Etiquette

Wedding garter toss?

I hope this is the right board. I was going to post in "accessories" but after reading some of those posts, etiquette seemed like a more appropriate place for my question.
Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.

Re: Wedding garter toss?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I hate the garter toss. This is something you can definitely skip, and should definitely skip if it is making you uncomfortable. 


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    fmrsbnkahoyweddingCMGragaincharlotte989875
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    We don't have this tradition where I live, and I am so thankful! It seems super cringe-y! 
    ahoyweddingCMGragain
  • So glad you're skipping it. This is one of the most cringe-worthy things at a wedding. And I've only seen a couple since the 90s.
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    mollybarker11ahoyweddingCMGragain
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    I'm glad you're skipping it. I witnessed it once, and the couple at that wedding are divorced. It was creepy.
    ahoyweddingCMGragain
  • I haven't seen it in the four weddings I've attended in the past year, and we won't be doing it at our wedding either.  Definitely skippable!
    ahoyweddingCMGragain
  • We didn't do it & no one mentioned they missed it! I'm glad you're skipping it!
    CMGragaincharlotte989875
  • fmrsbnk said:
    I hope this is the right board. I was going to post in "accessories" but after reading some of those posts, etiquette seemed like a more appropriate place for my question.
    Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
    Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.
    I've ONLY seen this at the pretty conservative Christian weddings I've been to. A quick google search says that it's a symbol of the (until now virginal) couple consummating their wedding....and the more I read about it, the more creeped out I am. 

    Skip it. The rest of your guests will thank you.
    CMGragainMRDCleshort+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    When I was the MOH at my brother's wedding when I was 18/19, I caught the bouquet. They then did the garter toss. Due to the weird rules, I then had to sit in front of the group of guys as my brother tossed the damn thing. There was then I fight for it because my cousin's didn't want anyone else getting it to then put on my leg. So uncomfortable... 

    Glad you decided to skip it.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009

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    CMGragain
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 16
    fmrsbnk said:
    I hope this is the right board. I was going to post in "accessories" but after reading some of those posts, etiquette seemed like a more appropriate place for my question.
    Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
    Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.
    The tossing of the WHAT?????  Garter BELTS were never tossed at any wedding.  Most people stopped wearing them around the time pantyhose were invented.  OK, just for fun, in black lace.  They were worn around the waist with four elastic tethers that clipped to the top of silk stockings.  The always reminded me of another kind of sanitary belt, now obsolete, thank God!  Yes, I wore both utilitarian articles when I was young.  Ugh.
    Your FMIL probably meant "tossing of the GARTER", not GARTER BELT!  The garter is an outdated item of apparel.  It was a tight elastic band around the legs that held up the traditional silk stockings.  (Just try finding THOSE for sale today!) Garters were replaced in the twentieth century with the well remembered GIRDLE, which pushed in everything below the waist and had clips to hold up the stockings.  Yes, I wore them.  Ugh!  Today they are called "shape wear" and they no longer have clips for stockings, since those can be impossible to find.  Maybe on the internet.
    The garter tossing tradition was symbolic at the reception in the 1960s and 1970s.  Bridal shops sold cutsie powder blue and lace ones $$ for the purpose.  They were uncomfortable and unnecessary.  No, I didn't do it in 1976.  Too sexist and vulgar for me.  This is a tradition that should have ended with Henry VIII, since tight garters may have contributed to his health issues in the sixteenth century.
    Tell your FMIL that this just isn't fashionable any more.  Your post really gave me a laugh today! :p

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    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Tell your FMIL that no one does that anymore and then change the subject. You shouldn't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
                
    SP29southernbelle0915InLoveInQueens
  • fmrsbnk said:
    I hope this is the right board. I was going to post in "accessories" but after reading some of those posts, etiquette seemed like a more appropriate place for my question.
    Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
    Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.
    I've ONLY seen this at the pretty conservative Christian weddings I've been to. A quick google search says that it's a symbol of the (until now virginal) couple consummating their wedding....and the more I read about it, the more creeped out I am. 

