Wedding Woes

Bonus letter: IMO, your presence really is the gift.

Dear Jane,

I have a very good friend getting married in a few weeks and haven’t landed on what the proper etiquette is for this situation. My boyfriend and I are spending thousands to fly to Europe for her wedding. I participated in the bachelorette (across the country), and though I am looking forward to this destination wedding, I’m not sure what gift to give. I typically give cold hard cash, but it feels gauche to be giving my friend — who I am spending so much on — well, money.

She has said she doesn’t expect a gift, but that doesn’t feel right either. Compared to some of her other bridesmaids, I’d say I’m the most budget-conscious. I’ve been saving for this wedding for a year and just can’t figure out what is appropriate for a wedding I’ve already invested a lot in. What thoughtful but under $100 thing can I do? Should I just write this off as the cost of a wedding and give money? Am I being cheap?


Bridesmaid on a Budget

Re: Bonus letter: IMO, your presence really is the gift.

  • When people asked what we wanted, we let them know that we didn't want anything. Several people took that to heart and it made us happy! I wouldn't feel bad not bringing a gift when the couple has said not to worry. LW has spent a fortune to join them and that is a wonderful present.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    I was in a wedding a few years back.  It was OOT for me.  During a time when my resort was under a renovation and the resort was closed for 4 months as a result.  Meaning, I was out of work.

    I just couldn't afford a gift at the time.   10 months  later I flew back to her area.  She had just bought a new house.  I gave her a very generous gift card to use towards her own renovations.   I was back at work and in the position to give a nice gift. 

    Sometimes you can't afford something at the time.   You shouldn't feel ashamed about that.  Stuff happens.  Make up for it in other ways.  

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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