Etiquette

Gifts shipped not brought??

While waiting for one of my floral appointments I overheard a bride talking with the florists about how guests bringing gifts to the wedding is considered rude and gifts are supposed to be shipped to the address on the couples registry. 
Anyone heard of this??? 
Pretty sure if people choose to buy me gifts I'm not going to consider it rude because it was sent/brought to the wrong location!  

 

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Re: Gifts shipped not brought??

  • While waiting for one of my floral appointments I overheard a bride talking with the florists about how guests bringing gifts to the wedding is considered rude and gifts are supposed to be shipped to the address on the couples registry. 
    Anyone heard of this??? 
    Pretty sure if people choose to buy me gifts I'm not going to consider it rude because it was sent/brought to the wrong location!  
    This is one of those things that is tricky.

    Yes, it's technically rude to bring a gift to the reception.  The issue is that it can create a burden on ther couple who need to transport them.  

    BUT, that still means that when receiving a gift you say thank you and show the giver you're happy to receive it.  

    The issue is that transportation of the gifts can be an issue but FWIW, all weddings I've attended including my own had a gift table.  Most wedding day gifts though were in envelopes.  
    STARMOON44PrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks!! Just making sure I didn't miss something lol. Personally as a guest I think it's easier to have the gift shipped to the couples house. But I also think a wrapped gift looks nicer and shows extra effort. The weddings I've been to if I'm really close with the bride/groom I buy an actual gift. If I'm not as close I give money/gift card.
    As a bride, I'm fully appreciative of both.  

     

  • banana468 said:
    While waiting for one of my floral appointments I overheard a bride talking with the florists about how guests bringing gifts to the wedding is considered rude and gifts are supposed to be shipped to the address on the couples registry. 
    Anyone heard of this??? 
    Pretty sure if people choose to buy me gifts I'm not going to consider it rude because it was sent/brought to the wrong location!  
    This is one of those things that is tricky.

    Yes, it's technically rude to bring a gift to the reception.  The issue is that it can create a burden on ther couple who need to transport them.  

    BUT, that still means that when receiving a gift you say thank you and show the giver you're happy to receive it.  

    The issue is that transportation of the gifts can be an issue but FWIW, all weddings I've attended including my own had a gift table.  Most wedding day gifts though were in envelopes.  
    I don't think it's tricky at all.

    It's better to send gifts to the couple's home if you're getting it delivered somewhere anyway, but it's not rude to bring it to the reception - just like it's not necessary to shop online for a wedding gift! If it's considered technically rude, how should people who buy expensive liquor or wine, fine art, etc. for couples go about getting them to them? 
    Call them first?


  • Meh, I've never been to a reception where there are boxed gifts given so it may just be a social circle thing. That being said, the couple should have a way of getting gifts home.
    STARMOON44
  • I've always heard that it is rude to bring boxed gifts to a wedding reception, they should be shipped to the couple. I never never see people showing up with boxed gifts, you'd be very out of place. 
    KahluaKoalabanana468
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 23
    There used to be a "job of honor" (yuck!) where a friend was in charge of receiving the gifts at the wedding and putting them on a table for the couple (or the parents) to take home after the wedding.  I had to do this at my cousins wedding.
    No, it is not rude to bring gifts to the wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragain said:
    There used to be a "job of honor" (yuck!) where a friend was in charge of receiving the gifts at the wedding and putting them on a table for the couple (or the parents) to take home after the wedding.  I had to do this at my cousins wedding.
    No, it is not rude to bring gifts to the wedding.
    I think you are incorrect.   
    STARMOON44MyNameIsNot
  • Then we agree to disagree.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I have heard this too (that you shouldn't bring a gift to the reception), but I'm not sure where.

    It actually gave me a sigh of relief as I thought you HAD to bring it to the reception (as in it would look like we forgot if we gave the gift later), and it is actually easier for everyone to either ship it or bring it to the B&G at a different time (since one has a year to give a wedding gift).

    However, I cannot see EVER how giving a gift is RUDE. A gift is never to be expected, so receiving a gift should always be a pleasant surprise.
    MobKazJediElizabethInLoveInQueensnightnerd
  • SP29 said:
    I have heard this too (that you shouldn't bring a gift to the reception), but I'm not sure where.

    It actually gave me a sigh of relief as I thought you HAD to bring it to the reception (as in it would look like we forgot if we gave the gift later), and it is actually easier for everyone to either ship it or bring it to the B&G at a different time (since one has a year to give a wedding gift).

