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What to do with my engagement ring?

CMGragainCMGragain
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edited October 13 in Chit Chat
I have worn my solitaire 3/4 ct. diamond for almost 42 years.  I don't plan to be buried with it.  Any ideas of what to do with it afterwards?

My daughter has a stunning engagement ring of her own, and will inherit a shitload of fine jewelry that I have collected over the years.  (I love jewelry!)

My husband is not a jewelry person, but has worn his plain gold band since 1976.  He was supposed to inherit a large, 2+ carat men's ring from his father, but Grandad sold it and spent the money without telling anyone.  (It was not his diamond to sell.  It belonged to late MIL, but she forgot to put it in her will.  We were all told what she wanted to do with it.)

I am considering willing it to my 35 year old son, who does like rings, as a replacement for the family heirloom.  Problem:  He is not in a good relationship with anyone, and I don't want it to go to a random (married) girlfriend.  (OK.  I don't get "polyamorous" and I never will.)

Daughter will not have more grandchildren.  She has two darling boys, who may not even remember me.
No way does it go to DH's second wife after I am gone!

Suggestions?
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Re: What to do with my engagement ring?

  • Could it be left for one of the grandbabies to use when they decide to propose? Maybe it could be placed in your daughter's care with this future use in mind. I don't know that their memory of you would make it any less special. We named my DD after my great grandmother, whom I wasn't lucky enough to meet, but I've heard others talk about how wonderful and lovely she was. The name still means so much to me, I'm sure the ring would mean the same to your grandson if he got to propose with it.
    OurWildKingdomSP29MairePoppy
  • Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 13
    ernursej said:
    Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    The idea sounds good, but have you ever tried to sell a diamond?  Not easy!  I cringe when I think what Grandad must have accepted for the family heirloom.  We would have doubled whatever offer he took!  I won't be around to help with the deal, either, and I am the go-to jewelry person in the family.  Daughter will inherit some really impressive pieces from me already.  I'm going to give her some of the stuff I don't wear much when she visits next week.  I'm keeping the pearls for later, though!  ;)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I second giving the ring to your daughter to hold for a grandson. I inherited my grandmother's wedding ring. She passed when I was four. It was not a typical wedding ring so I wore it all the time starting when I was in high school. It meant a lot to me. I had heard tons of stories about her from my mom, aunts and cousins plus seeing pictures of her with me when I was young. It is a special momento. DD has it now.
  • Ditto give it to your daughter. She could give it to one of her sons to propose or keep it for herself and maybe wear it on a necklace. I have a few cousins who were pretty young when our grandparents passed, and they still have fond memories of them, plus they've heard all the stories.

    My FIL had only brothers, and he had only sons but he still somehow ended up with his mother's diamond ring. When H & I got engaged, his mom gave me his grandmother's ring. It had a nice stone, but the band was totally misshapen and couldn't be used. We took the ring to a jewelry store and had the stone reset.  If the band would have been usable, we would have just asked them to clean it up. 
  • Would your son wear it if it were set in a more masculine style? I think I would offer to have it redesigned for him. If he declines, offer it to your daughter to hold for one of her sons to possibly propose with.

    That said, once you give it away, remember that you no longer get to control what happens to it. If your son has someone he wants to give it to, that will be his choice.
    image
    banana468eileenrobernursejcharlotte989875
  • Even though none of my mum's jewelry is my style {colour and type}, I am inevitably inheriting everything.

    I am keeping it, but I'm debating on taking some of the rings {she has a lot also} and turning it into a beautiful necklace. Or just holding on to it for sentimental purposes.
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  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    The idea of having the ring re-designed for your son, if he would wear it, is a good one.

    Otherwise, I would give it to your daughter. She can wear it as a right-hand ring (Even though I have my own beautiful e-ring, I would still treasure an engagement ring that belonged to my grandmothers or Mom), or have it re-designed for herself is some way. Or, down the road, she can decide to give it to one of her sons to propose with.
  • It's up to you but I'd personally give it to your daughter.   

    From your posts it sounds like you and your daughter are very similar and she may have the same sentimental feelings about jewelry.  

    If you think your son won't feel the same way then I'll advise you to think about something else that he may appreciate.   As @artbyallie said, you can't control what anyone does with that ring once it's been given so perhaps think of it as staying with your daughter until she decides what's appropriate. 
  • Ditto giving it to your daughter.  More for her than for one of the grandsons.  I have an e-ring from my H, but on days I'm really missing my favorite aunt (she passed 10 years ago this coming Tuesday) it is nice having some of the jewelry I know she wore a lot to feel her presence.
    SP29
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    From what you have shared throughout the years, you seem to trust your daughter's judgement. I think she will honor your memory in the best way possible. Ask her to keep the ring safe and pass it on to a grandchild to use for his engagement. Since you have two grandsons, it would be nice to include a second piece of jewelry for the other grandson to present to his fi as a wedding gift - maybe those pearls when you're done with them or earrings? Whether or not they will remember you, they will know you loved them and were thinking about their future. 
                
