The BIG question, how to politely put Adults only

25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
edited October 2017 in Etiquette
To start off, I know it is unpopular for people to request Adult only affairs, however I have such a large family (50 plus 1st cousins all with 3 plus children under the age of 10, not even including his family or the rest of mine) and  We also prefer 18 plus weddings. 

I will not include it on the save the date or invite. I will include who it is addressed to and how many seats are reserved on the invite.

I am putting it on the website, and including a section for recommendations on where to find a sitter. So without further ado , does this sound ok?

​"While we love love love the kiddos, we respectfully request this be an adults only affair.

If you do bring the children  please kindly  leave them at the hotel/cabin/accommodation with a sitter. or SitterCity are always great options to find a sitter for the night of the event. Additionally,  bringing a sitter with you is always an option as well. 

 There are some great child friendly activities in the area for the hours before the ceremony and reception which should tucker them out for the night. 

We  sincerely apologise for any inconveniences or offence this may cause and hope you can still make it for a night of fun and celebration! "

I kind of feel like "bringing a sitter with you" sounds bad

Thanks in advance everyone! 

Edit: I have removed it from the website and am just going to stick to keeping it on the invite. Unfortunately the area I'm getting married in I do not know babysitter. So if they ask for a rec I will just have to try to find one via my venue. 

Best Answers

Re: The BIG question, how to politely put Adults only

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
     It is perfectly appropriate to host an adult only event.  However, the hosts have to expect some declines as a result, as well as the possibility of some hurt feelings.

    I am not sure I agree that posting something on your website is necessary or appropriate.  If I were traveling OOT to attend your wedding, I don't think I would bring my children with only to leave them in a hotel.

    Invite your adult guests by addressing your invitations clearly and properly.  If you have a family that has an 18 year old as well as younger siblings, I do not think it is appropriate to include only the 18 year old on the invitation.

  • Thanks All! I am adjusting it now, I don't think it should be a problem because all the weddings I have been to in my family have been either 10 and up or 21 and up. 
  • No one needs you to recommend or explain how to bring a sitter with you. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2017
    Unfortunately, the only polite way to not invite the kids is to leave their names off the invitation envelopes. If someone asks you about sitters, you can provide that information, but only if they ask first.
  • Everything was good until your plans for your website. Don't include "adults only".  

    It WILL be helpful for people to have this information before invites go out, especially if they are traveling for the event. Do you have gossipy relatives? Let them know the event is child-free and word will naturally spread. Or maybe your mom/dad can talk to their relatives with kids who are potentially traveling to give them a verbal heads up.

  • I would leave out everything you have planned for the website. The most I would do is on the accommodations or logistics pages is put a sentence along the lines of "If you're looking for a local babysitter, please let us  know if you'd like any recommendations", assuming of course you have some recommendations beyond the internet.  
  • Commit and stand by your decision unapologetically, no additional explanation on your website and word of mouth than "Adults 18+ only"...  The message reaction I get is "I'm glad you find it easy to leave other people's kids in the care of a complete stranger at the hotel", but it just comes off wrong the way it's written even though that's not your intent.  
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