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What to do with my engagement ring?

CMGragainCMGragain
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edited October 13 in Chit Chat
I have worn my solitaire 3/4 ct. diamond for almost 42 years.  I don't plan to be buried with it.  Any ideas of what to do with it afterwards?

My daughter has a stunning engagement ring of her own, and will inherit a shitload of fine jewelry that I have collected over the years.  (I love jewelry!)

My husband is not a jewelry person, but has worn his plain gold band since 1976.  He was supposed to inherit a large, 2+ carat men's ring from his father, but Grandad sold it and spent the money without telling anyone.  (It was not his diamond to sell.  It belonged to late MIL, but she forgot to put it in her will.  We were all told what she wanted to do with it.)

I am considering willing it to my 35 year old son, who does like rings, as a replacement for the family heirloom.  Problem:  He is not in a good relationship with anyone, and I don't want it to go to a random (married) girlfriend.  (OK.  I don't get "polyamorous" and I never will.)

Daughter will not have more grandchildren.  She has two darling boys, who may not even remember me.
No way does it go to DH's second wife after I am gone!

Suggestions?
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Re: What to do with my engagement ring?

  • Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited October 13
    ernursej said:
    Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    The idea sounds good, but have you ever tried to sell a diamond?  Not easy!  I cringe when I think what Grandad must have accepted for the family heirloom.  We would have doubled whatever offer he took!  I won't be around to help with the deal, either, and I am the go-to jewelry person in the family.  Daughter will inherit some really impressive pieces from me already.  I'm going to give her some of the stuff I don't wear much when she visits next week.  I'm keeping the pearls for later, though!  ;)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I second giving the ring to your daughter to hold for a grandson. I inherited my grandmother's wedding ring. She passed when I was four. It was not a typical wedding ring so I wore it all the time starting when I was in high school. It meant a lot to me. I had heard tons of stories about her from my mom, aunts and cousins plus seeing pictures of her with me when I was young. It is a special momento. DD has it now.
    short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • Ditto give it to your daughter. She could give it to one of her sons to propose or keep it for herself and maybe wear it on a necklace. I have a few cousins who were pretty young when our grandparents passed, and they still have fond memories of them, plus they've heard all the stories.

    My FIL had only brothers, and he had only sons but he still somehow ended up with his mother's diamond ring. When H & I got engaged, his mom gave me his grandmother's ring. It had a nice stone, but the band was totally misshapen and couldn't be used. We took the ring to a jewelry store and had the stone reset.  If the band would have been usable, we would have just asked them to clean it up. 
  • Even though none of my mum's jewelry is my style {colour and type}, I am inevitably inheriting everything.

    I am keeping it, but I'm debating on taking some of the rings {she has a lot also} and turning it into a beautiful necklace. Or just holding on to it for sentimental purposes.
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    The idea of having the ring re-designed for your son, if he would wear it, is a good one.

    Otherwise, I would give it to your daughter. She can wear it as a right-hand ring (Even though I have my own beautiful e-ring, I would still treasure an engagement ring that belonged to my grandmothers or Mom), or have it re-designed for herself is some way. Or, down the road, she can decide to give it to one of her sons to propose with.
  • It's up to you but I'd personally give it to your daughter.   

    From your posts it sounds like you and your daughter are very similar and she may have the same sentimental feelings about jewelry.  

