If you're in therapy, why do you think Prudie has the answers?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
Apologies in advance for how melodramatic this is, and I promise I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and all that jazz. I’m still scared, though. About three or four times a year, I have the overwhelming desire to kill myself. This started when I was 9 (I’m 29 now), and it doesn’t seem like it will go away. Obviously suicide is bad, and I have people who love me and who would be devastated if I died, but if it were an accident … I guess I’m writing to you to ask if every human life has equal value, which is a casual and normal question. I truly believe there could be an exception for someone who is fine, but nothing special, and who no one could ever be in a romantic relationship with. People can be gorgeous but have bad personalities and find love, or people can be awesome and not necessarily conventionally attractive and find love, but if you’re a lousy, ugly person, it seems rough. My real issue is that I’m scared that I’ve thought about (and tried) suicide so much that it seems inconceivable that I could actually live and do well and not eventually kill myself. Are some people just destined to screw everything up and die? I know that I’m, all told, doing fine, and this is dramatic and unnecessary, but I can’t help this feeling.

–Destined to Fail?

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
Apologies in advance for how melodramatic this is, and I promise I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and all that jazz. I’m still scared, though. About three or four times a year, I have the overwhelming desire to kill myself. This started when I was 9 (I’m 29 now), and it doesn’t seem like it will go away. Obviously suicide is bad, and I have people who love me and who would be devastated if I died, but if it were an accident … I guess I’m writing to you to ask if every human life has equal value, which is a casual and normal question. I truly believe there could be an exception for someone who is fine, but nothing special, and who no one could ever be in a romantic relationship with. People can be gorgeous but have bad personalities and find love, or people can be awesome and not necessarily conventionally attractive and find love, but if you’re a lousy, ugly person, it seems rough. My real issue is that I’m scared that I’ve thought about (and tried) suicide so much that it seems inconceivable that I could actually live and do well and not eventually kill myself. Are some people just destined to screw everything up and die? I know that I’m, all told, doing fine, and this is dramatic and unnecessary, but I can’t help this feeling.

–Destined to Fail?

Ugh.   This LW makes me so sad and the only thing I'd say as Prudie is that every life is valuable and s/he needs a new therapist.

I found out that my cousin's suicide wasn't his first attempt and it pains me so much that he fought those demons for decades.   

charlotte989875

Well I think LW needs a new care team, or at least a new care plan. Or new/different medication. 

If s/he hasn't gone through with it, maybe they're still hoping things can improve. Also s/he is reaching out (even if it's a really odd choice of Prudie) and that's big. 

baconsmom

Is it suicidal ideation, or intrusive thoughts? One's a lot harder to deal with than the other. 

Also, "does every human life have equal value" is not a "casual" or "normal" question. I mean, I think it makes for great conversation, but, like...yeah. No. 

LW defs needs to switch meds or docs or something. 

PrettyGirlLost

I feel awful for the LW. . . I hope they can find someone who can better help them.

short+sassy

It is very alarming, how the LW feels.  I hope they can finally find the right treatment and therapy to at least curb these impulses.  It also saddened me to see, at the end of their letter, how much they downplayed even their own very real and very serious feelings.  By accusing themself of just being "dramatic", when "everything is fine".

But I am going to answer their question with what is probably an extremely unpopular opinion.  I definitely and strongly think some human lives are much more valuable than others.  For simplicity's sake, it's basically, "Is the world better off for a particular person having lived or is living on it?"

And, by "world" that can include a much smaller area.  Their community.  Their family.  Their friends.  If a person's impact has been more negative than positive, I think it's too bad they were ever born and their life is much less valuable than someone's life who adds a POSITIVE impact to our world.

That is also my own definition of success.  If on my passing, I left the world just a little bit better place for my having been here, then I had a successful life.

Back to the LW, they mention there are people who would be devastated by their death.  Their life does matter and I'd guess they've been a positive influence in their own circle of friends/family.