Wedding Party

17 mo old flower girl.

So my original plan was to have my cousins who are 3 and 5 be the flower girl and ring bearer (they're brother and sister so it would be super cute!)

However...we're not super close (only see them on major holidays) and their parents might be getting divorced and their mom isn't a blood relative so she might not want to come...etc. Basically my mom and grandma keep telling me to have a back up...

So my best friend/MOH's daughter has been to every wedding planning meeting discussion, etc. Basically her mom has brought her to everything she's been too. In my mind/heart she's my niece especially since I don't have any siblings.

One...should I ask her/her Mom to be my flower girl if my cousins say no.

Two...should her mom/MOH carry her down the aisle. Should her Dad carry her (he's not in the wedding party) or should we make a wagon and have someone pull her down the aisle?

Thanks!! 

 

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Re: 17 mo old flower girl.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    If a child isn't old enough to walk down the aisle without assistance or without the potential to have a meltdown, they are too young to be in the WP. 

    Don't second string ask people to have a "role" in your wedding. That's just hurtful. And the child sounds too young anyways. You don't need to have a ringbearer/flower girl. Just forgo those roles. They won't be missed. Plus you'll save your MOH some stress. 


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    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyCMGragainPrettyGirlLost
  • I'm not going to not have a flower girl or ring bearer. For me and my wedding that is out of the question. I'd rather tie flowers and rings on my dogs collars and have them walk down the aisle than to not have a flower girl and ring bearer. 

     

  • Resume to answer this question: My child is almost 2.

    Even the most well-behaved children this age don't really follow instructions very well, they're prone to tantrums, they get bored/distracted easily, they give non-fucks about your wedding or happiness, and many only want their mommies/daddies - they clam up around lots of people.... Not to mention that some are just learning to walk or have only learned very recently. It's not a good idea. I repeat, not a good idea. 

    Not only all that, but it puts all the pressure on the parents of the child to have their child "perform". They're the ones responsible for ensuring a relatively clean, napped, fed, even-keeled child who will do what they're told...it's stressful and it's not fun for them. They'll try to put on a smile and tell you it'll be great but inside they're saying "fuuuuuck....really? why me?"

    And for the record, your mom and grandma are incorrect - you do not need a FG or RB. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    CMGragainPrettyGirlLost
  • Sorry....maybe I didn't make it clear....I, me, the bride, want a flower girl or ring bearer. Yes my mom and grandma do as well but ME 1/2 the reason for the wedding wants a flower girl and ring bearer for the wedding. Personally 
    I don't give 2 shits if she lays down and screams bloody murder at the back of the church. She's a freaking baby she's not going to do what anyone tells her. I GET THAT. 
    Let me re-ask my question in a way that might get me a helpful answer. 

    1. Should her mom/MOH carry her down the aisle 
    2. Should her dad carry her down the aisle 
    3. should we put her in a wagon and have someone pull her down the aisle. 
    4. should i let her get down the aisle however she damn well pleases


     

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Sorry....maybe I didn't make it clear....I, me, the bride, want a flower girl or ring bearer. Yes my mom and grandma do as well but ME 1/2 the reason for the wedding wants a flower girl and ring bearer for the wedding. Personally 
    I don't give 2 shits if she lays down and screams bloody murder at the back of the church. She's a freaking baby she's not going to do what anyone tells her. I GET THAT. 
    Let me re-ask my question in a way that might get me a helpful answer. 

    1. Should her mom/MOH carry her down the aisle 
    2. Should her dad carry her down the aisle 
    3. should we put her in a wagon and have someone pull her down the aisle. 
    4. should i let her get down the aisle however she damn well pleases


    Mmmkay. 


    I agree with the others, but you obviously don't want to hear that (fyi, you shouldn't tell people how to respond).  I'm really curious why you're so determined to have this kid be a prop come hell or high water.  

    Also,  check with your church.  I know some churches who have a minimum age for a flower girl / ring bearer for this reason. 

    I would wait until the day of the wedding to make a call on option 1, 2, or 4.  The wagon is not a safe idea. 

    I was at a wedding several years ago where the 18 month old ring bearer screamed bloody murder down the aisle.   As a guest,  it was awkward and unpleasant.   




    Anniversary
    ahoyweddingPrettyGirlLost
  • My point is I'm have A flower girl and A ring bearer in my wedding and a lot of people were saying don't have one and screw what other people think...I'm the one who wants A flower girl in the wedding and A ring bearer in the wedding.

