Wedding Party

Fiance's Brother/Groomsman Try to Break Our Engagement!

Fiance's brother was a groomsman.

They aren't close. When we visit, he doesn't make a point to see us. In the 6 years we've been together, I've never said more than hi to him. (Truly!) He never calls fiance or keeps in touch.

Now during fiance's bachelor party day, his brother sort of crashed it and kept trying to pull my fiance away. His friends were getting annoyed, and so was fiance. (By the way- this was all messaged to me during the party by the other groomsmen, who I have great relationships with.) The friends finally went to do something and the brother snared fiance and pulled him away from an activity he really wanted to do.

He allegedly spent half an hour trying to convince my fiance not to marry me because I'm "conniving and terrible" because we live in a different city than his family. (It was entirely fiance's choice- I was willing to move anywhere with him.)

Fiance demoted his brother to an usher because he was so upset that he ruined the party and was so disrespectful to me, but I'm having a hard time even wanting to see this jerk at all! Why would a practically perfect stranger try to break his brother's engagement? Why would he go to the party after not hanging out in 5 years to do it? If he hates me so much, why would he even want to come to the wedding at all?

I'm just thankful I won't have to see his mug in my bridal party pictures, I guess... now I"m just afraid he'll object during the ceremony!


Re: Fiance's Brother/Groomsman Try to Break Our Engagement!

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Fiance's brother was a groomsman.

    They aren't close. When we visit, he doesn't make a point to see us. In the 6 years we've been together, I've never said more than hi to him. (Truly!) He never calls fiance or keeps in touch.

    Now during fiance's bachelor party day, his brother sort of crashed it and kept trying to pull my fiance away. His friends were getting annoyed, and so was fiance. (By the way- this was all messaged to me during the party by the other groomsmen, who I have great relationships with.) The friends finally went to do something and the brother snared fiance and pulled him away from an activity he really wanted to do.

    He allegedly spent half an hour trying to convince my fiance not to marry me because I'm "conniving and terrible" because we live in a different city than his family. (It was entirely fiance's choice- I was willing to move anywhere with him.)

    Fiance demoted his brother to an usher because he was so upset that he ruined the party and was so disrespectful to me, but I'm having a hard time even wanting to see this jerk at all! Why would a practically perfect stranger try to break his brother's engagement? Why would he go to the party after not hanging out in 5 years to do it? If he hates me so much, why would he even want to come to the wedding at all?

    I'm just thankful I won't have to see his mug in my bridal party pictures, I guess... now I"m just afraid he'll object during the ceremony!


    Eek. 

    Personally, I think it was rude for your FI to "demote" his brother.   But, that ship has sailed.

    My advice to you is to stay out of this as much as possible.   Listen to your FI vent and support him,  but do not encourage any negative talk or contribute to it.   Here's why I say this ....

    Shortly before our wedding, my brother blew up at me.  It was so bad that my (now) husband and I left my parents' house during our family Christmas celebration and drove home in the middle of the night (3.5 hour drive).   This type of scene was not exactly out of character for him,  and my husband had always been a bit wary of my brother. But, he was careful not to speak poorly of him and not to insert himself into our family drama. 

    My husband had asked my brother to be an usher, but he declined,  saying he just wanted to be a guest.  I was terrified of what he (my brother) was going to do at our wedding.   Fortunately, he showed up,  smiled for family pictures, and left the reception early.   I think we spoke 2 words to each other.   

    Fast forward 4 years.   Several things have since happened and my brother and I are very close.   He actually was just in town over the weekend visiting us.   He and my husband now get along great and hang out.  Had my husband become involved in our feud, this would've been incredibly difficult. 

    Regarding the objection to your wedding, is that in your ceremony script?  If so, remove it (fwiw, I can't think of a wedding I've attended that had that).  If for some crazy reason he does that,  it will reflect on him,  not on you. 

    Even as an usher, his brother will likely still be in pictures.  Heck,  even not as an usher,  my brother was in family pictures.   Smile and be gracious.  I no longer speak to one of my bridesmaids (ironically, it was my brother's now -ex wife)  We have a portrait of our wedding party in our house and she's in it.   I barely notice it now. 

    Bottom line ... be gracious and take a deep breath.   And let the family drama stay with his side of the family.



    Anniversary
    charlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • marigold40marigold40
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 18
    I agree with PP that this is an issue between your fiance and his brother. I understand you are angry, but I think uninviting him to the wedding altogether may just feed fuel to the fire. Try to take the civil route and allow him to attend. Maybe he will realize he was wrong about his judgement of you, maybe he won't, but at least you did the right thing. At some point he agreed to be a groomsman at your wedding, so maybe there is some other issue going on between him and your fiance (which it seems likely since it sounds like they have a distant relationship), so the root of this may not necessarily be about you.

    I'm not sure of your religious requirements (or possible state requirements), but the majority of weddings I have been to don't ask "does anyone object" - maybe this is a possibility for you to just skip it? If the officiant must ask that as a requirement and the brother does object, it may not call the wedding off... it depends. Usually if someone objects they have to prove that the two individuals cannot legally marry (already married, underage, or if they are related) - not just because someone doesn't like them. I would suggest talking this over with your officiant so it will put your mind at ease. 
  • This is between your FI and his brother.  Stay out of it!  Don't talk to other people about this.  If you add fuel to the fire, you might just get burned.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    If your FI isn't close with his brother he shouldn't have asked him to be a groomsmen. But, your FI did ask him, and as a groomsman, he should be been included in the bachelor party. That's pretty rude to leave him out. 

    You say that the brother is a stranger to your FI - but, he's not a stranger. It's his brother. They grew up together, yes? 

    I don't understand why the other groomsmen were texting you a play by play during the bachelor party. This seems odd, and immature. 

    Your FI was wrong to "demote" him. I guess that ship has sailed. But this is between your FI and his brother. Stay out of it. 

    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyeileenrobOliveOilsMom
  • If your FI isn't close with his brother he shouldn't have asked him to be a groomsmen. But, your FI did ask him, and as a groomsman, he should be been included in the bachelor party. That's pretty rude to leave him out. 
    I was just about to mention this.

    Also, OP why was your FI's brother excluded from the party?
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    It was stupid of your FI to ask him to be a GM if they aren't close. But he made his bed, and should have invited the brother to the b-party after inviting him to be a GM.

    It was immature of your FI's friends to be texting you the play by play of the party. It seems that they're just trying to stir up drama with the brother for amusement. I'd be weary of any friends that behave this way. Avoid discussing these issues with them in the future. If they bring it up, say "that's between FI and his brother. How's that dip?" 

    It was extremely childish of your FI to react by demoting his brother to usher. If the brother's actions were truly relationship ending, he should have ended it. If not, he should have addressed the brother's comments then and there, like an adult, instead of trying to get back at him with some silly title demotion. 

    In the end, all you can do is stay out of it, be polite when you're around the brother, and privately encourage your FI to handle his family problems more maturely.  This is not your drama. No need to insert yourself into it. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member


    I don't understand why the other groomsmen were texting you a play by play during the bachelor party. This seems odd, and immature. 

     
    Yeah, WTF to this.  And echoing PPs in that he should have received an invitation. You need to stay out of this.  
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards