Wedding Party

Bridezilla wants to be my MOH

Hey Everyone! A few years ago I was MOH for my college roommate and it was not the best of times. I had raised some concerns about her future husband when they were still dating, so no surprise, he did not care for me too much which made things awkward. Nevertheless, once they were engaged I vowed to be the best friend I could be and put my feelings of him aside. I was excited to be her MOH and wanted to make this the best day possible for her. If I could only go back and say no...

She had very high expectations for me and her bridesmaids and everything we were supposed to do for her. I fully expected to help her with anything she needed, but I was never asked to do things for her, I was commanded to do things for her. I think my favorite demand she made was to buy her more lingerie.

I was told I was in charge of the Bachelorette party and then half way through planning it, she told me she would be putting someone else in charge not me. My feelings were a little bruised, but I brushed it aside. I had planned to throw it at a location central to the majority of the bridesmaids, but she then moved it to a cabin with no cell reception 7 hours away. Needless to say, a lot of people dropped out and she was furious. She was also furious at me when I too had to drop out at the last minute because my Dad was admitted to the hospital with a heart condition. 

On top of everything she found joy in making fun of me. Jokes about how I was still single and alone and how I hadn't been able to pass my PT boards the first two times. There were comments about my weight and how I should call up my ex boyfriend (Who cheated on me) to see if he was single because he was successful and I'm alone. And the comments weren't made just to me. She announced to everyone at the wedding that one of the bridesmaids (a mutual friend of ours) was pregnant. This friend had already suffered a miscarriage in the past and was not even through her first trimester yet for this pregnancy. She specifically asked the bride not to tell anyone, but she announced it anyway. The poor girl spent the weekend in tears as people kept bringing it up to her all weekend, all the while fearful she would miscarry again. 

Anyway, I could go on, but the point is that after the wedding we lost touch. Sometimes we would exchange "Happy Birthday" texts but that's it. Now, it's 4 years later and I am getting married. I hadn't even thought of inviting her, let alone putting her in my bridal party. But then last week I get a text from her wondering why I hadn't contacted her yet. She asked if I had set a date, picked bridesmaid dresses, etc. and she wanted to know all the details. And then she ended the text by saying: "You were such a great maid of honor, and i'm so excited it's my turn to get to return the favor for you. Let me know the plan!"

She had a routine in college of inviting herself to weddings of people we went to school with even if she wasn't invited, but as far as I know this is the first time she's invited herself to be in the wedding. 

I truly do not even begin to know how to broach the subject with her. I don't mind inviting her if that will soften the blow, but I really don't want her in my wedding. Help! 

Re: Bridezilla wants to be my MOH

  • She sounds obnoxious.  I had a friend (not obnoxious) that asked me if I was one of her BMs (I'd been one of hers); I vaguely told her I was Keeping things small.  She got the hint.
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensernursej
  • I would either just not respond to her text or be somewhat honest and say something about how the people in your wedding party already know the details and (if you want to invite her) you'll let her know of the date once invitations are ready. 
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    InLoveInQueens
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    eileenrob said:
    She sounds obnoxious.  I had a friend (not obnoxious) that asked me if I was one of her BMs (I'd been one of hers); I vaguely told her I was Keeping things small.  She got the hint.
     Based on what OP has told us, I have a feeling this woman won't get hints. 

    I would just say that you feel uncomfortable talking so much about your wedding.  If you decide not to invite her, say you couldn't accommodate everyone you had hoped to. 



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    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    knottie67d5e7df78719cd2 said, "Anyway, I could go on, but the point is that after the wedding we lost touch. Sometimes we would exchange "Happy Birthday" texts but that's it. Now, it's 4 years later and I am getting married. I hadn't even thought of inviting her, let alone putting her in my bridal party. But then last week I get a text from her wondering why I hadn't contacted her yet. She asked if I had set a date, picked bridesmaid dresses, etc. and she wanted to know all the details. And then she ended the text by saying: "You were such a great maid of honor, and i'm so excited it's my turn to get to return the favor for you. Let me know the plan!"


    If you have not been in touch in 4 years, how did she even become aware of your wedding?

    Based on her prior behavior, and your lack of friendship since her wedding, this should not cause you any distress whatsoever.  @banana468's suggested script sounds perfect.

    InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
  • Yeah I change my answer- go with bananas' response. It gets the point across very well and it doesn't end with you inviting her to the wedding. And she'll probably get mad and never talk to you again, so win win. 
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  • banana468 said:
    Do you want to stay friends?   Do you have mutual friends?

    Based on what you said about her she wouldn't be on my guest list and I would be in the mood to phase her out. 


    If you don't anticipate social fall out and want to write her off then say, "Thank you for the message!  I'm glad to hear you're doing well and I'm happy to be getting married.    I appreciate your excitement but the wedding party is all set.   Let's plan to get together after my honeymoon."
    This is an excellent way to handle it. And I really don't think you need to "soften the blow" by inviting her to your wedding after she treated you so poorly when you were her MOH. You're not close now, and it doesn't sound like you have the least bit of interest in being close again (and I don't blame you for that!). Don't invite her and let her feel whatever she feels about it. She's not your problem anymore.
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    short+sassyDrillSergeantCatSP29
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    You were right to distance yourself from her.  She sounds like a terrible person just based on what you wrote.  I would not invite her to your wedding at all, let alone have her in the WP.

    Banana used good wording!

    SP29
  • Yikes she sounds awful! Do you even want to be friends with someone like that? It's unfortunate your friendship ended, but it seems like she wasn't a great friend in the first place.

    Thirding the use of Banana's wording; that's a good way to change the subject and not include her in the wedding at the same time.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I agree she sounds like a terrible person, and I think being honest with her is the right decision. I'd tell her thank you for the well wishes, but seeing as we're no longer close anymore, I've already made final decisions on my wedding party. 
    And I would not invite her. 

    short+sassyInLoveInQueensSP29PrettyGirlLost
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