    If you think your son won't feel the same way then I'll advise you to think about something else that he may appreciate.   As @artbyallie said, you can't control what anyone does with that ring once it's been given so perhaps think of it as staying with your daughter until she decides what's appropriate. 
  • Ditto giving it to your daughter.  More for her than for one of the grandsons.  I have an e-ring from my H, but on days I'm really missing my favorite aunt (she passed 10 years ago this coming Tuesday) it is nice having some of the jewelry I know she wore a lot to feel her presence.
    SP29
  • Agree about giving the ring to your daughter for one of the grandsons. My Hs grandma gave her ring to his mother and she gave it to my H who used the stone for my e-ring. The fact that his family loves me enough to pass on a family stone to me speaks volumes and I will pass the stone on to our child(ren) / their kids when the time comes. I don't know what the original ring looked like- if I would have liked the setting, but maybe your grandson will have an FI who loves antique looking rings and will take the ring as is, or will change the setting and keep the stone. 
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    ahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • CMGragain said:
    ernursej said:
    Ask your kids who would like it. Alternatively, you could get your H to sell it and then split the money between the two kids to get something to remember you by. That would be the most equitable. 
    The idea sounds good, but have you ever tried to sell a diamond?  Not easy!  I cringe when I think what Grandad must have accepted for the family heirloom.  We would have doubled whatever offer he took!  I won't be around to help with the deal, either, and I am the go-to jewelry person in the family.  Daughter will inherit some really impressive pieces from me already.  I'm going to give her some of the stuff I don't wear much when she visits next week.  I'm keeping the pearls for later, though!  ;)
    Yes, actually! That was why I suggested it. If you get it appraised ahead of time and go to a reputable diamond buyer, you should be able to get up to 90% of the value of the diamond (not the band). When my Gran died, I received the majority of her jewelry as my cousins and aunts were not into that. There were a few pieces that I kept as is (they are exquisite) but the rest I sold. I then took the money and bought a beautiful necklace that I wear at least once a week. Both my aunts and cousins preapproved of the process and my cousins received some of my share of her money that was being split among us to make it fair.
    charlotte989875
  • Leave it to your daughter. It's a meaningful gift. She may want to wear it some day, or have it reset, or give it to one of her children. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited October 15
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    CMGragain said:
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    I think it is rational, but the attachment is not necessarily to the items of value. 

    I have a cabinet filled with my mom's Limoges china and Waterford crystal.  Even I stopped bringing it out for holidays because it is such a PITA to clean and store after usage.  The silver has not been used in decades, save for a few serving pieces.  I have a bag filled with silver spoons as well.  All have been appraised.  No one wants any of the stuff, and yet it feels awkward to sell it.  I keep telling myself I should sell it all and use it for a big family vacation or something.

    When my siblings and I sorted through my folks items, we took things we liked and/or wanted.  Only after donating things did we find an appraisal booklet.  It listed SEVERAL expensive items that ended up at Goodwill.  We had no attachment to them prior to knowing their value; and it really didn't matter once we did. 

    My mom passed 21 years ago.  I still have a magnet on my refrigerator that used to cling to hers.  It has ZERO monetary value, but makes me smile whenever I notice it.  I have several other items that serve as a reminder of them, or an event, or a simple memory.  The value is real....to me.

    Many millenials, my two included, have no interest in these things.  Neither have a china cabinet.  They don't want the hassle of storing the items.  Most are not dishwasher safe, and therefore a time consuming hassle to clean. 

    I get it.  I have a whole lot of purging to do myself.  Sigh.
    CMGragainILoveBeachMusicshort+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • MobKaz said:
    CMGragain said:
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    I think it is rational, but the attachment is not necessarily to the items of value. 

    I have a cabinet filled with my mom's Limoges china and Waterford crystal.  Even I stopped bringing it out for holidays because it is such a PITA to clean and store after usage.  The silver has not been used in decades, save for a few serving pieces.  I have a bag filled with silver spoons as well.  All have been appraised.  No one wants any of the stuff, and yet it feels awkward to sell it.  I keep telling myself I should sell it all and use it for a big family vacation or something.

    When my siblings and I sorted through my folks items, we took things we liked and/or wanted.  Only after donating things did we find an appraisal booklet.  It listed SEVERAL expensive items that ended up at Goodwill.  We had no attachment to them prior to knowing their value; and it really didn't matter once we did. 

    My mom passed 21 years ago.  I still have a magnet on my refrigerator that used to cling to hers.  It has ZERO monetary value, but makes me smile whenever I notice it.  I have several other items that serve as a reminder of them, or an event, or a simple memory.  The value is real....to me.

