Need Something Really Small....and fast

knottie278e28471ae49dd9

Just looking for ideas to have a very brief thing at our house within the next few weeks.  We were going to have a wedding next November but found out my fiance is pregnant.  She was fine with just going to the courthouse but I have 3 children from a previous marriage and want to include them in some sort of small ceremony.  They are 5, 8 and 10 and are all on board with the wedding.  I would just like for them to know we were married before the baby is brought into the picture, hence why November 2018 is out of the window.

We were planning on doing some sort of housewarming party/very small ceremony at our house.  Has anyone done something like this before?  We're looking at no more than 30 people and it being very casual.  Again this is more about the kids than anything.  I want them to be present and be part of us becoming a family together and letting them feel involved in that process.

Just throwing it out there and see if anyone had seen something like this before.

Thanks

Jen4948

Plenty of people do what you're suggesting with a small ceremony at home. That's fine.

But your "this is more about the kids than anything" raised a red flag with me. A serious piece of advice: Don't make either your marriage or your ceremony about your kids.

Obviously, they'll all play important roles in your lives, but your ceremony is about you and your FI becoming a unit.

The only "roles" for kids in wedding ceremonies are flower girl and ring bearer (for about ages 3-8), reader, bridesmaid/groomsman or bridesman/groomsmaid (for older than about 8), or guest.

They should not have any speaking roles unless they're doing readings (which should be age-appropriate). That's because they have no choice about your getting married or staying together. It would not be appropriate for them to be part of any vow exchanges.

ahoywedding

Ditto what Jen said about the kids. The ceremony is about you & your FI, not the children. As much as a marriage is joining two families, the two adults are choosing it, not the children. 

Contact officiants and see what their availability is for a ceremony at your home. They should be able to do short ceremonies, and ours was able to adjust the ceremony a little bit to our liking. Some jurisdictions will also allow Justices of the Peace to perform ceremonies outside the courthouse, but that's something you'd have to look into.

When you're hosting guests, the important things are to ensure that there's a seat for every butt (during the ceremony and also while eating), and plenty of food and beverages (doesn't have to be alcoholic). Plenty of restaurants will do catering, especially if you're not having a huge group. A lot of grocery stores can also do sandwich/fruit & veggie/cheese trays, etc and don't need a whole ton of notice. If the store has a deli, you could incorporate salads, etc. Renting chairs & tables may be necessary. Look outside standard rental companies for this. My parents' friends own a bowling alley that hosts birthday parties and we've used their tables & chairs for a ton of parties at my parents' house. Friends or family might also have card tables & chairs you could borrow (pick them up before the day of!). 

And congratulations and the engagement & pregnancy!

ETA: words

CMGragain

Please do not make your kids participate in vows to your fiancee.  It is not the time or place for this.  The ceremony unites the two of you, not the children.  I come from a family of multiple divorces.  Thank God I never said any vows to anyone except my own husband.

short+sassy

If it were me, I'd just have my kids stand up with me during the ceremony, ie BMs and GMs.  @ahoywedding gave great advice for lower cost, casual food.

My own wedding/reception was small (35 guests) and in my mom's backyard/patio.  We had the food catered from a restaurant.  Basically they came, set everything up on tables we had ready for them, and left.  From there, it was a buffet "serve yourself" style.  We also had various fruit and veggie trays, that kind of thing, from Costco.  We had coolers with various drinks, beer, and wine.

The restaurant also brought one of their signature cocktails in a drink dispenser.  I think the restaurant with the food and the signature cocktail was $25ish per person.  I'm guessing less than $1,000 for the restaurant food/drink, though my mom arranged it.  And I'm sure we could have found cheaper options also.  We just especially liked this restaurant.

We got two different cakes from a bakery.  I forget how many people each one fed, but it was less than $100 total.  You can get even cheaper with a large sheet cake.

Backyard BBQ would be another good, casual option.

One last note, keep in mind that what your planning in a few weeks IS the wedding.  A wedding is when two people get married.  Period.  Whatever you are planning in Nov. 2018, if you all even still want to do anything, will be a party.  You can call it a "Celebration of Marriage" party, if you want.  But it isn't a wedding.  It can't be, unless you all got divorced in the meantime, lol.

With that in mind, it can largely be a great party similar to a wedding reception, but there are a few caveats.  No ceremony/vow renewal/re-enactment.  Hence, no attendants.  No showers.  No bach. parties.  No "first" dance.  Though you and your wife can open the floor with a dance.  I feel like I'm missing some things, lol.

In a nutshell, if an element of the party sounds "silly" to do for people who are already married.  Then it is, so leave it out. 

levioosa

knottie278e28471ae49dd9 said:

Just looking for ideas to have a very brief thing at our house within the next few weeks.  We were going to have a wedding next November but found out my fiance is pregnant.  She was fine with just going to the courthouse but I have 3 children from a previous marriage and want to include them in some sort of small ceremony.  They are 5, 8 and 10 and are all on board with the wedding.  I would just like for them to know we were married before the baby is brought into the picture, hence why November 2018 is out of the window.

We were planning on doing some sort of housewarming party/very small ceremony at our house.  Has anyone done something like this before?  We're looking at no more than 30 people and it being very casual.  Again this is more about the kids than anything.  I want them to be present and be part of us becoming a family together and letting them feel involved in that process.

Just throwing it out there and see if anyone had seen something like this before.

Thanks

Your wedding (which is the ceremony and legal binding btw) should only be between you and your FI. If you choose to have a small ceremony at your house, that's your wedding. Ditto PPs about including your kids in the ceremony. It's not about them, it's about two consenting adults entering into marriage. And, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but your kids can do the math behind the date of the wedding and the delivery.