Pre-wedding Parties

We want an engagement party, but how?

We just moved to a new town not that long ago. We have made some new friends here, but no one super close yet. Therefore, I am guessing they may not feel comfortable throwing a pre-wedding/engagement party for us. Friends in our previous town live quite a long distance from us, so I'm sure they won't throw us one either. Both our families lives in other states. No one has asked us about this, or mentioned it, or hinted, or anything. We both have been married before and never had any pre-wedding party (no bridal shower, engagement, bachelor/bachelorette), though we both would like an engagement party. Here's what I'm wondering... I know it's improper etiquette to throw ourselves a party. We don't want gifts, aren't registered, and wouldn't ask for any. Just our friends' presence to celebrate with us is all we want. We are fine paying for a party ourselves. In this circumstance, is it still wrong to host a party to celebrate our engagement? We don't want a bridal shower or bach parties. Of course everyone that we invite would also be invited to our wedding. I don't feel right dropping hints or anything remotely along those lines... I won't ask someone to throw one for us. If it's still wrong, are we just out of luck for celebrating our engagement with friends or is there another option? We have been engaged for 2 months, so I know the clock is sort of ticking on this so it's not that odd engagement party several months later which can look sort of attention-grabby. Plus, I'd like to have it before winter hits so it doesn't hinder travel for friends out of town who want to attend. Thoughts? 

Re: We want an engagement party, but how?

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited July 18
    We just moved to a new town not that long ago. We have made some new friends here, but no one super close yet. Therefore, I am guessing they may not feel comfortable throwing a pre-wedding/engagement party for us. Friends in our previous town live quite a long distance from us, so I'm sure they won't throw us one either. Both our families lives in other states. No one has asked us about this, or mentioned it, or hinted, or anything. We both have been married before and never had any pre-wedding party (no bridal shower, engagement, bachelor/bachelorette), though we both would like an engagement party. Here's what I'm wondering... I know it's improper etiquette to throw ourselves a party. We don't want gifts, aren't registered, and wouldn't ask for any. Just our friends' presence to celebrate with us is all we want. We are fine paying for a party ourselves. In this circumstance, is it still wrong to host a party to celebrate our engagement? We don't want a bridal shower or bach parties. Of course everyone that we invite would also be invited to our wedding. I don't feel right dropping hints or anything remotely along those lines... I won't ask someone to throw one for us. If it's still wrong, are we just out of luck for celebrating our engagement with friends or is there another option? We have been engaged for 2 months, so I know the clock is sort of ticking on this so it's not that odd engagement party several months later which can look sort of attention-grabby. Plus, I'd like to have it before winter hits so it doesn't hinder travel for friends out of town who want to attend. Thoughts? 
    Many brides do not get engagement parties.  It sounds like you won't, either, so readjust your expectations now.  DO NOT ask anyone to give you an engagement party!  This would be very, very rude indeed!    The idea, like a bridal shower (which you may not get, either), has to come from someone else, not you.

    No, you absolutely cannot throw your own engagement party.  Horrible etiquette!  However, you can throw a PARTY at any time you wish to have a fun evening with your friends and family.  Just don't call it an "engagement party".    This really has an advantage because you don't have to worry about only inviting future wedding guests.

    To be clear, my own daughter did not have either an engagement party or a bridal shower.  We live 2000 miles away, and her friends did not offer.  She was a bit disappointed, but understood the rules.

    Just have a nice party, and if anyone doesn't already know that you are engaged, you can say, "Oh, yes!  We are planning a June wedding!"
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    InLoveInQueensSP29MairePoppy
  • Thank you both for the response! That's what I thought, but thought I would post it anyway for feedback. No, I definitely wouldn't ask someone or hint for one. We didn't expect one... just something we would like since neither of us had one before. Since we are new here, I planned on throwing a backyard party next month to get to know our new friends better, so maybe I will just invite a few of our old friends for that and call it good. :smile: 
    CMGragainSP29sparklepants41short+sassy
  • Thank you both for the response! That's what I thought, but thought I would post it anyway for feedback. No, I definitely wouldn't ask someone or hint for one. We didn't expect one... just something we would like since neither of us had one before. Since we are new here, I planned on throwing a backyard party next month to get to know our new friends better, so maybe I will just invite a few of our old friends for that and call it good. :smile: 
    I think this is a good approach. 

    Since you're new to your area and still getting to know people, you wouldn't want to invite new acquaintances to an engagement party, realize you don't really care for them and then be obligated to invite them to your wedding. 
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    CMGragaincharlotte989875sparklepants41short+sassy

  • I think this is a good approach. 

    Since you're new to your area and still getting to know people, you wouldn't want to invite new acquaintances to an engagement party, realize you don't really care for them and then be obligated to invite them to your wedding. 
    Good point. Thank you!
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