Etiquette

Extended family I've met once invites

Fully understanding what all my friends said about family drama coming out when planning wedding lol. 

Here's the situation. I was casually going over the list of invites with my parents (who are paying) during dinner. (aka just talking about the "non-obvious" invites/maybes) And my mom asked if I had my grandma's sister on the list or my grandpa's brother. I was mildly unaware my grandparents had siblings...so no their not on the list but if its important to my mom for them to come sure. (again. parents are paying)

Then my Dad asked if I was inviting Suzy*, Sandy* and Bob* my uncles kids from his first marriage. I said no and he seems shocked and said "but they're you're first cousins"

Yes, but I met Suzy and Sandy once at their father's (my uncles) funeral. I've met Bob maybe 3 times my entire life. I didn't know Suzy and Sandy existed until a few months before my uncle passed away.  

I would be like "sure whatever they can come" but his other kids (one is his step son but lived/raised him since he was 2) who I've known/hung around my entire life told me that they don't really get along/like Suzy, Sandy & Bob.
They did not speak to each other at their father's funeral.

I want my cousins I'm closer to, to come to the wedding and be fully comfortable. Yes we are all adults and everyone could put their differences aside for the evening but I don't want them to have to. Like I said. They would have a better time if their siblings weren't there. 

Any advice or opinions??
TIA 

 

Re: Extended family I've met once invites

  • Ditto that. I wouldn't put up a fight about your grandparents' siblings, just add them to the list and seat them near your grandparents or other family they know if they're able to attend. 

    I think you have some leverage with you uncle's children from his first marriage, especially if they distanced themselves from your family after he passed. I would ask your parents why they think the children need to be invited, but you could definitely push back a little there.
    SP29
  • Totally agree with @southernbelle0915's wording, and go from there. Is you Dad insistent? Maybe he doesn't know the extent of the sibling dislike? I definitely think you can push back here a little, but if they're paying and they absolutely want these cousins to come I think you (and the cousins) suck it up for one night. But yeah it's frustrating and I get where you're coming from. 

    I also wouldnt push push back in the grandparents siblings; like others said above if it's not many seats and would mean something to your grandparents/parents and it's not a big thing to you I'd just invite them.  
    short+sassy
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Fully understanding what all my friends said about family drama coming out when planning wedding lol. 

    Here's the situation. I was casually going over the list of invites with my parents (who are paying) during dinner. (aka just talking about the "non-obvious" invites/maybes) And my mom asked if I had my grandma's sister on the list or my grandpa's brother. I was mildly unaware my grandparents had siblings...so no their not on the list but if its important to my mom for them to come sure. (again. parents are paying)

    Then my Dad asked if I was inviting Suzy*, Sandy* and Bob* my uncles kids from his first marriage. I said no and he seems shocked and said "but they're you're first cousins"

    Yes, but I met Suzy and Sandy once at their father's (my uncles) funeral. I've met Bob maybe 3 times my entire life. I didn't know Suzy and Sandy existed until a few months before my uncle passed away.  

    I would be like "sure whatever they can come" but his other kids (one is his step son but lived/raised him since he was 2) who I've known/hung around my entire life told me that they don't really get along/like Suzy, Sandy & Bob.
    They did not speak to each other at their father's funeral.

    I want my cousins I'm closer to, to come to the wedding and be fully comfortable. Yes we are all adults and everyone could put their differences aside for the evening but I don't want them to have to. Like I said. They would have a better time if their siblings weren't there. 

    Any advice or opinions??
    TIA 
    I think if your parents are paying for everything, and space is not a factor, just let them come. It's potentially 10 people we are talking about in the scheme of things. It's not really that big of an ask. 

    Also, just because your cousins don't get on, doesn't mean they're going to fight or be uncomfortable. Just seat them apart from each other. They probably won't even notice each other. 

    Or you can return your parent's money and pay for the wedding yourself. That way you can control the guest list. 
    SP29
  • No one says you need to be on the horn with who is invited telling them someone else they may not communicate with is also going to be invited.  It's not like this is a Hatfield and McCoy situation here.  They show up and find out "oh you were invited" and who knows, maybe they've learned to be civil again!  Their drama is not yours to entertain.  
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    SP29
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