Etiquette

Where to put best man's date?

edited August 26 in Etiquette
There are only 2 people out of 6 in our wedding party with dates; my sister in law, and the best man.

My FI and I, along with our wedding party, are having a private cocktail hour in the hotel bridal suite. Obviously this includes the best man's date, as well as my sister in law's husband (aka my brother). They of course will also be having dinner at the head table with us. 

We decided we will be doing the bridal party intros into the reception.  How should we work the 2 dates? My brother was planning on leaving the private reception a few min early and sitting with my family during the intros, and then joining his wife at the head table once everyone was introduced.  

However, I don't want the best man's date to feel weird or awkward.  Should both she & my brother sit at the head table by themselves while waiting for the intros to be over?  Should she sit at another table with people she knows during the intros, and then join the head table?

i know it's only for a few minutes, but I hate the thought of anyone feeling awkward or uncomfortable for any duration.

Re: Where to put best man's date?

  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    edited August 26
    Sorry I think the private cocktail hour is really weird.  

    To answer the question I would just have them sit in their seats at the head table before your introductions. 
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • Is the private cocktail hour considered rude? Honestly, I can't remember the last time I went to a wedding where the bride/groom were at the cocktail hour, theyve always been in a private suite. Is this not usually done? 
    JediElizabeth
  • I have seen this in a bad wedding rom com before, but never in real life.

    InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • The norm is, receiving line from ceremony, guests go to start of cocktail hour, group shots, bridal party released to cocktail hour, couple take pictures (then if time mingle at end of cocktail hour) then guests are seated, then introductions.  
    SP29OliveOilsMom
  • Appreciate the feedback, everyone.  I didn't know it was so rude. I just figured it was common, since it's what I've seen done a lot.  It actually came with the wedding package! (A private bartender & food  in the bridal suite).  It was a sort of a way to take pics of the wedding party in a different setting (on the top floor of a hotel overlooking the city - not just at the church), and also gave them an opportunity to enjoy food/drinks during the picture taking. 

    We can always just do the pix at the church and go right to the main cocktail hour; I really don't want to be intentionally rude! 
  • I would just skip the bridal party intro. We did one but honestly, it was pretty pointless. Just be announced as bride and groom as you arrive and let your BP and their dates make their way to the head table.
    image
    InLoveInQueensMandyMost
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited August 26
    eileenrob said:
    It's not formally called a private cocktail hour, but venues in my area, it's very common for the WP to have the identical spread that's laid out wherever cocktail hour is in the bridal suit (or somewhere close to where pictures are being taken).  It's always made sense to me- you have a couple of minutes between photos, and if you went to the actual cocktail hour you'd be sucked in by a dozen chatty guests before you could get to the pasta station. When OP said private cocktail hour this is what I pictured- that way all wedding guests (WP and not) get to enjoy the cocktail hour spread.

    OP to answer your original question, id have your brother and BM's date sitting at the head table.  I think they'll be okay for a few minutes.  Most guests are watching the entrances, not looking around at other tables.
    For my daughter's wedding, a few platters of hors d'eouvres , identical to th e cocktail hour hors d'eouvres and a tray of signature cockatils and bottled water were set up in the bridal suite. Their photo session was quick and the wedding party had a place to freshen up and grab a quick bite before being introduced at the end of cocktail hour. They probably had about 20 minutes to do that because the banquet manager kept the guests cocktail hour to one hour before announcing it was time to find their dinner seats. The bridal party was announced immediately. H and I went directly from the ceremony to the reception to welcome the guests and enjoy cocktail hour with them. So, no, the wedding party wasn't treated to a secret special event. 

    @knottie#s, it's typical in my social circle for the bridal party to have an abbreviated cocktail 'hour' between photos and  introductions. But don't keep your guests waiting with a long photo session and a full 'private' cocktail hour. That would be rude.

    The dates of the wedding party members could just take their seats at the head table before the introductions. That should go quickly so they won't be seated alone for long. 
                
    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited August 27
    I would just skip the bridal party intro. We did one but honestly, it was pretty pointless. Just be announced as bride and groom as you arrive and let your BP and their dates make their way to the head table.

    I'm with this. We didn't figure the BP cared to be introduced and we also didn't figure the guests really cared to have them introduced, so the BP just got to go to cocktail hour and were waiting together with their SOs in the reception space when the two of us were introduced.

    ETA: No one missed it. Anyone who really wanted to know who the BP was (and didn't already) struck up a conversation with them.

    Anniversary

    PrettyGirlLostahoywedding
  • Appreciate the feedback, everyone.  I didn't know it was so rude. I just figured it was common, since it's what I've seen done a lot.  It actually came with the wedding package! (A private bartender & food  in the bridal suite).  It was a sort of a way to take pics of the wedding party in a different setting (on the top floor of a hotel overlooking the city - not just at the church), and also gave them an opportunity to enjoy food/drinks during the picture taking. 

    We can always just do the pix at the church and go right to the main cocktail hour; I really don't want to be intentionally rude! 
    This is actually really normal in weddings that I've been to (in NY, NJ, PA and RI). As long as the bridal party is getting the same food as the guests at the cocktail hour, I don't see anything rude about it.

    We were the only ones who didn't do this, and that was just because I hate pictures and needed a break from so many people. We told our venue that the private cocktail hour would be for 2, not 14, and H and I spent most of the time alone in the bridal suite. We treated it as our yichud, which is a Jewish tradition (H is Jewish).

    I really suggest not getting to your guests as soon as possible. Let your BP go after a few pictures on the roof, and then spend a few minutes with just you & your FI. It'll give you a few minutes to breath and take in the awesome thing you just did together, and it makes for a really special moment.
    mollybarker11SP29Australian_girl_in_Paris
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member

    This is the norm in my area too, now that you've described what you're talking about.  At our wedding there was a separate room adjacent to the shark tank that had a table, a vanity area, room to throw our bags, etc.  The staff put out some plates of whatever food and drinks from cocktail hour we wanted so we could grab something in between photos.  It was the same food as all the guests had, and we were out of there as quickly as possible to mingle.

    By calling it a "private cocktail hour" I pictured the 6 of you lounging about on chaises drinking champagne and being fanned and fed grapes while listening to fancy live musicians play for you while all your guests were in another room drinking beer and eating pigs in blankets to the tune of a teenager's ipod.

    ernursejSP29MandyMostshort+sassy
  • What some others described is what I've seen.   We arrived at the reception venue and I had to get bustled into my dress.   We opted not to do photos right away due to heat but we grabbed some food immediately while we got settled after the church photos and guests were already eating.

    I'm not a fan of "Bridal party doesn't attend cocktail hour because their cocktail hour is private" but I understand that they're probably taking photos during cocktail hour which is just fine. 

    Our WP dates sat with them and they were just seated for the intros. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited August 29
    It sounds like OP is planning on doing what we did and what a few others in this thread did:

    Once we finished with our photos, we went up to the bridal suite with the WP and their dates, where our venue staff had reserved for us platters of the passed apps being served during cocktail hour.  We spent about 15mins together eating and having a quick drink before we headed downstairs to signify the end of cocktail hour.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    cupcait927
  • Ahh ok thanks for explaining what you mean by the private cocktail hour! As long as you & the WP aren't dilly-dallying pictures to spend more time away from the other guests, it's very nice for you to provide the same food & drink as the cocktail hour. 

    Ditto skipping the intros. They DO make for fun pictures, but I kind of feel like it's just another thing for guests to have to focus on. If you decide to go for it, just have the WP dates at the table when you all come in. And props for including dates at the head table!
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