    Skip it. The rest of your guests will thank you.
    What the...OMG that's horrifying and terribly creepy. Ick.
    JediElizabeth
  • Your call with your FI - Nothing more nothing less.  It's all in how it's done, I've seen those who have done it such that the guy is on a mission and doesn't turn it into a production (i.e. he has it up his coat sleeve prior to the start and goes to about mid-calf max or just has it in-hand like you the toss bouquet without any "taking it off" production) and I've seen it entirely distasteful and nasty-gross.  Nothing says there needs to be the whole "taking it off the bride" in order to do the toss. 
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  • MesmrEwe said:
    Your call with your FI - Nothing more nothing less.  It's all in how it's done, I've seen those who have done it such that the guy is on a mission and doesn't turn it into a production (i.e. he has it up his coat sleeve prior to the start and goes to about mid-calf max or just has it in-hand like you the toss bouquet without any "taking it off" production) and I've seen it entirely distasteful and nasty-gross.  Nothing says there needs to be the whole "taking it off the bride" in order to do the toss. 
    Even if he has it up his sleeve and is just pretending to take it off, or if the bride has it so low it's basically on her ankle, or if the bride just hands it to him...it's still the groom throwing a piece of the bride's undergarments for both of your male friends and family to catch. To me, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY to make this anything but entirely distasteful and nasty-gross. 

    If a garter is thrown, I find it distasteful and nasty-gross. Period. It's throwing a woman't undergarment to a group of men! 
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • Most of the weddings I've been to lately (5 this summer!!) all had it but I've been on the fence about it for mine. To me it's always been toss bouquet and toss garter. And as a 5 year old I loved the bouquet toss...as a single adult I hated it...

    What I'm doing instead is giving the "toss bouquet" to the couple married the longest and asking for few words of marriage advice and then taking a photo with them. 

    Seems much more appropriate IMO.

    I'd say skip it. One of my friends skipped it because she forgot the garter at home. No one noticed that it wasn't done.

     

  • I didn't toss a bouquet or a garter.  I've always disliked the garter toss, for all the reasons mentioned above.  I didn't toss a bouquet because I had a small wedding and there just weren't that many single ladies.  None of whom I'd thought would be remotely interested in that.

    However, coming from New Orleans (thought I got married in CA), I did seriously consider tossing out a few wedding themed beads to anyone who wanted to get in the group and try to catch them.  I think that would have been fun if I'd had the space for it, but I really didn't unless we crossed the street to a park.  But that seemed like it would have just been more a party interruption.  So, for logistics reasons, I canned the idea.

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  • Most of the weddings I've been to lately (5 this summer!!) all had it but I've been on the fence about it for mine. To me it's always been toss bouquet and toss garter. And as a 5 year old I loved the bouquet toss...as a single adult I hated it...

    What I'm doing instead is giving the "toss bouquet" to the couple married the longest and asking for few words of marriage advice and then taking a photo with them. 

    Seems much more appropriate IMO.

    I'd say skip it. One of my friends skipped it because she forgot the garter at home. No one noticed that it wasn't done.

    This is really cute! Do they know you're doing it or are you going to put them on the spot though?

    I've also seen brides give the bouquet to their youngest cousin or something, which is also sweet.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    Most of the weddings I've been to lately (5 this summer!!) all had it but I've been on the fence about it for mine. To me it's always been toss bouquet and toss garter. And as a 5 year old I loved the bouquet toss...as a single adult I hated it...

    What I'm doing instead is giving the "toss bouquet" to the couple married the longest and asking for few words of marriage advice and then taking a photo with them. 

    Seems much more appropriate IMO.

    I'd say skip it. One of my friends skipped it because she forgot the garter at home. No one noticed that it wasn't done.

    DD had an anniversary dance ( DJ called out if a couple had been married less than X years they were to leave the dance floor - longest married couple was last on floor) and had a picture made with the couple and the newlyweds. They didn't ask for marriage advice. The couple that had been married the longest were good friends of mine and H's, but we didn't realize they had been married so long. That of course only happened because SIL's grandparents didn't go out on the dance floor.

  • @ahoywedding I've mentioned it to my FMIL and I think she will probably be the one married the longest or my aunt. Both of them LOVE being center of attention (when appropriate) so I'm not too worried about putting them on the spot.  

     

    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Most of the weddings I've been to lately (5 this summer!!) all had it but I've been on the fence about it for mine. To me it's always been toss bouquet and toss garter. And as a 5 year old I loved the bouquet toss...as a single adult I hated it...

    What I'm doing instead is giving the "toss bouquet" to the couple married the longest and asking for few words of marriage advice and then taking a photo with them. 

    Seems much more appropriate IMO.

    I'd say skip it. One of my friends skipped it because she forgot the garter at home. No one noticed that it wasn't done.


    Why not just give them your bouquet instead of a toss bouquet? That seems much more meaningful, and traditionally that's what was always thrown. 

    Also, if you have any recently widowed attendees at your reception, please consider their feelings when making a big deal out of how long someone's been married. My dad died 18 years ago, and I still feel bad when for her when I see this at weddings, because it comes across as people who are married longer are somehow "better"...and she'd still be married if he hadn't died. 
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