Moms and Maids

Intro and MOH problem. ( might be longer than i expected...)

Hi Everyone.

So i'm not engaged or even planning to get married but i'm an aspiring wedding planner in the UK and found the knot when looking up somethings that can go wrong in a wedding as part of my preliminary studies for a course i'm hoping to go on next year.

My problem is that my friend is (hopefully) getting married next year and because we've been friends for a decade she's asked me to advise and help but promised that she wont make me be a MOH as she knows I can't stand the idea of being in a bridal party again ( different story for a different day). So I agreed to be her unofficial wedding planner/personal assistant because she wont be able to afford a one at all so my planning help will be in lieu of a gift which she and her other half are grateful for as he has multiple medical issues that means he's not able to help as much as he'd like.

The issue is that when we went dress shopping I had bought my friend a tiara as a present as she'd never owned one but in my family its a thing. Well the maid of honour was late to the girls night my friend planned and then when in the shop she huffed a puffed about not being allowed to try any of the dresses on even though she's not engaged, not got a bf and has expressed she doesn't want to settle down. She didn't even stop when the sales lady informed her that it's actually seen as bad luck in our area to try on wedding dresses before being engaged.

To top it off while the bride was trying on a dress the MOH pinched the tiara out of its box and put it on with a veil. I was too distracted taking notes on the dresses and changing the batteries in my camera to notice until the bride came out and her face dropped for a second before she plasters the fake smile on her face so the MOH doesn't notice.

The MOH also go ratty when the Bride said that even though I wasn't a BM she wanted to honour me in some way and have me in a really pretty dress...

Am I out of line for feeling that the MOH is ruining my friends experience?

I know from lurking that all shes meant to do is get the appropriate dress and show up sober ( although i think for her that's going to be an issue) but surely if your agreeing to come to these shopping trips you should know they're not about you...I'm not expecting her to be as excited as my friend or even as i am because i'm a wedding person but id have though she would have at least not actively tried to take away the attention...

Also before it gets mentioned there was never any question about the MOH being the brides MOH it's not that I turned it down so the bride asked her it was always going to be her or me and her.

Re: Intro and MOH problem. ( might be longer than i expected...)

  • ^this

    be professional and stay out of it. This is between them, has nothing to do with you.
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
  • nassyv12nassyv12
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    No but surely being her best friend of ten years does. I'm posting this as her friend not her WP and it hurt her i just wasn't sure if there was a way i could make her feel better after her MOH completely disregarded her feelings.
  • justsiejustsie
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    nassyv12 said:
    No but surely being her best friend of ten years does. I'm posting this as her friend not her WP and it hurt her i just wasn't sure if there was a way i could make her feel better after her MOH completely disregarded her feelings.
    You can't change how MOH is acting, and that is what is hurting your friends feelings, so other than just being there there isn't anything you can do. Your friend hopefully knew who her MOH was before asking her to be in the WP- so unless this is a complete 180 from prior behavior I don't see why its so surprising. A wedding won't change how people behave.
    image
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassymollybarker11
  • ernursejernursej
    Tenth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Agree with all the advice above. Be the best friend you can be and support the bride. Try not to get involved in any drama as that will likely just make things worse.
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • I must agree with the salesperson.  To go to a shop and try on wedding dresses when you are not even engaged is not acceptable.  It is hard on the shop merchandise, and it wastes the salesperson's time.   Just because the bride is trying on dresses does not entitle others in the group to do this.

    The issue is between the bride and her MOH.  Stay out of it and keep your mouth shut.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44short+sassyPrettyGirlLost
  • nassyv12nassyv12
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    Thanks guys i'll make sure to keep that in mind next time we go shopping.

    Oh and just for reference to the dress thing she want to buy me a dress of my choosing but of suitable formality as a thank you/ honouring thing as readings aren't really a thing in our weddings and I've got a terrible allergy to the perfume that our local florists use on their corsages ( bad prom experience and I wasn't even the one wearing the thing).  
  • nassyv12 said:
    No but surely being her best friend of ten years does. I'm posting this as her friend not her WP and it hurt her i just wasn't sure if there was a way i could make her feel better after her MOH completely disregarded her feelings.
    Not really. She's an adult. She can manage her own friendships. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    This is between the bride and her MOH. Stay out of it. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • I agree with everyone on staying out of it; not because you're not in the WP or it's not a planners job, but simply because it's their friendship, and while the MOHs behavior seems ridiculous, you don't want to get involved in their drama. Be there for your friend, listen if she wants to vent, but I'd refrain from saying anything negative about, or to, the MOH. 
    short+sassy
  • She probably is ruining your friend's experience. She sounds like a self-centered biatch. 

    However, I doubt this behavior is all that new. And even if it is Mr. Hyde peeking out, as an adult, your friend can handle her own affairs. If MOH was as awful as you say, I'm SURE your friend took note and will adjust her planning and inclusion accordingly. You don't need to be her personal bouncer too.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited July 31
    This MOH sounds just like my SIL. SIL went dress shopping with me once and tried on a bunch of wedding dresses for fun. It was obnoxious, and my eyes nearly rolled out of the back of my head. But I know she's obnoxious and self-centered, and I invited her to be in my WP anyway. I didn't need my planner or friend or anyone to interfere and tell SIL how to act. If someone had, I would have been just as angry at them for treating me like a helpless child as I was at SIL for being her obnoxious self. She's my obnoxious SIL, and I handled it my way, appropriate to my relationship. 

    This is her MOH, and her closest friend. The fact that your friend is getting married doesn't mean she's suddenly lost the ability to manage her own friendships. Stay out of it. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875
  • Has your friend said anything to you about the behavior of her MOH? If she wants to discuss it, you can certainly listen as a friend. You could suggest the MOH not attend all of the wedding planning events, if your friend seems overwhelmed having her around. But I wouldn't insert myself into their relationship unsolicited. 
    short+sassy
  • Okay guy's i'm not sure how to close a discussion but I have taken every comment on board and am not planning on interfering ( wasn't going to in the first place tbh). I appreciate the reality check. 

    Due to other circumstances I have recently distanced myself from the bride it's nothing to do with this scenario and isn't because of bad blood. I'm going through some medical issues atm and we both agree that we should both take some time to look after ourselves as she also has her partner to look after and I didn't want to burden her by adding my medical issues on top. 

    Can someone help me close this discussion? I don't want to DD because you never know if theirs another friend out there to another bride who needs a reality check. 
    flantasticInLoveInQueens
  • Hope you feel better quickly @nassyv12
  • Sounds like a bridesmaidzilla...worse than bridezillas...oy.
    MesmrEwe
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