Moms and Maids

**RANT** My Monster In Law

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Re: **RANT** My Monster In Law

  • Here's a story for you. My dad's mother HATED my mom. I don't know why, honestly. She refused to go to the wedding at first, but after much begging from my dad, she finally came. She treated the day like a funeral. At the end of the reception, she went up to my mom, yanked on her arm and said, "I'll always come first in his life, and don't you forget it." 

    Fast forward 10 years, and my parents have me. I'm an infant, and my dad's mother comes over to visit. She was a heavy 2 pack a day smoker. She went to light up a cigarette in the house, and my mom very nicely asked her to please either put it out or smoke outside. She flat out refused. She finished her cigarette, and left. And never returned. She would not step foot in our house if she wasn't going to be allowed to smoke inside. 

    Sadly my only memories of her were of visiting her in the hospital, as she died from emphysema when I was 6. 
    My dad's mum didn't like my mum at the beginning because she was "stealing her baby away from her" but eventually got over it - idk how - and after my mum had me, she was over helping my mum. Now they have a great relationship.
    It's too bad this woman couldn't get over herself and missed out :(
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
    climbingwife
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited July 17
    scribe95 said:
    I just wanted to say I have an amazing mother in law and know I am so very lucky. And even when a MIL is a paid I hate the use of Monsterinlaw. IT's just so demeaning and rude.
    Unfortunately, your having a really nice MIL doesn't change the fact that many other people have terrible MILs who merit the description "monster-in-law" due to their behavior.

    The term is not aimed at your MIL or at MILs in general, so I disagree that it's "demeaning" or "rude" to refer to an MIL as a "monster-in-law" who has earned the description with rude, intensely hostile, and/or abusive behavior towards her child-in-law.

    Edited to add: Fathers-in-law can also earn themselves the description if they are rude, intensely hostile and/or abusive to their children-in-law.
    Knottie75624729PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • scribe95 said:
    I just wanted to say I have an amazing mother in law and know I am so very lucky. And even when a MIL is a paid I hate the use of Monsterinlaw. IT's just so demeaning and rude.
    I agree with all of this. Even if I had a terrible relationship with her I would still think this is demeaning. I don't have a great relationship with my mother but don't resort to name calling. It's immature. Even if she's horrible, it's still uncalled for. 
    missJeanLouisescribe95CMGragainclimbingwife
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    member
    edited July 18
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, it's demeaning and rude to call ANYONE a monster. Period. Maybe they deserve it. Eye of the beholder I guess. But seems juvenile and unnecessary.

    Stuck in box

    Does that also apply to terms like "dick," "bitch," "piece of work," "douchecanoe," and profanities that get used in this forum all the time?

    If "monster-in-law" in an anonymous forum is "rude" and "disrespectful," aren't those other terms "rude" and "disrespectful" as well?
    Knottie75624729PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, it's demeaning and rude to call ANYONE a monster. Period. Maybe they deserve it. Eye of the beholder I guess. But seems juvenile and unnecessary.
    To her face, yes.

    But venting in an anonymous forum? 

    Does that inclure not using the terms "bitch," "piece of work," or any other negative description? I've seen lots of less than 100% positive descriptions of people here, along with snarky .gifs.

    Sorry, but by your standard anything but "Oh, what a wonderful person!" is "rude" and "disrespectful" if it isn't 100% Pollyanna positive. That means that almost everything here is "rude" and "disrespectful" when it's negative - or does that only apply to newbies and people you personally disagree with but not you?
    I completely agree with Jen. I've mentioned that I'm nothing but respectful to her face and that this is a place for me to vent. I enjoy hearing people's inputs and their stories.

    Constructive criticisms or beat around the bush "nice" comments or not, we're all here with the same goal...to vent. Vent to get our frustrations out, vent to get advice, vent to give our two cents, etc.

    Just like other people's responses to my original post, saying I'm overreacting and such...yeah, it hurt to read those, but I took it as constructive criticisms to get my head back on straight and (wedding planning is crazy!) look at the bigger picture. 

    I'm not a saint and neither are the people that found this "monster" term demeaning. Everyone has called someone else some kind of name at some point. Calling someone "immature" or "rude" is just as demeaning...

    You may have only read these couple of examples I've (or others) have given about their MILs, but I'm the one who has to deal with mine in person. She's done so many things that helped her earn that title in my book.

    I'm lucky that my fiancé stands on my side and thinks just as lowly of her as I do. As a matter of fact, she's in his phone as "Smother aka The Devil" LOL. I was actually the one that brought them back to talking terms. Before we got together, they were on not speaking terms for years due to her manipulative ways!! He couldn't take it!! I just wanted everyone to get along and be happy, but thinking back, it probably would have been better if they stayed not talking haha! ;)
    knottie1027
  • Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, it's demeaning and rude to call ANYONE a monster. Period. Maybe they deserve it. Eye of the beholder I guess. But seems juvenile and unnecessary.

