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4 men in the world

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend just had a stroke. We have been dating for a while, but he is still married. He kept telling me he was going to get a divorce and that we would marry, but he never got divorced. Now he is in the ICU, and his wife will not let me near him. I feel like it is time for me to leave his family in peace. What do you suggest?

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Re: 4 men in the world

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You want to leave them alone. So do it. 
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  • apollymiapollymi member
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    I think more info is needed. How long is a while? If they've been dating for like 1+ years, and this guy recovers from a stroke and she just peaced out on him, that's pretty shitty.

    However, it sounds like she was in the middle of a messy situation where the husband/wife weren't completed through and she stepped in. If that's the case, leave the family alone.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    I'm sorry, but what a stupid question. "I am a naive side chick and now the man is incapacitated and his wife wants me to leave. Should I?" 

    Yes. Yes, you should.
    Exactly.  I mean, in what world does she think she has some sort of claim to this man in his present condition?  If I were the wife, I'd be considering a restraining order if this person didn't bug off.  

    This LW took very few sentences to show that she's a giant asshole.  I cannot imagine showing up to the hospital, even as a 'friend', to try and see him.  Talk about adding another level of pain to the situation.  Yes, he was fucking around on his wife and that's for him to own, but the LW has no right to him or place in the current situation and she's making a horrific event worse by being there and trying to worm her way in.  
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    edited July 2017

    I TOTALLY misread the situation, so I'm glad you all set me straight.  I was initially thinking that this was one of those things where the guy had been separated from his wife for a long time, but they had just never gotten a divorced.  In that situation, I wouldn't bail out.  But also wouldn't try to see him in the hospital, since that is apparently a no-go.  I'd wait until he was out of the hospital and then resume our relationship.  And also point out the difficulties I had and why that "pesky piece of paper" matters.

    But if this man is not separated from his wife and she is totally this guy's mistress, what in the ever-loving-world was she THINKING!?!  Umm...yeah.  Time to find your own man.  Leave his poor wife alone.

    Edited to rant more.  What exactly was she picturing?  Her holding his hand on one side of the bed while his wife held his other hand?  They bond while they cry together over the man they both love?

     I wish I was a fly on the wall for the first conversation.  "Hi, I'm Jane Doe.  I know you're his wife, but I'm his g/f.  We love each other very much and I'd really like to see him.  Please let me!"

    Wife: "I'm sorry, whaaattt?!?  GTFO."

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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    This happened to me the other day. GF came in to see her bf....while the wife was at bedside. We were like 'yeah.....you can't be in here......"  GF also tried to make medical decisions for the guy. Nope. You have zero legal say. 


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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    short+sassy said:

    I TOTALLY misread the situation, so I'm glad you all set me straight.  I was initially thinking that this was one of those things where the guy had been separated from his wife for a long time, but they had just never gotten a divorced.  In that situation, I wouldn't bail out.  But also wouldn't try to see him in the hospital, since that is apparently a no-go.  I'd wait until he was out of the hospital and then resume our relationship.  And also point out the difficulties I had and why that "pesky piece of paper" matters.

    But if this man is not separated from his wife and she is totally this guy's mistress, what in the ever-loving-world was she THINKING!?!  Umm...yeah.  Time to find your own man.  Leave his poor wife alone.

    Edited to rant more.  What exactly was she picturing?  Her holding his hand on one side of the bed while his wife held his other hand?  They bond while they cry together over the man they both love?

     I wish I was a fly on the wall for the first conversation.  "Hi, I'm Jane Doe.  I know you're his wife, but I'm his g/f.  We love each other very much and I'd really like to see him.  Please let me!"

    Wife: "I'm sorry, whaaattt?!?  GTFO."

    That was what I was thinking too!
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    justsie said:
    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    short+sassy said:

    I TOTALLY misread the situation, so I'm glad you all set me straight.  I was initially thinking that this was one of those things where the guy had been separated from his wife for a long time, but they had just never gotten a divorced.  In that situation, I wouldn't bail out.  But also wouldn't try to see him in the hospital, since that is apparently a no-go.  I'd wait until he was out of the hospital and then resume our relationship.  And also point out the difficulties I had and why that "pesky piece of paper" matters.

    But if this man is not separated from his wife and she is totally this guy's mistress, what in the ever-loving-world was she THINKING!?!  Umm...yeah.  Time to find your own man.  Leave his poor wife alone.

    Edited to rant more.  What exactly was she picturing?  Her holding his hand on one side of the bed while his wife held his other hand?  They bond while they cry together over the man they both love?

     I wish I was a fly on the wall for the first conversation.  "Hi, I'm Jane Doe.  I know you're his wife, but I'm his g/f.  We love each other very much and I'd really like to see him.  Please let me!"

    Wife: "I'm sorry, whaaattt?!?  GTFO."

    That was what I was thinking too!
    To be fair, it could be. LW isn't detailed enough to tell either way, but regardless she has no legal reason or right to be there she is a girlfriend. If homeboy didn't want his wife there he should divorce her....
    Exactly. Nothing in her letter stated conclusively one way or another. I dated a married man for 6 months. They lived in separate homes and had been for 4 years, she even lived with her boyfriend. They remained married for health insurance. Had either of them had a medical emergency it'd be very easy to be spiteful and deny visitation to the others partner. For me, it was ultimately the legally married straw that broke the camels back but I wouldn't be so quick to assume LW is a mistress in the storybook sense. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    justsie said:
    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    short+sassy said:

    I TOTALLY misread the situation, so I'm glad you all set me straight.  I was initially thinking that this was one of those things where the guy had been separated from his wife for a long time, but they had just never gotten a divorced.  In that situation, I wouldn't bail out.  But also wouldn't try to see him in the hospital, since that is apparently a no-go.  I'd wait until he was out of the hospital and then resume our relationship.  And also point out the difficulties I had and why that "pesky piece of paper" matters.

    But if this man is not separated from his wife and she is totally this guy's mistress, what in the ever-loving-world was she THINKING!?!  Umm...yeah.  Time to find your own man.  Leave his poor wife alone.

    Edited to rant more.  What exactly was she picturing?  Her holding his hand on one side of the bed while his wife held his other hand?  They bond while they cry together over the man they both love?

     I wish I was a fly on the wall for the first conversation.  "Hi, I'm Jane Doe.  I know you're his wife, but I'm his g/f.  We love each other very much and I'd really like to see him.  Please let me!"

    Wife: "I'm sorry, whaaattt?!?  GTFO."

    That was what I was thinking too!
    To be fair, it could be. LW isn't detailed enough to tell either way, but regardless she has no legal reason or right to be there she is a girlfriend. If homeboy didn't want his wife there he should divorce her....

    It would make more sense that way.  Otherwise she's a real crazy pants.  But she could be a real crazy pants.  It just hadn't even occurred to me, until I read the other posts, that he might have been "happily married" and she was the side piece.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    "He kept telling me he was going to get a divorce" almost always equals "man actually cheating on wife, they are not separated". I know, I lived it! 
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