Wedding 911

Justified or Overreacting?

Hey everyone!


So my fiancé just got back from his bachelor party and I am upset. I am unsure if I am justified in my anger and want to know if others would be upset if they were in the same situation. I trust my partner and even told him if he ended up going to strip club I wouldn't care. The day he was coming home he called me and sounded mangled. He had no voice and sounded like he was still wasted. I said did you get sick? And he said "Yeah I have been throwing up all morning". I had a dinner planned with my girlfriends that night and he was supposed to come by after they left. Well, he showed up unannounced before they left - and started to brag about how drunk he got. I get that it's his bachelor party and his time to let loose but I couldn't help feeling annoyed that he barged in on my girls dinner. To make it worse, he is extremely close to his Mom and I guess was too drunk to call her all weekend so the day he got home she started blowing up my phone asking me if he was okay and if he had a good time. I called my fiancé and told him he needs to contact his mother because I knew she was pissed she hadn't heard from him all weekend. But unfortunately, he was too hung over and couldn't speak to his mother so I had to just answer her texts saying yeah he is doing great when in reality he was too sick to even move. Also, he comes from a very religious family so his parents think he rarely drinks so he was ignoring her probably due to the fact he didn't want her to find out he was that plastered. I am very annoyed for all these reasons. How would you ladies feel?

Re: Justified or Overreacting?

  • Thank you so much for your reply! I did text his Mom back and tell her be was home fine and that he had a blast at his party. I do believe I am over reacting. It just sucks I can't help the way I feel. Maybe I need to dig a little deeper and find out whats really bothering me. Perhaps it just the stress of the wedding. Thank you!!
  • I get being annoyed that he barged in on your girls' night in such an obnoxious way. That was supposed to be your time with your friends, and it was rude of him to disrupt it. I think it would be fair to ask in the future that he respect your time with your friends, time you need to yourself, etc. without interrupting it. As far as the drinking goes, you did say you trusted him, and if excessive drinking isn't typical for him, you should probably accept that it was just bachelor party behavior and let it go.


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    charlotte989875Knottie2809d79265805ae0short+sassy
  • I understand being annoyed that he disrupted your girl's night. That would piss me off too - like he had the whole weekend with his guys and you just want dinner with girlfriends and can't even have that. 

    But you can't be pissed that he got plastered at his bachelor party. It's par for the course. 

    And handling his mom is your choice - you don't have to answer every one of her texts. You could have just said "I haven't heard from him either and I'm out for the day with girlfriends. I'll let you know if I hear from him. Good luck!" And then simply don't respond to her subsequent texts. 
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    Knottie2809d79265805ae0SP29short+sassy
  • edited August 29
    I'd be pissed about the girls night thing. But unless he was belligerent, unsafe, or got arrested I'd let the drinking go. H was plastered at his bachelor party, and still drunk when I picked him up in the morning. No big deal. He slept it off. 

    Think about why why this bothers you so much; because it sounds like when you talked about it before you were cool with whatever happened, now you're not. 
    Knottie2809d79265805ae0SP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I think you're absolutely overreacting. Let it go. 

    LondonLisaKnottie2809d79265805ae0
  • I think over-doing it for the bachelor/bachelorette is really common.   That said, I think your FI needs to grow up.
    -You're going to be his wife.   He can filter the responses to his mom.   And he needs to figure out a response to his mom regarding how to drink.
    -I'm not understanding why showing up to the girl's dinner is a big deal unless he made an ass of himself. 
    Knottie2809d79265805ae0charlotte989875SP29
  • Thank you everyone:) 
  • Do you live together? Where was this dinner?

    I'm a little confused on the logistics. Overall this seems like a very very small deal to me that the whole story is a bit confusing. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited August 29
    I think my answer would depend on the following question:  Is this a one-time thing, or does he often get drunk?

    If this is a one time thing, I would let it go.
    If he gets drunk regularly, I would think twice about marrying this man.  Keeping secrets from his parents is not a good sign for the future, and making you a part of keeping the secret is not fair to you.  I would have told his mother that he got plastered at his bachelor party and that today he is paying the price!
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    JediElizabethshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Unless your FI gets drunk on a regular basis or the bachelor party was held the night before your wedding (which it doesn't sound like), I'd let it go unless he endangered someone's safety or caused damage (which again it doesn't sound like).

    I would be annoyed that he disrupted your night with your GFs and that his mother blew up your phone. I think you should have told his mother, "He's not here, he's at his bachelor party. I am not in contact with him right now. If I hear from him, I'll ask him to call you" and then stopped taking calls or texts from her.
    MesmrEwecharlotte989875
  • This is where you have the "All things drinking rules discussion" for BOTH of you.  This can easily be a deal breaker topic!  Do not have this discussion with alcohol present.  This is part of the discussions of the "Ground rules/Rules of Engagement in Marriage" to discuss these issues so the ground rules exist so neither of you has unrealistic expectations (other topics include kids, finances, religion, etc.) or are not going to be able to compromise, that you learn this stuff BEFORE you say "I Do" instead of after and have bigger problems to deal with.  You have an issue because of the resulting behavior of how he responds to going one step away from alcohol poisoning.  It's NOTHING to do with the Bachelor Party or the circumstances of HOW he got drunk (it's still on him, he's the one who CHOSE to drink the alcohol!), it's what happened next that has you concerned.  

    Yes, this discussion must include YOUR WEDDING!  More than one bride/groom has cried her eyes out because their new husband (or wife), because the person they love most in the world to marry, was too sloshed out drunk to perform the wedding night "finale" dance or barfed all over the wedding dress/tux.  

    As for the FMIL stuff, you need to learn to deflect those types of things and boundaries.  

    The real point I want to make is this concerned you enough to ask the question on a forum, you have access to 100% of the details that we do not have here.  My opinion is you are 100% justified in feeling the way you do, the question is now how do you choose to respond.  Do not justify it as "it's his Bach Party" because that's going to turn in to "He's the groom, he should be allowed to let loose on your wedding night!" (or you as the bride for that matter instead) type enabling...  You have to set your ground rules together and you need to be firm.  
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  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 30
    Ha!  MY son hasn't called me in five weeks!  Maybe I should phone him and whine and make demands?  Nope!  Not my style.
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    charlotte989875
  • banana468 said:
    I think over-doing it for the bachelor/bachelorette is really common.   That said, I think your FI needs to grow up.
    -You're going to be his wife.   He can filter the responses to his mom.   And he needs to figure out a response to his mom regarding how to drink.
    -I'm not understanding why showing up to the girl's dinner is a big deal unless he made an ass of himself. 
    1) It's a girls night and he was specifically not invited until after everyone had gone home
    2) He showed up anyway, unannounced
    3) He barged in bragging about how drunk he got at his bachelor party

    She probably planned this dinner on his bachelor party weekend to have some girl time while he had the whole weekend with his friends. And he can't even respect that? Yea, I'd be annoyed too. 
    I'm not seeing that he was specifically uninvited.   She said he was supposed to come by after they left.     That doesn't mean he was told not to show up at all.

    Dude sounds like he has some growing up to do especially if he can't handle his mom himself.   But a lot of this seems to be worthy of a bath and wine.

    dridcharlotte989875
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