    Stuck in box

    Does that also apply to terms like "dick," "bitch," "piece of work," "douchecanoe," and profanities that get used in this forum all the time?

    If "monster-in-law" in an anonymous forum is "rude" and "disrespectful," aren't those other terms "rude" and "disrespectful" as well?
    Yes, and you'll rarely (never?) see me use those. Pretty sure my posting is fairly consistent here. 
    InLoveInQueenslovesclimbingSTARMOON44
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    member
    Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, it's demeaning and rude to call ANYONE a monster. Period. Maybe they deserve it. Eye of the beholder I guess. But seems juvenile and unnecessary.

    Stuck in box

    Does that also apply to terms like "dick," "bitch," "piece of work," "douchecanoe," and profanities that get used in this forum all the time?

    If "monster-in-law" in an anonymous forum is "rude" and "disrespectful," aren't those other terms "rude" and "disrespectful" as well?
    Yes, and you'll rarely (never?) see me use those. Pretty sure my posting is fairly consistent here. 
    I enjoy reading your posts for exactly that reason - even when we disagree. Which isn't often!
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • You both already know she is prone to histrionics and manipulation.  Don't cave.  End the conversation if it is going nowhere.  Here are some phrase ideas to remember:

    "I'm sorry you feel we are attacking you.  We are not.  We have just decided that X is a better option for our family."  Repeat as needed.

    "Mother, this conversation is now going in circles and you appear upset.  We have already decided X and are not discussing it further.  Knottie #'s and I are going to leave and let you cool down."

    Great suggestions. OP, I don't have anyone in my life who cries to get their way (except my nephew), but if I had to deal with an adult behaving this way I would gtfo of that conversation with "It seems like you need some time alone to process this." Hang up or walk out of the room.

    As for the issues with your upcoming wedding:
    - Her reasons for wanting a mother/son dance seem very weird, but his reason for not having one put all the blame on you. Not cool. If it's brought up again, he needs to tell her it's something he doesn't want.
    - Her reasons for wanting all her children in the wedding are irrelevant (no one has a say over your WP), but your reasons for excluding the sister after including all the brothers are weak. I don't think you should have given in on this request by "proposing" that the brothers be ushers but, now that you have, I can understand why the sister is upset. I would ask her to do a reading.
    - The birthday party is nothing to get worked up about and second-hand decor is nothing to turn your nose up at.

    SP29
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    Can we share? I love that combo of colours too <3
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
    short+sassy
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    Can we share? I love that combo of colours too <3

    ((@short+sassy waves her magic wand)).  Grants @MissKittyDanger approval to use her colors.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MissKittyDangerDrillSergeantCat
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    Can we share? I love that combo of colours too <3

    ((@short+sassy waves her magic wand)).  Grants @MissKittyDanger approval to use her colors.
    yayy!!!
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
    short+sassy
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    Squish the Fish! 

    Go Bills!
    cupcait927
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    OMG those are my dream house colors. We live basically in the woods, so it would look pretty stupid in our neighborhood, but I always wanted a house (on stilts) teal & coral with white shutters. Color me jealous!
    short+sassy
  • short+sassyshort+sassy
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited July 24
    Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    OMG those are my dream house colors. We live basically in the woods, so it would look pretty stupid in our neighborhood, but I always wanted a house (on stilts) teal & coral with white shutters. Color me jealous!


    I live in NOLA.  This city is pretty flagrant when it comes to house colors, lol.  So my brightly colored house fits right in.  Here's a pic:

    Oh!  And not quite "stilts", but the house is raised off the ground a few feet.  In the front, it's those concrete stairs.  But, if you were to look at it from the side, it's just open air under the house.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Heffalumpsouthernbelle0915PrettyGirlLost
  • Ro041 said:
    I feel like everything has been covered, but I want to point out one thing - no one owns colors.  They aren't "ours" or "yours".  You don't own colors.  Everyone gets to enjoy colors.  I am sure thousands of brides around the world are going to be using "your" colors this year while you are using them.  It's just not that deep.  

    This is def a "look at that bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place" moment.  


    I reluctantly agree with you.

    But it pisses me off I don't own teal.  I love that color and even painted the exterior of my house teal (with coral accents).  So it should be mine.

    The Miami Dolphins are also my favorite AFC team.  But they have my approval for using my colors.

    OMG those are my dream house colors. We live basically in the woods, so it would look pretty stupid in our neighborhood, but I always wanted a house (on stilts) teal & coral with white shutters. Color me jealous!


    I live in NOLA.  This city is pretty flagrant when it comes to house colors, lol.  So my brightly colored house fits right in.  Here's a pic:

    Oh!  And not quite "stilts", but the house is raised off the ground a few feet.  In the front, it's those concrete stairs.  But, if you were to look at it from the side, it's just open air under the house.

    I love it! My home decor tastes would fit in so much better in NOLA ;) 
    short+sassy
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