    However, I cannot see EVER how giving a gift is RUDE. A gift is never to be expected, so receiving a gift should always be a pleasant surprise.
    IMO, it's not the act of giving the gift that's rude.  It's the act of bringing it to the reception.  

    Of course you should accept a gift graciously.   But as a giver, if it's not in an envelope then you should try to see what you can do to help the bride and groom avoid having the extra things to transport.  
    STARMOON44
  • Maybe rude is the wrong word.    I think it's ill advised.  

    Cards take up less space.   If every person at our wedding reception who gave a card brought a boxed gift instead we could have been faced with needing at least 1-2 additional vehicles to transport them.  As it was we used our car for our luggage and my parents for the gifts.  Our vehicle was packed the following day.  If we had additional car loads of gifts to get back home it would have been a process.  

    A gift should be received graciously by the recipients.

    The gift givers should think about how the couple may need to get the gift home when giving it.  


    JediElizabethSTARMOON44redoryxSP29
  • I can agree with that.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    banana468 said:
    Maybe rude is the wrong word.    I think it's ill advised.  

    Cards take up less space.   If every person at our wedding reception who gave a card brought a boxed gift instead we could have been faced with needing at least 1-2 additional vehicles to transport them.  As it was we used our car for our luggage and my parents for the gifts.  Our vehicle was packed the following day.  If we had additional car loads of gifts to get back home it would have been a process.  

    A gift should be received graciously by the recipients.

    The gift givers should think about how the couple may need to get the gift home when giving it.  


    Please understand, @banana468, I do not disagree with your points, and am not taking issue with you.    I'm quite honestly not even sure why I am harping on this issue, as I have personally never brought a gift to a wedding reception. 

    I think that, for the most part, wedding gifts = cards.  For some reason, boxed gifts are quite popular at the Wisconsin weddings we attend.

    However, I keep going back to showers that involve brides from OOT.  Yes, I have a strategy for making sure my shower gift is as convenient and easy for an OOT bride to transport.   However, the party line response is always, "Have a plan, of which there are several, for getting your gifts back to your hometown." I just think the same philosophy applies to the gifts brought to a wedding. 

    I agree that it is ill advised to bring boxed gifts to a reception, particularly because the bride and groom may not even be returning to their home that night.  I also agree that the gift giver should think about how the couple will transport the gift home.  But the bride and groom need to have a plan as well.
    SP29
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 24
    MobKaz said:
    banana468 said:
    SP29 said:
    I have heard this too (that you shouldn't bring a gift to the reception), but I'm not sure where.

    It actually gave me a sigh of relief as I thought you HAD to bring it to the reception (as in it would look like we forgot if we gave the gift later), and it is actually easier for everyone to either ship it or bring it to the B&G at a different time (since one has a year to give a wedding gift).

    However, I cannot see EVER how giving a gift is RUDE. A gift is never to be expected, so receiving a gift should always be a pleasant surprise.
    IMO, it's not the act of giving the gift that's rude.  It's the act of bringing it to the reception.  

    Of course you should accept a gift graciously.   But as a giver, if it's not in an envelope then you should try to see what you can do to help the bride and groom avoid having the extra things to transport.  
    Totally owning playing devil's advocate and being a bit of a brat at the moment....why not just mail the card since it is already in the envelope?  To me, it is the responsibility behind the gift, and not the actual "relocation" of the gift.  I would think a boatload of cards which hold checks and cash carry a bigger burden.  As I said earlier, a gift is a gift.  Other than easier to transport as well as easier to lose, cards need transport just as much as gifts.

    Double devil's advocate......both my DD and DS had reception items such as decor, flowers, left over unopened wine, etc. that required packing and transporting.  How big of a deal is it to add a few boxed gifts to the mix?

    Do I recommend bringing a boxed gift?  No.  Have I ever done it?  No.  Is it rude?  No.
    You think a stack of envelopes is exactly as difficult to deal with as a toaster, a blender, three sets of wine glasses, and a box full of flatware?

    thats not playing devils advocate, that's just making up a fantasy world to argue about. "Other than easier to transport" is like saying "ignoring the entire reason this is an issue, it's totes fine."
    banana468
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Yes, old-school etiquette says that it's rude to bring a gift to a wedding.  It should be sent to the couple's house before or after the wedding.



