Racist BIL

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I just found out my brother-in-law is a racial separatist. I knew he was a big Trump supporter but didn’t know why. As it turns out, he sees supporting Trump as the best way to avoid the “inevitable race war” that will occur when whites are no longer a numerical majority. He argues that history proves the races cannot peacefully coexist and is “interested” in whether all races have the same IQ. I love my wife’s family and spend a lot of time with them. How do I move forward?

—Racist In-Law

MissKittyDanger

One of my coworkers is a Trump supporter {but not racist - yes I know this for a fact} and essentially we don't talk politics.
If you know this is an issue and still wanna hang out, bean dip that convo!

charlotte989875

I would honestly have a hard time spending time with someone who held those views. I don't think I could just "not talk politics", if LE can then that's a strategy but I'd be limiting my time with people like that. 

climbingsingle

Honestly, I'd never want to see that person ever again. 

mrsconn23

climbingwife said:

Honestly, I'd never want to see that person ever again. 

Agreed.  This goes beyond who you voted for or using Fox News as the be all, end all bible of news and everything else is 'fake'.  

These are dangerous ideals and shunning is the only way to show that you will not tolerate anyone who believes in this terrible doctrine. 

southernbelle0915

I'm really torn on this. These ideas should 100% not be tolerated or entertained in any way. But shunning these people only pushes them further into their holes and justifies their white male victim complex - which they use to recruit. It is possible for people like this to "snap out of it" but they won't if they don't think they'll have people there for them when they do.

I would ask this person not to talk to me or my family about their racist ideologies (or politics at all, frankly). If they decide they cannot respect that, even with the billions of other topics of conversation out there, then of course I would cut them off. It's not like LW is hanging out with this dude on the weekends, they're probably just seeing him at holidays and big family events.

banana468

southernbelle0915 said:

I'm really torn on this. These ideas should 100% not be tolerated or entertained in any way. But shunning these people only pushes them further into their holes and justifies their white male victim complex - which they use to recruit. It is possible for people like this to "snap out of it" but they won't if they don't think they'll have people there for them when they do.

I would ask this person not to talk to me or my family about their racist ideologies (or politics at all, frankly). If they decide they cannot respect that, even with the billions of other topics of conversation out there, then of course I would cut them off. It's not like LW is hanging out with this dude on the weekends, they're probably just seeing him at holidays and big family events.

This is what I would do.   

kimmiinthemitten

southernbelle0915 said:

I'm really torn on this. These ideas should 100% not be tolerated or entertained in any way. But shunning these people only pushes them further into their holes and justifies their white male victim complex - which they use to recruit. It is possible for people like this to "snap out of it" but they won't if they don't think they'll have people there for them when they do.

I would ask this person not to talk to me or my family about their racist ideologies (or politics at all, frankly). If they decide they cannot respect that, even with the billions of other topics of conversation out there, then of course I would cut them off. It's not like LW is hanging out with this dude on the weekends, they're probably just seeing him at holidays and big family events.

I disagree.  We are not talking about a diet racist whose privilege prevents them understanding privilege. We are talking about someone who clearly believes in a violent, white state. 

It's not mine, or the LW's job to help reform racists who have no desire to change. And by saying, we can see each other and socialize, even if only at family gatherings as long as you don't tout Mein Kampf, you're telling them it's okay to believe what you do, I just don't want to hear it. 

It is not okay, it's downright dangerous and poisonous and people like that don't have to be a part of your social and familial circle; close or extended. 

southernbelle0915

kimmiinthemitten said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I'm really torn on this. These ideas should 100% not be tolerated or entertained in any way. But shunning these people only pushes them further into their holes and justifies their white male victim complex - which they use to recruit. It is possible for people like this to "snap out of it" but they won't if they don't think they'll have people there for them when they do.

I would ask this person not to talk to me or my family about their racist ideologies (or politics at all, frankly). If they decide they cannot respect that, even with the billions of other topics of conversation out there, then of course I would cut them off. It's not like LW is hanging out with this dude on the weekends, they're probably just seeing him at holidays and big family events.

I disagree.  We are not talking about a diet racist whose privilege prevents them understanding privilege. We are talking about someone who clearly believes in a violent, white state. 

It's not mine, or the LW's job to help reform racists who have no desire to change. And by saying, we can see each other and socialize, even if only at family gatherings as long as you don't tout Mein Kampf, you're telling them it's okay to believe what you do, I just don't want to hear it. 

It is not okay, it's downright dangerous and poisonous and people like that don't have to be a part of your social and familial circle; close or extended. 

Totally disagree with the bolded.

Do you ever associate, whether at work or at family gatherings with people you don't 100% agree with - on everything? If you find out someone doesn't totally agree with you on everything, do you leave the room/gathering/party because seeing them tells them it's ok to believe what they believe?  Do you leave all family/friend gatherings if there's someone who is anti-gay? Pro-birth? "Diet racist"? Or are those things in the circle of ok?

IMO, being in the same physical space as someone does not = validate their convictions or mean you tolerate their ideas. I may totally disdain someone or their ideas (or both) but it doesn't mean I can't handle a family gathering without storming out the door. 

STARMOON44

southernbelle0915 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I'm really torn on this. These ideas should 100% not be tolerated or entertained in any way. But shunning these people only pushes them further into their holes and justifies their white male victim complex - which they use to recruit. It is possible for people like this to "snap out of it" but they won't if they don't think they'll have people there for them when they do.

I would ask this person not to talk to me or my family about their racist ideologies (or politics at all, frankly). If they decide they cannot respect that, even with the billions of other topics of conversation out there, then of course I would cut them off. It's not like LW is hanging out with this dude on the weekends, they're probably just seeing him at holidays and big family events.

I disagree.  We are not talking about a diet racist whose privilege prevents them understanding privilege. We are talking about someone who clearly believes in a violent, white state. 

It's not mine, or the LW's job to help reform racists who have no desire to change. And by saying, we can see each other and socialize, even if only at family gatherings as long as you don't tout Mein Kampf, you're telling them it's okay to believe what you do, I just don't want to hear it. 

It is not okay, it's downright dangerous and poisonous and people like that don't have to be a part of your social and familial circle; close or extended. 

Totally disagree with the bolded.

Do you ever associate, whether at work or at family gatherings with people you don't 100% agree with - on everything? If you find out someone doesn't totally agree with you on everything, do you leave the room/gathering/party because seeing them tells them it's ok to believe what they believe?  Do you leave all family/friend gatherings if there's someone who is anti-gay? Pro-birth? "Diet racist"? Or are those things in the circle of ok?

IMO, being in the same physical space as someone does not = validate their convictions or mean you tolerate their ideas. I may totally disdain someone or their ideas (or both) but it doesn't mean I can't handle a family gathering without storming out the door. 

Not by choice, not with people who are white separatists, which is what this question is about.