    downtondivaahoyweddingcharlotte989875SP29
  • Agree about giving the ring to your daughter for one of the grandsons. My Hs grandma gave her ring to his mother and she gave it to my H who used the stone for my e-ring. The fact that his family loves me enough to pass on a family stone to me speaks volumes and I will pass the stone on to our child(ren) / their kids when the time comes. I don't know what the original ring looked like- if I would have liked the setting, but maybe your grandson will have an FI who loves antique looking rings and will take the ring as is, or will change the setting and keep the stone. 
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    ahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • CMGragain said:
    ernursej said:
    Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    The idea sounds good, but have you ever tried to sell a diamond?  Not easy!  I cringe when I think what Grandad must have accepted for the family heirloom.  We would have doubled whatever offer he took!  I won't be around to help with the deal, either, and I am the go-to jewelry person in the family.  Daughter will inherit some really impressive pieces from me already.  I'm going to give her some of the stuff I don't wear much when she visits next week.  I'm keeping the pearls for later, though!  ;)
    Yes, actually! That was why I suggested it. If you get it appraised ahead of time and go to a reputable diamond buyer, you should be able to get up to 90% of the value of the diamond (not the band). When my Gran died, I received the majority of her jewelry as my cousins and aunts were not into that. There were a few pieces that I kept as is (they are exquisite) but the rest I sold. I then took the money and bought a beautiful necklace that I wear at least once a week. Both my aunts and cousins preapproved of the process and my cousins received some of my share of her money that was being split among us to make it fair.
    charlotte989875
  • Leave it to your daughter. It's a meaningful gift. She may want to wear it some day, or have it reset, or give it to one of her children. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited October 15
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    CMGragain said:
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    I think it is rational, but the attachment is not necessarily to the items of value. 

    I have a cabinet filled with my mom's Limoges china and Waterford crystal.  Even I stopped bringing it out for holidays because it is such a PITA to clean and store after usage.  The silver has not been used in decades, save for a few serving pieces.  I have a bag filled with silver spoons as well.  All have been appraised.  No one wants any of the stuff, and yet it feels awkward to sell it.  I keep telling myself I should sell it all and use it for a big family vacation or something.

    When my siblings and I sorted through my folks items, we took things we liked and/or wanted.  Only after donating things did we find an appraisal booklet.  It listed SEVERAL expensive items that ended up at Goodwill.  We had no attachment to them prior to knowing their value; and it really didn't matter once we did. 

    My mom passed 21 years ago.  I still have a magnet on my refrigerator that used to cling to hers.  It has ZERO monetary value, but makes me smile whenever I notice it.  I have several other items that serve as a reminder of them, or an event, or a simple memory.  The value is real....to me.

    Many millenials, my two included, have no interest in these things.  Neither have a china cabinet.  They don't want the hassle of storing the items.  Most are not dishwasher safe, and therefore a time consuming hassle to clean. 

    I get it.  I have a whole lot of purging to do myself.  Sigh.
    CMGragainILoveBeachMusic
  • Man I wish there were a matching service for people with too much China and silver and those of us old fashioned young-uns who have none!
    MairePoppycharlotte989875
  • MobKaz said:
    CMGragain said:
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    I think it is rational, but the attachment is not necessarily to the items of value. 

    I have a cabinet filled with my mom's Limoges china and Waterford crystal.  Even I stopped bringing it out for holidays because it is such a PITA to clean and store after usage.  The silver has not been used in decades, save for a few serving pieces.  I have a bag filled with silver spoons as well.  All have been appraised.  No one wants any of the stuff, and yet it feels awkward to sell it.  I keep telling myself I should sell it all and use it for a big family vacation or something.

    When my siblings and I sorted through my folks items, we took things we liked and/or wanted.  Only after donating things did we find an appraisal booklet.  It listed SEVERAL expensive items that ended up at Goodwill.  We had no attachment to them prior to knowing their value; and it really didn't matter once we did. 

    My mom passed 21 years ago.  I still have a magnet on my refrigerator that used to cling to hers.  It has ZERO monetary value, but makes me smile whenever I notice it.  I have several other items that serve as a reminder of them, or an event, or a simple memory.  The value is real....to me.

    Many millenials, my two included, have no interest in these things.  Neither have a china cabinet.  They don't want the hassle of storing the items.  Most are not dishwasher safe, and therefore a time consuming hassle to clean. 

    I get it.  I have a whole lot of purging to do myself.  Sigh.
    All of this. When my grandparents passed, they didn't have much of monetary value, but all of us grandkids fought over the silliest things (magnets, juice pitcher, napkin holder...seriously) because that's what reminded us of who our grandparents WERE. I have magnets on our fridge that I'm pretty sure they got free in a cereal box but they remind me of all of the fun times we had at my grandparents' house. My sisters and I have said the same thing about our parents' stuff. We could take or leave any money we'd get from them, but we all have inexpensive nostalgic things we want to hang onto. Whether something holds emotional or monetary value doesn't really matter; it matters how we feel about it. 

    @CMGragain from what you've mentioned about your daughter, it seems like she would appreciate your ring. Even if she doesn't wear it all the time, it would hold fond memories for her. 
    MobKazSP29
  • Man I wish there were a matching service for people with too much China and silver and those of us old fashioned young-uns who have none!
    Same!

    Also @CMGragain our wedding China is wedgewood, and I love it. The salad plates have dragons on them. 
    SP29CMGragain
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited 12:12AM
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • CMGragain said:
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    That's a really sweet pattern!
  • CMGragain said:
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    That's a lovely pattern. 

    Mine is Renaissance Gold. 
    OurWildKingdom
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