    STARMOON44
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Viczaesar said:
    Yes, old-school etiquette says that it's rude to bring a gift to a wedding.  It should be sent to the couple's house before or after the wedding.
    I'm "old-school" and never heard this until recently (last 5 years or so). I don't usually bring a boxed gift but send a gift via the registry. Before the internet, I always saw tons of boxed gifts at weddings. At my own (34 years ago), we received many gifts at the wedding - our parents took them with them after the wedding. I realize that today many weddings aren't in the newlyweds' home town so that wouldn't be practical.
    MobKazcharlotte989875sparklepants41
  • Viczaesar said:
    Yes, old-school etiquette says that it's rude to bring a gift to a wedding.  It should be sent to the couple's house before or after the wedding.
    I'm "old-school" and never heard this until recently (last 5 years or so). I don't usually bring a boxed gift but send a gift via the registry. Before the internet, I always saw tons of boxed gifts at weddings. At my own (34 years ago), we received many gifts at the wedding - our parents took them with them after the wedding. I realize that today many weddings aren't in the newlyweds' home town so that wouldn't be practical.
    My mom told me this rule long before I was ever on TK.  
    STARMOON44
  • MobKaz said:
    banana468 said:
    Maybe rude is the wrong word.    I think it's ill advised.  

    Cards take up less space.   If every person at our wedding reception who gave a card brought a boxed gift instead we could have been faced with needing at least 1-2 additional vehicles to transport them.  As it was we used our car for our luggage and my parents for the gifts.  Our vehicle was packed the following day.  If we had additional car loads of gifts to get back home it would have been a process.  

    A gift should be received graciously by the recipients.

    The gift givers should think about how the couple may need to get the gift home when giving it.  


    Please understand, @banana468, I do not disagree with your points, and am not taking issue with you.    I'm quite honestly not even sure why I am harping on this issue, as I have personally never brought a gift to a wedding reception. 

    I think that, for the most part, wedding gifts = cards.  For some reason, boxed gifts are quite popular at the Wisconsin weddings we attend.

    However, I keep going back to showers that involve brides from OOT.  Yes, I have a strategy for making sure my shower gift is as convenient and easy for an OOT bride to transport.   However, the party line response is always, "Have a plan, of which there are several, for getting your gifts back to your hometown." I just think the same philosophy applies to the gifts brought to a wedding. 

    I agree that it is ill advised to bring boxed gifts to a reception, particularly because the bride and groom may not even be returning to their home that night.  I also agree that the gift giver should think about how the couple will transport the gift home.  But the bride and groom need to have a plan as well.
    I do agree with you.   But the comparison of the shower to a wedding with gifts is a bit apples and oranges.   Showers are specific gift giving occasions.   The entire point of the occasion IS to give a gift to the engaged (or expectant parent) and to watch that person open said gifts.  The gifts are a focal point of the event.

    There is no gift opening at a wedding reception.  The entire event occurs and any gifts that are given are off to the side.  
    STARMOON44Viczaesar
  • I used to always bring a boxed gift to the reception (maybe because I grew up in Wisconsin haha @MobKaz ;) ). At our wedding, we got a good number of boxed gifts, but we had kind of planned for that space-wise so we were okay. It did make me re-think the whole idea of bringing a gift to the reception though, and I don't think I'll do that going forward. It also made me feel bad about all those weddings in my early 20s when we'd buy something huge on the registry (like the comforter) because we thought that "looked" better, and then brought that giant package to the wedding lol. 

    We also got a bunch of gifts shipped to our house before the wedding, and I guess that's not any extra work if you're shopping online anyway. I always thought it was rude to ship things ahead of time, like if you shop online and have the gift delivered to the couple's home, maybe because it wouldn't be wrapped or something? But I was surprised I didn't personally find it rude when we got gifts that way. 
    charlotte989875MobKaznightnerd
  • I'm actually surprised no one has does this yet, so I went and checked Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding and she says "....Wedding presents -- properly sent to the bride's home before the wedding or to the couple's home afterward -- are a nuisance when brought to the event, where no one has time to deal with them and there is a danger of their being lost, the cards disappearing or, Miss Manners regrets to say, the packages being stolen."

    She goes on to say in another letter that "When the bride's parents were likely to be receiving, and perhaps even holding the wedding at home, presents were displayed on tables covered by white damasak clothes with, or more discreetly, without, the cards of donors" as "etiquette did used to sanction the display of wedding presents."

