This person has to have the most patient GF and therapist
I have a girlfriend I love very much. I have moderate depression and anxiety, and she has supported me for the entirety of our relationship; she’s a really excellent partner and person. We technically have an open relationship, but neither of us has acted on it yet, so we talk a lot about how we’re feeling and any worries we have. I’ve never had this kind of “check-in” before, and it feels great.
I also have three fantastic housemates, two of whom are in a couple. Before they started dating (also before I started dating my current partner), I had really strong feelings for one of them and had to work through a lot of sadness and jealousy when I heard about their relationship. Recently my feelings have resurfaced in full force, along with some feelings for the other half of the couple. I am often hit with waves of sadness and/or jealousy when I see them together, even if we’re all hanging out. Sometimes I think about what it would have looked like if I’d ended up with the friend I first liked, but mostly now it’s more wanting to be part of the couple, too—wanting to be around them, be together, be included (and yes, I’d really like to kiss both of them!).
I’ve spoken to my girlfriend about this a few times—not because I think anything is likely to happen, but because the feelings are overwhelming and I don’t want to feel like I’m keeping something from her. She’s been very supportive, and we’ve also talked about how it makes her feel (it doesn’t change the way I feel for her, I’m not going to act on anything without talking it over with her, etc.). I have a therapist, too, and I’ve brought it up there, because it’s taking up a lot of mental energy right now, energy I don’t have. It’s so hard to live with these feelings, but this is the best home I’ve had as an adult by a mile, and I desperately don’t want to lose it. Nor do I want to tell them and risk making a friendship very, very weird. And there’s only so many times I can talk about it with my therapist without getting bored of the sound of my own voice! Sometimes I think I don’t want it to go away, anyway; I don’t always have a lot of feelings with depression, so there’s something nice about having these intense emotions, even if they’re hard to handle.
What’s my move here? Is there one?
—Gay and Tired