    Many millenials, my two included, have no interest in these things.  Neither have a china cabinet.  They don't want the hassle of storing the items.  Most are not dishwasher safe, and therefore a time consuming hassle to clean. 

    I get it.  I have a whole lot of purging to do myself.  Sigh.
    All of this. When my grandparents passed, they didn't have much of monetary value, but all of us grandkids fought over the silliest things (magnets, juice pitcher, napkin holder...seriously) because that's what reminded us of who our grandparents WERE. I have magnets on our fridge that I'm pretty sure they got free in a cereal box but they remind me of all of the fun times we had at my grandparents' house. My sisters and I have said the same thing about our parents' stuff. We could take or leave any money we'd get from them, but we all have inexpensive nostalgic things we want to hang onto. Whether something holds emotional or monetary value doesn't really matter; it matters how we feel about it. 

    @CMGragain from what you've mentioned about your daughter, it seems like she would appreciate your ring. Even if she doesn't wear it all the time, it would hold fond memories for her. 
    MobKazSP29short+sassy
  • Man I wish there were a matching service for people with too much China and silver and those of us old fashioned young-uns who have none!
    Same!

    Also @CMGragain our wedding China is wedgewood, and I love it. The salad plates have dragons on them. 
    SP29CMGragain
  • CMGragain said:
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    That's a really sweet pattern!
  • CMGragain said:
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    That's a lovely pattern. 

    Mine is Renaissance Gold. 
    OurWildKingdomCMGragainshort+sassy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    @CMGragain, that is a lovely pattern. I would use it all the time! I'm a dish addict.
  • CMGragain said:
    Mine is the Wild Strawberry pattern that they have been making since 1965.  I always dreamed of family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas with the extended family.  No such luck.  Family is 2000+ miles away, and holiday travel is expensive and difficult.  Daughter and family are visiting this coming week, and I'm buying a turkey!  This might be my last chance to be "Grandma" at the dinner table.  I'm cleaning house like crazy!


    Son is visiting in November.  He just wants my lasagna.

    Daughter thinks my china is too "busy".  She has a full set of German china in a subdued pattern that I bought her at a garage sale for $7, and added a few pieces later.

    I love this pattern! It's so fun, you could use it all the time.

    We have some very hideous china from MIL's sister's MIL (or something). I don't even know how we ended up with it, but it's moved 3 times so far and has found a permanent home in our linen closet. 
    charlotte989875CMGragain
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited October 17
    I actually have three sets of fine dinnerware.  The Wedgwood is what I registered for as a bride.  35 years later, my grandmother wanted me to have her vintage Fostoria Century set.  It is 1940's clear glass - very fashionable for moderns in the '40s, but not dishwasher friendly.  I hate to sell it because it was important to her.

    I was also given a large set of Villeroy and Bosch Geranium, which I can put in the dishwasher.  Daughter doesn't like this pattern either.   My china closet is exploding.

    What we use everyday is our old Corelle Butterfly Gold from 1972.  DH doesn't care about pretty tables.  He is totally practical, and Corelle suits him.  I've given up.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    charlotte989875MairePoppy
  • I'm going to be another PP to chime in that your wedding set should be given to your daughter to pass along in the family to her sons.  This is a bit personal opinion, but I think a wedding set is one of the most meaningful heirlooms there is.  Even if it is just the stones reset into something else.

    My mom offered me her wedding ring set from my dad (he's passed) when my H and I were first talking seriously about getting married.  I accepted and it is currently my set.

    But I know from talking to her that it is very important the set is passed down to future generations.  At the present time, that would be my niece and nephew.  Who are both still children, but I have given instructions to everyone that I am not to be buried with that wedding set.  It is to go to my sister to pass down to one/both of her kids.

    My mom is also okay if the stones are used and reset into a different setting.

    In fact, my H and I have potential plans that...as those children get older...we might buy a new set for me and offer my mom's set to them.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    CMGragainSP29ahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • I would give it to your daughter, or redesign it into a nice necklace or personalized jewelry. 
  • i would love to leave my engagement ring to my grandbabies. It's a very sweetie thing in my mind.
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