Wedding Woes

Talk to a counselor? A gay friend?

Dear Prudence,

I am a woman who has known for a while now that I am attracted to women. Historically, I have only dated men and just got out of a five-year relationship with one. I want to explore my attraction to women further. My fear is that I may be attracted to women for the reasons a patriarchal society tells me to be. How do I know if I am truly attracted to women when I have only coveted their bodies? It seems reckless to “try it out” for a time by dating if I am not serious about my wants. Will my feelings become more clear to me over time? I would hate to enter into another relationship with a man because it is easier than dealing with or never exploring these feelings. However, I do not want to trivialize a person’s life because of my confusion. Is this a fetish?

—Could I Fall In Love With A Woman?

Re: Talk to a counselor? A gay friend?

  • Girl, you NEED to go out and explore!  Keep it casual for awhile.  If things naturally start to progress to more serious with someone, than just like with any relationship, be honest about your feelings and intentions.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mrsconn23OurWildKingdom
  • This was me when I was like 14, btw. Some people are more sexually into one sex, and more romantically into the other. Some people just don't really know what a romance would look like with someone of the same sex because they've been raised in such a heterocentric and (maybe) homophobic world. She should meet some same sex couples or read about same sex relationships (not sex) to get a view of how similar/dissimilar they are from heterosexual ones. 

    Also, the LW seems to be dealing with some homophobia issues. It is reckless to try something out if you don't know if it's right for you, and if you're also risking alienation from your family (or worse) if you come out.

    Coming out is hard, and I really feel for her. :(
    charlotte989875
  • Being bi/pan doesn't mean equal percentages of attraction to all genders.  

    Go out on a date and then worry about the other stuff if you find you actually want to continue dating and move into serious territory.  I get the worrying about a fetish, but this seems unnecessarily complicated for her right now. 
    JediElizabethmrsconn23charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
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