get her to leave.  She didn't even step foot in the house.  They left after a minute.  I was so angry!  It took me a while to get over this one, not gonna lie.  A week later she was supposed to go to Coach bag bingo but couldn't, I was so relieved because I didn't think I could be civil even a week later.  To this day, she acts like the only reason she came over was because her phone was broken and H had to fix it.  We both call out her BS on that!

    short+sassyKnottie75624729
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited July 14
    CMGragain said:
    Most people on the boards know that MIL tried to buy me off, refused to come to the wedding until threatened by DH, refused to stand in the receiving line with "that bitch" (my mother), and spent the reception crying in a corner telling people her son had just made the worst mistake of his life.  I won.  We have been happily married for 41 years.  She is long dead, but she forgave me for marrying her son when I had her first grandchild.
    Wow! That's horrible. And I thought I had it bad...

    Why didn't she like you or your mom?
      The two ladies both attended college together.  Both of them were very difficult people with mental issues.  My mother just hid it better, but she had a shady reputation.  Our families have known each other for at least 170 years, attending the same churches, etc.
    I met DH when we were both 15, and we were a high school couple.  I broke up with him senior year, partly because of his crazy, controlling mother's weird phone calls.  Seven years later, we got together, and after four days of talking and two months of letter writing, we decided to get married as quickly as possible.  I wanted a church wedding, so I planned a simple one in two months.  Part of the reason I said "Yes" was that DH had a great job 1100 miles away from both of them!
    The two ladies lived about three blocks apart, and they never spoke.  MIL calmed down a little after she realized that I was nothing like my mother.  She adored my daughter, and I was grateful, because my own mother didn't like babies.  MIL died long ago from emphesema.  My Mom died three years ago.  I was glad I could protect my two children from both of them!  It never got much better.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Knottie75624729
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