    Also yes kids are unpredictable I. get. that. Just because she's an angel every single time her mom has brought her out (yes her mom has willingly brought her out on every wedding shopping/deciding day even though there is a 100% capable father at home) doesn't mean that in a year she will still be good. I. get. that.  

    The point of these message board is really pointless if you're not answering the question asked...

    I also love how you assume this isn't in the best interest of the child or the parents....the child face lights up every time she sees me. But you're right she probably wants nothing to do with my wedding.
    Her mother is half expecting me to ask...she jokingly said "here's your future flower girl" when she was born. But you're right it she doesn't want to deal with her baby on my wedding day.


    oh here's a fun fact for you...the baby in question will be sitting on her father's lap during the ceremony regardless of who the hell my flower girl is. I've already asked if they plan on bringing her...they do. Really the only question here is does she get her name in my wedding program and some sweet sentimental gifts for her to appreciate years later?

    It's not like I "don't like your answers" you're not answering the question being asked.

     

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    My point is I'm have A flower girl and A ring bearer in my wedding and a lot of people were saying don't have one and screw what other people think...I'm the one who wants A flower girl in the wedding and A ring bearer in the wedding.

    Also yes kids are unpredictable I. get. that. Just because she's an angel every single time her mom has brought her out (yes her mom has willingly brought her out on every wedding shopping/deciding day even though there is a 100% capable father at home) doesn't mean that in a year she will still be good. I. get. that.  

    The point of these message board is really pointless if you're not answering the question asked...

    I also love how you assume this isn't in the best interest of the child or the parents....the child face lights up every time she sees me. But you're right she probably wants nothing to do with my wedding.
    Her mother is half expecting me to ask...she jokingly said "here's your future flower girl" when she was born. But you're right it she doesn't want to deal with her baby on my wedding day.


    oh here's a fun fact for you...the baby in question will be sitting on her father's lap during the ceremony regardless of who the hell my flower girl is. I've already asked if they plan on bringing her...they do. Really the only question here is does she get her name in my wedding program and some sweet sentimental gifts for her to appreciate years later?

    It's not like I "don't like your answers" you're not answering the question being asked.




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    MissKittyDangersparklepants41Heffalump
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member

    My point is I'm have A flower girl and A ring bearer in my wedding and a lot of people were saying don't have one and screw what other people think...I'm the one who wants A flower girl in the wedding and A ring bearer in the wedding.

    Also yes kids are unpredictable I. get. that. Just because she's an angel every single time her mom has brought her out (yes her mom has willingly brought her out on every wedding shopping/deciding day even though there is a 100% capable father at home) doesn't mean that in a year she will still be good. I. get. that.  

    The point of these message board is really pointless if you're not answering the question asked...

    I also love how you assume this isn't in the best interest of the child or the parents....the child face lights up every time she sees me. But you're right she probably wants nothing to do with my wedding.
    Her mother is half expecting me to ask...she jokingly said "here's your future flower girl" when she was born. But you're right it she doesn't want to deal with her baby on my wedding day.


    oh here's a fun fact for you...the baby in question will be sitting on her father's lap during the ceremony regardless of who the hell my flower girl is. I've already asked if they plan on bringing her...they do. Really the only question here is does she get her name in my wedding program and some sweet sentimental gifts for her to appreciate years later?

    It's not like I "don't like your answers" you're not answering the question being asked.

    Literally was not the question you asked. This is a new question. Almost every person has answered your original question. 

    Nobody gives a rip how she gets down the aisle as long as it's done safely. If she wants to go down with her mom and then be passed off to dad, to that. If she wants to go down with her dad and then just sit there in dad's lap, do that. If she wants to prance down the aisle and then sit in dad's lap, do that. You're overthinking this.
    holyguacamole79ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    My point is I'm have A flower girl and A ring bearer in my wedding and a lot of people were saying don't have one and screw what other people think...I'm the one who wants A cute prop in the wedding.


    Sitb


    Fixed that for you. 




    Anniversary
  • Well for some reason the question of the FB and RB in the appropriate age range (3 and 5) got thrown out the window...I was asking about them too but because I don't see them weekly like I see my "niece" it would be inconsiderate for me to ask them...


    not that any of you care but I asked another group like this...they were much more helpful since they read the question being asked and answered knowing I wanted one of the 2 kids in my wedding. They also shared how great it was having kids that young in the wedding. Again...kids are unpredictable sometimes they do exactly what you want :-) not all of them turn into the spawn of satan when the walk in a crowed church. Sorry to hear that all the wedding y'all have been too the kids were brats...