    So it seems like maybe the old tradition of boxed gifts brought to the bride's parents' home (where, in many instances, she had been living prior to marriage) has been transferred to the more contemporary trend of weddings at other venues. 

    I can't remember a wedding I went to where there weren't at least some boxed gifts brought by guests. And you'll note in the very top portion she does advocate even sending cards to the house, not taken to the reception either. 
    image
    STARMOON44SP29charlotte989875MyNameIsNot
  • redoryx said:
    I'm actually surprised no one has does this yet, so I went and checked Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding and she says "....Wedding presents -- properly sent to the bride's home before the wedding or to the couple's home afterward -- are a nuisance when brought to the event, where no one has time to deal with them and there is a danger of their being lost, the cards disappearing or, Miss Manners regrets to say, the packages being stolen."

    She goes on to say in another letter that "When the bride's parents were likely to be receiving, and perhaps even holding the wedding at home, presents were displayed on tables covered by white damasak clothes with, or more discreetly, without, the cards of donors" as "etiquette did used to sanction the display of wedding presents."

    So it seems like maybe the old tradition of boxed gifts brought to the bride's parents' home (where, in many instances, she had been living prior to marriage) has been transferred to the more contemporary trend of weddings at other venues. 

    I can't remember a wedding I went to where there weren't at least some boxed gifts brought by guests. And you'll note in the very top portion she does advocate even sending cards to the house, not taken to the reception either. 
    That's why I'm so confused by people arguing this is some new-fangled rule!
    redoryx
  • redoryx said:
    I'm actually surprised no one has does this yet, so I went and checked Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding and she says "....Wedding presents -- properly sent to the bride's home before the wedding or to the couple's home afterward -- are a nuisance when brought to the event, where no one has time to deal with them and there is a danger of their being lost, the cards disappearing or, Miss Manners regrets to say, the packages being stolen."

    She goes on to say in another letter that "When the bride's parents were likely to be receiving, and perhaps even holding the wedding at home, presents were displayed on tables covered by white damasak clothes with, or more discreetly, without, the cards of donors" as "etiquette did used to sanction the display of wedding presents."

    So it seems like maybe the old tradition of boxed gifts brought to the bride's parents' home (where, in many instances, she had been living prior to marriage) has been transferred to the more contemporary trend of weddings at other venues. 

    I can't remember a wedding I went to where there weren't at least some boxed gifts brought by guests. And you'll note in the very top portion she does advocate even sending cards to the house, not taken to the reception either. 
    That's why I'm so confused by people arguing this is some new-fangled rule!
    Me too!  Especially when stated by someone who loves to quote Miss Manners!!  


    ahoyweddingredoryxViczaesar
  • banana468 said:
    redoryx said:
    I'm actually surprised no one has does this yet, so I went and checked Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding and she says "....Wedding presents -- properly sent to the bride's home before the wedding or to the couple's home afterward -- are a nuisance when brought to the event, where no one has time to deal with them and there is a danger of their being lost, the cards disappearing or, Miss Manners regrets to say, the packages being stolen."

    She goes on to say in another letter that "When the bride's parents were likely to be receiving, and perhaps even holding the wedding at home, presents were displayed on tables covered by white damasak clothes with, or more discreetly, without, the cards of donors" as "etiquette did used to sanction the display of wedding presents."

    So it seems like maybe the old tradition of boxed gifts brought to the bride's parents' home (where, in many instances, she had been living prior to marriage) has been transferred to the more contemporary trend of weddings at other venues. 

    I can't remember a wedding I went to where there weren't at least some boxed gifts brought by guests. And you'll note in the very top portion she does advocate even sending cards to the house, not taken to the reception either. 
    That's why I'm so confused by people arguing this is some new-fangled rule!
    Me too!  Especially when stated by someone who loves to quote Miss Manners!!  


    That had me SO confused. 
    image
    banana468
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Okay, then, if Miss Manners says it's rude to bring gifts to the wedding, who am I to argue? I thought the 'no boxed gifts' was more of a common sense thing, than an etiquette thing. Now I know.

    At my daughter's wedding, there were about a dozen boxed gifts, which the venue staff had placed on a cart in the bridal suite. No one, around here, brings boxed gifts to weddings, so that was a surprise. The B & G were staying at a hotel a block away from the reception, so it would be inconvenient for them to take the gifts. Fortunately, we had hired a twelve passenger shuttle for eight passengers so we had just enough room to take those gifts home. It was a PITA at the end of the reception to carry cargo. 
                
    charlotte989875
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