Wedding Woes

You know the answer or you wouldn't be asking the question

Dear Prudence,
I’ve very quickly become close with a married friend in a troubled relationship. I’ve been responsible in how I’ve behaved, but I have feelings for him. He hasn’t made a move, and I don’t think he would, but our dynamic feels like if he weren’t married we would absolutely be moving toward being together already. So I’m trying to figure out: What are my obligations? I care deeply about our friendship and don’t want to ruin it or pull away from it.

—Is It an Emotional Affair?

Re: You know the answer or you wouldn't be asking the question

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Keep the friendship strictly platonic.  If at some point, the marriage of the friend formally ends and you both want to pursue something, the do it.
    mrsconn23short+sassyeileenrobOurWildKingdom
  • But he is married, so thinking about would happen if he wasn't is pointless. You know what you're doing, so if you want to have an affair with a married man, that's on you. 
    short+sassy
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    yeah, Prudie's not going to tell you to go forth in this.

  • I think we all journey into the "what if" world now and again, though not necessarily in regards to romantic relationships.

    But she needs to get a grip!  Nothing is happening right now nor should it.  Nor will it probably ever.  The "what ifs" will drive her crazy and she needs to shut them down until, maybe, he gets divorced at some point. 

    My "if only" for the day.  If only I'd spent a summer in college backpacking through Europe, I feel like I'd be a famous travel writer by now.  Sure.  Okay.  Maybe.  But unlikely, lol. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OurWildKingdom
  • I've been on one-side of this, and it's not good regardless. You don't want to be the person to ruin a marriage.

    Walk away. If the marriage ends and they return to you, that's different.
  • A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
    You have some big hang ups on trust and cheating.  It might be in your best interest to understand why that is.  May I suggest some counseling?
    mrsconn23
  • A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
    You have some big hang ups on trust and cheating.  It might be in your best interest to understand why that is.  May I suggest some counseling?
    Also, may I suggest a wedding website is not the site to continuously discuss how "married men have flings"? Or make sweeping generalizations? 
    image
    CharmedPamOliveOilsMomshort+sassy
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