Etiquette

Honoring past love ones

I was really close with my grandparents on my dad's side before they passed away and I want to honor them at my wedding (along with my fiancé's grandfather and possibly grandmother...she's in bad health and sadly might not make the wedding :'( )
Traditionally I've seen mentioning in the back of the program of their names which I would want but I want to do more without overdoing it. After all it's a happy day not a sad one so I don't want overkill.  

I'm wearing my grandma's earrings that she left me and one of my grandpa's hankies that he literally always had on him will be tucked inside my dress.

What other suggestions do you have?    

 

Re: Honoring past love ones

  • Those are great options for your grandparents! I would let your FI choose what he'd like to do for his grandparents, but playing a favorite song of theirs, offering one of their favorite drinks, etc are subtle ways to include their memory. 
    short+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I carried a locket on my bouquet with a picture of my grandfather inside. My photographer got a really great picture of it. I also had his handkerchief pinned inside my dress. 

  • All lovely suggestions, @MobKaz

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    The above suggestions are good ways to subtly remember deceased loved ones.

    I would avoid anything like photo displays of deceased members or "reserved" empty seats or place settings. They call too much attention to the reason why loved ones are absent, and they tend to evoke grief at what should be a happy occasion.
    mollybarker11ahoywedding
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Ditto PPs. I think the earrings and handkerchief sound lovely.


    image
  • We had a small line in our ceremony that said something about thinking of those that could not be with us today and how we knew they were there in spirit. I wore a pair of Hs late grandmothers earrings. I think anything much above this is too much. A favorite song, food, or drink is also a good idea, but none of these things should take the focus away from your wedding, and should be just more subtle things for you and your family. 
    short+sassy
  • The other thing I could add is that *you* don't necessarily have to wear or carry the items. My grandmother had one necklace she wore all the time when we were kids, and my mom got it after she passed. My sisters and I have been rotating it between us. It's not dressy by any means and definitely doesn't match any kind of wedding dress, but everyone in the family knows it's grandma. My sister wore it in my wedding and I wore it in hers, and it looked just fine with both of our BM dresses.
  • CraftyGCraftyG
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    At my cousins wedding they had on our tables those little charity pins, one for heart disease, dementia, a specific type of cancer etc. Everyone thought it was lovely touch and wore them throughout the night happily.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    CraftyG said:
    At my cousins wedding they had on our tables those little charity pins, one for heart disease, dementia, a specific type of cancer etc. Everyone thought it was lovely touch and wore them throughout the night happily.
    I'm sure not everyone "thought it was a lovely touch" or "wore them throughout the night happily."

    The couple confused the purpose of the event by using their wedding as an awareness raisers. I don't accept wedding invitations to be reminded of disasters, deaths, diseases or poverty. In fact, when I attend weddings, I am hoping for a break from those things, which I deal with in some manner on a regular basis.
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensmollybarker11
  • zyanya67zyanya67
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
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    edited October 3
    My husband and I wanted to honor those that passed without being too morbid. I couldn't find anything online so I wrote the following poem (had it copyrighted). Our string quartet played while his sister and niece read it.

    Ancestral Song

     When we started on our paths

    So many rains ago

    A need was there for helping hands

    To set us on our road

     

    Lessons learned from those we love

    The village did their part

    Composing all their strength and light

    Into many grateful hearts

     

    The tune of love and knowledge shared

    To teach us right from wrong

    Each note would flow in harmony

    Their own melody in song

     

    Time has passed and we have lost

    Great loves along the way

    Family who raised us up from kids

    Friends we played with every day

     

    Though they no longer walk in step

    We can’t see them by our side

    The love that they instilled in us

    Will forever be our guide

     

    So on this day of happiness

    When two become as one

    Let’s pause to honor those we loved

    Their song will still be sung





    short+sassy
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