Bonus: If I say something, does that make me a creeper?

mrsconn23

Jane,

While I mainly use Facebook for outside-of-work activities, I am friends with lots of professional colleagues on there. Therefore, I sometimes click on things that they post because they are related to my field. Facebook, in its eminent wisdom, has thus decided that I should be seeing lots more that these work friends’ posts. This is how I came to find out that one of my colleagues is going through a messy divorce and custody battle. Like, mental health evaluation and accusations of brainwashing her son-level messy.

We are former coworkers, and should run into one another at professional events a couple times in the coming months. I want to express my support for her in her tough time, but by doing so I would be obliged to tell her how I came to find out. (“I didn’t MEAN to creep on your marriage, I just fell into it!”) I anticipate that you’re going to say that I should keep this information to myself. But on the chance that I should try to reach out, is there something I could say? (I am a straight man and she is a straight woman, if that affects your answer.)

Thanks

kvruns

If this person is spilling her personal mess all over facebook then he shouldn't feel like a creeper for seeing it since they are FB friends. It would be creeping if they weren't FB friends but he was going to her page and seeing what public posts she had. 

I don't think the first words out of his mouth need to be sorry you're having a tough time but if it comes up organically in the conversation you can express sympathy for her tough time but no need to drag up what you read on fb.

mrsconn23

kvruns said:

I don't think the first words out of his mouth need to be sorry you're having a tough time but if it comes up organically in the conversation you can express sympathy for her tough time but no need to drag up what you read on fb.

This.   I think he'd look weird if she says *nothing* about it and he brings it up.  And if they're at a work event, she may not and that's probably the professional way to deal with it. 

southernbelle0915

This is a professional event and it's clear they aren't actual friends outside of work. I would keep things professional and not mention it. If former co-worker says "oh I'm going through a divorce" I would just say "I'm so sorry to hear that."

Other than that, I don't know why you'd bring up a messy divorce at a professional event to someone you aren't actually friends with outside of facebook.

VarunaTT

She put it out on FB and, presumably, knows you're FB friends, so I feel like he's worrying a bit too much about this.  I also still wouldn't say anything to her or treat her any differently, but I'd barely give it a 2nd thought in a professional setting.

SP29

I wouldn't bring this up at a professional event, but if co-worker is sharing these personal details on FB (!!!), then LW isn't a creeper.