    My best friends 9 mo old son was her ring bearer...he didn't wear the outfit they had for him but everything else worked out. but you're right he was WAY too young and he totally hated the experience.... 

     

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    member
     Wait,  I'm confused .... I thought you just wanted the 17 month - old flower girl ... what's this talk about the ring bearer?  Did you already ask the cousins?



    Anniversary
  • I asked "how should the 17 mo get down the aisle" multiple times maybe not in that plainly but that was ALWAYS my original question. NO ONE said "we don't care how she gets down there as long as it's safely" EVERYONE said kick the kids out of the wedding it's a terrible idea to have small children in the wedding.

     

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    member

    Well for some reason the question of the FB and RB in the appropriate age range (3 and 5) got thrown out the window...I was asking about them too but because I don't see them weekly like I see my "niece" it would be inconsiderate for me to ask them...


    not that any of you care but I asked another group like this...they were much more helpful since they read the question being asked and answered knowing I wanted one of the 2 kids in my wedding. They also shared how great it was having kids that young in the wedding. Again...kids are unpredictable sometimes they do exactly what you want :-) not all of them turn into the spawn of satan when the walk in a crowed church. Sorry to hear that all the wedding y'all have been too the kids were brats...

    My best friends 9 mo old son was her ring bearer...he didn't wear the outfit they had for him but everything else worked out. but you're right he was WAY too young and he totally hated the experience.... 

    No one said any of this. We're saying you don't have a good reason to have these roles. They're to honor children you're close to. And by your own original admittance, you're not close to these older kids. I'm sure they'd be totally confused as to why they were asked (unless they're old enough to realize that you just wanted kids of a certain age) and it doesn't sound like the parents would be thrilled to have to get them specific attire, deal with them for pictures, etc.

    As for your "niece," you can try it, but it may not be worth the extra time and stress you're putting on your MOH (who will already be dealing with enough to do with your wedding) and her husband to have a kid who's too young to know she's being honored.

    Anniversary

    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I asked "how should the 17 mo get down the aisle" multiple times maybe not in that plainly but that was ALWAYS my original question. NO ONE said "we don't care how she gets down there as long as it's safely" EVERYONE said kick the kids out of the wedding it's a terrible idea to have small children in the wedding.
    You must've missed my comment ....





    Anniversary
  • Forget the original question...clearly it was WAY to confusing for some of you...

    Hello,

    So I had always dreamed of having a family member as my flower girl and ring bearer. When my cousin had a boy who even at 26 hours old was cute enough to be a baby model I was determined to get engaged by the time he was of age to be a ring bearer. I was the ONLY person at family functions (besides his parents) that could hold him without him crying.

    Then a few years later she had a girl. Who was equally adorable at 23 hours old!! I was so honored to see them both in the hospital I knew that if I got engaged by the time they were old enough they would for sure be my FG and RB.

    Now that I'm engaged and the wedding date is set. They are of perfect age!! He will be 5 and she will be 3. What's even more adorable is everywhere they go they have to hold hands!! So adorable!

    I wish we got to see each other more than 5 times a year but thank goodness for facebook!!

    Unfortunately their parents MIGHT be getting divorced...should I still ask these kids who I had always and the entire family had always dreamed of to be in my wedding?

    Or should I ask my MOH's daughter who would only be 17 months old...but so far she's been at every wedding event/planning/shopping meeting and has been an angel every time and always lights up when she see's my face.

    I really don't know which of these to have? What do you think?

    or should I have both since I love both of them dearly.


     

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Knottiedb01ad207c236d23 said:
    Sorry....maybe I didn't make it clear....I, me, the bride, want a flower girl or ring bearer. Yes my mom and grandma do as well but ME 1/2 the reason for the wedding wants a flower girl and ring bearer for the wedding. Personally 
    I don't give 2 shits if she lays down and screams bloody murder at the back of the church. She's a freaking baby she's not going to do what anyone tells her. I GET THAT. 
    Let me re-ask my question in a way that might get me a helpful answer. 

    1. Should her mom/MOH carry her down the aisle 
    2. Should her dad carry her down the aisle 
    3. should we put her in a wagon and have someone pull her down the aisle. 
    4. should i let her get down the aisle however she damn well pleases


    This is so gross. Children are not props.

    You don't dream up a FG and RB to fill the roles. You honor special people in your life. If there is no one who you couldn't imagine getting married without in that role, you don't ask them. Considering your first choice were a couple of cousins you only see on major holidays were your first choice, you clearly have no one who belongs in that role.

