Etiquette

"Random" invites?

This is probably a dumb question but...I was looking over my potential guest list (past obvious invites like family and besties) and it became a "like her. don't like her." "Love her but haven't really talked to her in years...don't like her but we talk all the time" And the list started looking really random...

Like friend A B & C always hung out together but I don't really like friend B...can I just invite A & C?

Thoughts please!!

 

Re: "Random" invites?

  • In the specific scenario you gave with friends A,B, and C.  Which you seem to classify as a "group".  I don't think you have to invite friend B, if you don't care for her.  But, space permitting, it would be a good idea if you can.

    I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like you all are friendly and hang out.  And that you wouldn't mind her being at the wedding, she just isn't a friend you would pick out yourself and is more a part of the "group".  As such, it would avoid some awkwardness if your are able to fit her into the invite list.  But, if the guest list is tight, I probably wouldn't choose her over closer friends.

    I realize I gave a real "politician's" answer, lol.  But I hope you KWIM.

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    OurWildKingdom
  • @mobkaz we haven't hung out as a group since freshman years in college (about 10 years) but one of the girls in the group is one of my bridesmaids. Another I wouldn't mind seeing/coming since we have space.

    So there's basically 3 other people that would be close to appropriate to invite. The one I really don't like. never have. so she's out. The other 2 are borderline...I prefer the one over the other but I think she moved out of state so she might not come...the other....I honestly haven't heard much from them (her and her husband) until I got engaged and now they are ALL over my facebook with comments/likes/posts/etc. It's like they're trying for an invite which makes me want to not invite them.   

     

  • No one (except SOs of people invited) is entitled to an invitation to your wedding. If you haven't been close to them in years, a wedding is not the place to rekindle friendship. 

    In my experience, most people getting married in their late 20s or later only invite the hs and college friends they still talk to....cliques no longer matter, and you don't need a reunion of the whole gang. 
    SP29InLoveInQueensshort+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    The good (and bad) thing is that there's no etiquette rule here. Even if you were one of the Friends and decided not to invite Ross, you'd still be in the clear etiquette wise. (Unless, of course, Ross and Rachel were together, then they'd be both or neither). 

    Stepping outside of strict etiquette, most people do recommend inviting in circles. There's nothing rude about leaving Ross out, but it's going to make coffee shop meet up pretty awkward if everyone is invited except Ross.

    So practical situation, if you regularly hang out with all of these people in a group, I would err toward inviting the whole group. If it's just a group where you know them all from the same time but you don't really keep in touch with all of them, it's totally fine to only invite the ones you're friends with. FWIW, a lot of people use the one year rule. If you haven't talked to this person one-on-one in the last year (not FB comments or group text), they don't get invited. 
    charlotte989875short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • The good (and bad) thing is that there's no etiquette rule here. Even if you were one of the Friends and decided not to invite Ross, you'd still be in the clear etiquette wise. (Unless, of course, Ross and Rachel were together, then they'd be both or neither). 

    LOVE THE FRIENDS REFERENCE!!! :-)

    Thanks!!

    Image result for friends gif

     

    charlotte989875short+sassyMyNameIsNotOurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    No one (except SOs of people invited) is entitled to an invitation to your wedding. If you haven't been close to them in years, a wedding is not the place to rekindle friendship. 

    In my experience, most people getting married in their late 20s or later only invite the hs and college friends they still talk to....cliques no longer matter, and you don't need a reunion of the whole gang. 
    This.

    I agree that inviting in circles is a good way to make sure feathers don't get ruffled, but if you don't hang out with these other people anymore, there really isn't a circle anymore to worry about- thus I wouldn't invite them. If you used to hang out with Sally, Susie and Sam, but now only keep in touch with Sally, you don't have to invite Susie and Sam just because Sally still talks to them.

    We also started making our guest list with "Must Haves" and "Would Like to Haves". We had a fairly large "would like to haves" and really had to think about whether we would invite these guests or not. In many cases, they were old, good friends, but we had lost touch with them over the years. In the end, we made a "rule" that if we hadn't seen to talked to someone in a year, we weren't going to invite them. The odd exception was made, but it did help point out the people who were, and we were, making a point to connect with and keep in our lives.
    short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • SP29 said:
    No one (except SOs of people invited) is entitled to an invitation to your wedding. If you haven't been close to them in years, a wedding is not the place to rekindle friendship. 

    In my experience, most people getting married in their late 20s or later only invite the hs and college friends they still talk to....cliques no longer matter, and you don't need a reunion of the whole gang. 
    This.

    I agree that inviting in circles is a good way to make sure feathers don't get ruffled, but if you don't hang out with these other people anymore, there really isn't a circle anymore to worry about- thus I wouldn't invite them. If you used to hang out with Sally, Susie and Sam, but now only keep in touch with Sally, you don't have to invite Susie and Sam just because Sally still talks to them.

    We also started making our guest list with "Must Haves" and "Would Like to Haves". We had a fairly large "would like to haves" and really had to think about whether we would invite these guests or not. In many cases, they were old, good friends, but we had lost touch with them over the years. In the end, we made a "rule" that if we hadn't seen to talked to someone in a year, we weren't going to invite them. The odd exception was made, but it did help point out the people who were, and we were, making a point to connect with and keep in our lives.
    Yep, this. I only hang out with a small number of friends from high school, and wasn't really close with one of them back then. BUT she was good friends with the few people I did keep in touch with, and I see her whenever I go home and hang out with the rest of the group. I wouldn't say she's one of my BFFs like the other ladies, but we invited her & her FI to our wedding since she IS part of the circle I see my other friends in. If she didn't run in the same circle as my other friends, I wouldn't have invited her. (She went to college out of state; I moved out of state a couple years after she moved home, so we kind of just missed developing a closer friendship)
    SP29
  • Going off this topic...work invites is getting complicated...I'm inviting my department  (only like 30 people tops including SO) but there's other people there that are maybe's and it's getting complicated 

     

  • My personal stance on co-workers, is to only invite those whom you have a relationship with outside of work- i.e. you are inviting them because they are a friend you happen to work with, not because you work with them and happen to not mind them.

    I realize many people do invite co-workers, but I think once you start inviting some, you kind of have to invite them all- unless you can make a smaller "circle". As in, your company has 100 employees, but you work in a department with 10, so you invite those 10 (+SOs).


    ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • I agree with @SP29.  Since you feel the work invites are getting complicated, I would just keep it to the people in your department.  Maybe a few more, IF you regularly socialize with them outside of work.
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