Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We’ve built a life together that is supportive, nurturing, adventurous, and fun. However, he recently dropped this bomb: “I’m not sexually satisfied, so I want to open our relationship.” He’s been sexually unsatisfied for almost two years! And rather than work on making our sex better and more frequent, he’s jumped straight to open relationship, which he feels will take pressure off of me, and give him 100 percent sexual satisfaction. I view it as running away from a problem rather than addressing it.
While I agree that our sexual relationship isn’t perfect (it would benefit from more passion, freak-a-leekness, and frequency...all of which I’m happy to work with him to bolster!), he still sees opening the relationship as the ultimate and only solution. Right now, I see it as a slap in the face. I think we should work on bettering our sex life together first, before we move towards other people to help fulfill our needs. We both love each other deeply and are committed to being together forever. But goddamn if this bump in the road hasn’t left me shook. Help!
Yours truly,
More Vodka Please