    It would be more humane to just hire a couple of child actors. At least then everyone would be clear that these kids are just props and that you don't actually care about them. 
    holyguacamole79CMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • Forget the original question...clearly it was WAY to confusing for some of you...

    Hello,

    So I had always dreamed of having a family member as my flower girl and ring bearer. When my cousin had a boy who even at 26 hours old was cute enough to be a baby model I was determined to get engaged by the time he was of age to be a ring bearer. I was the ONLY person at family functions (besides his parents) that could hold him without him crying.

    Then a few years later she had a girl. Who was equally adorable at 23 hours old!! I was so honored to see them both in the hospital I knew that if I got engaged by the time they were old enough they would for sure be my FG and RB.

    Now that I'm engaged and the wedding date is set. They are of perfect age!! He will be 5 and she will be 3. What's even more adorable is everywhere they go they have to hold hands!! So adorable!

    I wish we got to see each other more than 5 times a year but thank goodness for facebook!!

    Unfortunately their parents MIGHT be getting divorced...should I still ask these kids who I had always and the entire family had always dreamed of to be in my wedding?

    Or should I ask my MOH's daughter who would only be 17 months old...but so far she's been at every wedding event/planning/shopping meeting and has been an angel every time and always lights up when she see's my face.

    I really don't know which of these to have? What do you think?

    or should I have both since I love both of them dearly.



    From your first post, you said you "weren't close" to these cousins and their children.  I think that's why people were immediately assuming they shouldn't be asked.

    However, from the above post, it sounds like these are special children in your life.  Great!  Then definitely ask their parents if they can be the FG and RB.  Maybe with a divorce possibly pending, they will decline.  Or say yes and then, things come up, and they can't come.  Either of those would be disappointing, sure, but your wedding will still be fantastic even with no FG or RB.  Bottom line, since these are the two children you would really like in your WP, it doesn't hurt to ask.

    With that said, if you'd also like your MOH's daughter to be a FG, than just ask her also.  But don't make her a "contingency plan", if the toddler cousins don't work out.  That's hurtful.  Either she's...and by "she", I mean her parents, lol...asked from the get-go or she isn't.

    While to a large extent, I agree with the other PPs that 17-months is too young for a WP member.  At the same time, I also don't see any harm in naming her a FG in the program and having her father carry her down the aisle and then sit on his lap.  Don't have your MOH worry about.  Definitely don't let the LO try and walk on her own, she's way too young for that.  And 10x definitely don't have someone pull her in a wagon.  Too dangerous.

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    InLoveInQueens
  • you're so right...a wagon is so dangerous...why would people even consider that....

     

  • I answered on your other thread. Any child too young to both get down the aisle under their own power AND comprehend that they are to walk down said aisle and then either stand in place or go sit with their parent is TOO YOUNG to be in a wedding. No wagons. No carrying. Handholding with an older child is acceptable if all parties are cooperative. But in general I think it is in the best interests of all children if you do not have a ringbearer or flowergirl in your case as you see them purely as photo props.
    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • For the record I NEVER SAID I SAW THE CHILDREN AS PHOTO PROPS!!!!

    EVER!!!! Y'all decided I saw them that way. I said I wanted a flower girl and a ring bearer in my wedding. not a fucking prop. I'd hire actors if I was that big of a bitch!

     

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    you're so right...a wagon is so dangerous...why would people even consider that....


    d23 said:

    you're so right...a wagon is so dangerous...why would people even consider that....

    Is she sedated somehow?  Is there any chance of moving?



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    InLoveInQueens
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    you're so right...a wagon is so dangerous...why would people even consider that....


    d23 said:

    you're so right...a wagon is so dangerous...why would people even consider that....

    Is she sedated somehow?  Is there any chance of moving?
    Yup. Clearly you've never seen a baby as young as 7 months flip their way out of something.

    Anniversary

    DrillSergeantCatPrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    Your original question #1 was should you make this girl a backup flowergirl. My answer to that was no. I then rolled off of that to say that a) wagons are not safe, because they're not, and for all I know you'll still try to make a second string WP, and to reiterate that in light of my answer to original question #1, there's no need to go into detail answering original question #2 because it's moot. 

    If you are truly close to these older children, go ahead and ask them. But if they bail, you don't get to have a backup option. That's hurtful. "You can have your daughter do this for me if these other parents decide they don't feel like it." It's like if you were asked to "fill in" as a bridesmaid because the bride's original more important friend dropped out. You can ask one or the other, but not both. Make your choice, and then don't use a wagon. If you choose her, hopefully the toddler realizes the honor later when she sees pictures of the wedding.

    Anniversary

    short+sassy
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