I HATE a groomsman's girlfriend

So my fiance originally told me that he didn't want attendants. I was fine with it, but now he wants groomsmen. I compromised and said yes, but he wants our EMS partner as a groomsman, which I said was fine; we both volunteer with a local rescue squad, which runs emergency medical services calls.

I told him that I have no intention of inviting our partner's girlfriend; I absolutely LOATHE her. She is exceedingly insecure, and very immature. I am friends with both of them on FB, and she had the nerve to message me, and fuss at me for tagging him in things. Nothing of which was EVER inappropriate. So I have since respected her wishes. But we were on shift one night, and he told us of how she had been fussing at him the entire time because he was on shift instead of spending time with her. I kid you not, she wanted him to resign his position on the rescue squad because it took time away from her!

She is only 18, and he is about to be 21, and on this particular night, we had just run a call where two young men had died in a horrific car accident. Her constant texting and calling was affecting his performance at that point, so we tried to have a discussion with him about her behavior, as it was unacceptable. This caused a fight on a nuclear level, and I told him everything that I had been holding back about her. Since then, I have apologized to him, and have steered clear of her. She seems to be avoiding me as well.

My fiance says that I have to invite her, but I disagree. I have explained to him, countless times I might add, why I refuse to invite her. I don't trust the little witch to not cause a scene if things don't go her way. Do I HAVE to invite her?


Re: I HATE a groomsman's girlfriend

  • Would it be distasteful if I ask him for a sincere apology on her part first? She has caused problems in my own relationship because of her past behavior, and I have been the "bigger person" on almost every occasion, accommodating her as much as possible, reaching out to her, etc., all of which has been thrown back in my face. Since we are paying for every wedding expense ourselves, I feel like I shouldn't have to include someone that won't be missed if she isn't there.
  • She dragged my name into it, by telling him that he isn't allowed around me, even on shift, which is of course ridiculous. And this was before we ever had any kind of disagreement, or confrontation. And as I was a witness to her horrid behavior, and as it affects our patient care, which can sometimes mean the difference between life and death, it's unavoidable. He's my friend too by the way, and actively tries to sabotage my fiance and our partner's friendship even.
  • I have never once "butted" into their relationship. The one time my partner and I had a fight about her, was because he asked for advice about his relationship the night that we ended up having a major argument. He was the one who got upset when my fiance and I both told him that her behavior was not appropriate, and that he needed to stop talking to her for the rest of the shift since she was causing trouble. She kept calling him however, and he kept answering her texts and calls. He even told us that he was distracted on the call because of her, and that he couldn't focus on what he was supposed to be doing. He insulted my relationship with my fiance, and myself, and that's when I let loose about her. Which consisted of saying that she is immature and insecure, with examples of how and when, when he asked. Wow, so terrible.

    When we are on shift together, we get along just fine actually, unless she bothers him. I have always held my tongue, except for that one night. He has since admitted that her behavior is not acceptable, but doesn't know what to do about it. I don't say anything to him. We've been to dinner with them several times, and attempted to be more friendly with her, thinking she just felt awkward or left out. But she is rude to my fiance as well, so we know that it's not me causing any kind of trouble.

    I have no interest in anything to do with their relationship, so to say that I am causing drama is absolute BS. My fiance hasn't told him that he wants him to be a groomsman yet, mainly because of this issue. He says we should invite her as a formality. But he doesn't really want her there either.
  • I don't want to fight with you guys. I also don't want anyone to be upset, so if he asks our partner to be a groomsman, I will invite her as well. But I take the liberty of asking them to leave if she begins to become troublesome. Is that acceptable?
  • You need to invite her.   If there's legitimate trouble caused at your reception then tell venue management that they're allowed to ask troubling guests to be removed.

    I hated a GM's girlfriend too.  We didn't like each other in college, she spied in me (actually unscrewed my dorm room peep hole to look into my room and see what I was doing while laying on my bed) and tried stick herself in the middle of my relationship with DH when we were first dating.   She was also the ex-GF of another guest (and they didn't have a good break-up) and was a former roommate of another guest and stiffed him on several months rent.  She wasn't liked by A LOT of people. I didn't want her at my wedding.

    But she was invited, attended and all was fine.  Quite frankly, I look back and smile knowing that I looked gracious as she was welcomed and eventually the relationship fizzled. 
  • Thank you for responding politely. We have to have our phones on us, because that is how we receive our pages. If he doesn't answer her texts or calls, she will keep calling and texting non-stop until he answers. And since he has to have his phone on him, he has no choice but to be subject to her.

    I know her personally as well. We were good friends at first, messaging each other almost everyday, and making plans to hang out. But once my partner called me pretty in front of her, she did a complete 180. We have no interest in each other outside of work. We used to all go out to dinner and do social things together, but once he called me pretty, she put a stop to all of that. So now, I don't talk or interact with him outside of work. I don't talk or interact with her either.

    She doesn't like if my fiance' spends any time with our partner either. I can honestly say that I don't know if she will even allow him to be a groomsman. I was just hoping that there would be some way that I could not invite her. But I guess I should have known better.
  • We have to have our phones on, because that is how we receive our pages; we live in a rural area, and this is the best that they can accomplish. He doesn't answer the phone on calls, but does once we're done with them. I've had a discussion with him about his behavior. Unfortunately, it was also during the same discussion that turned into a fight. He's gotten a lot better about it since then though. And even though he has asked her not to text or call him while he is on shift, she does it anyway. I want to get along with her so badly, but I just can't anymore.
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