Wedding Woes

I am so confused by this letter.

Dear Prudence,

My family is not well-off and neither am I. My parents always try to help me where they can because they feel guilty that they couldn’t give me a better financial start in life, which has never been something I held against them. My sister recently had a baby, and I came up to visit and help ferry my mom, who dislikes driving, to and from the hospital. My last morning here, my dad got up early and took my car to get gas.

I came downstairs afterward, and my car keys were on the table with one or two 20-dollar bills folded underneath them. I assumed this was the money they’d offered me to help pay for my sister’s shower. I left it there, but when I came back less than an hour later, it was gone. My mom and I were the only two people in the house. I didn’t say anything because what if I was wrong and I accused my mom of taking money meant for me? But Prudie, I don’t think I am wrong.

I think my sister would tell me to let it go, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s not the money itself, I’m fine without it, it’s that my mom would do that. She’s never given me any reason not to trust her. I know things are hard for them, but my mother doesn’t pay the bills or do the grocery shopping. If she took the money, it wasn’t to help them out financially. If my dad knew, this would ruin things between them. I don’t want that, but I’m devastated by the idea that I can’t trust my mom.


Re: I am so confused by this letter.

  • Exactly.  She's making a lot of assumptions here.   Over $40.   Leave it alone

  • I understand why the LW is bothered.  But, as other PPs have pointed out, there can be a lot of other explanations.

    She needs to just let it go.

    The only way I would bring it up is if my father specifically said something about the money. 

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    There could be so many different explanations for this. It's interesting that LW went right for "My mom stole the money!"

  • Either address it or let it go. FFS. 

    If you address it: "Mom, you and I were the only people in the house when I left $40 on the counter. I went upstairs to pee and when I came back downstairs the money was gone. I understand it may have seemed like it was left out for you and I wanted to see if you took it, thinking that." Give her a safe avenue to fess up and if she doesn't, well don't leave $40 lying around when your mom is in the house. 

  • Right "Hey mom, I saw there was $40 on the table here and assumed it was dad paying me for the shower, was it something else?" and see where it goes. Doesn't have to be a huge accusation.

    I feel like there's an unspoken concern here, like LW thinks the mom has a secret spending habit (drugs?). Or else she wouldn't have jumped to this conclusion.
  • Why didn't she just take the money to begin with????
  • I don't get this at all. But months later LW just sounds ridiculous. 
  • "I left $40 here, did you see it?" Simple.
    Mom says she doesn't know? Drop it.
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