Registering and Gifts

Future MIL is a registry kind of woman...

Future MIL is a registry kind of woman. 

I just KNOW she is going to ask why we don't have a registry specified on our wedding website. 

1. I came from a family who isn't really into gift giving (grew up poor, so it's not really how we show love). I'm kind of a laid back bride who would be grateful for gifts but sort of awkward about it. 

2. It's an out of state wedding, so I thought that by not including a registry, it would be an etiquette-friendly way of implying that we preferred a cards only (cash or no cash---it doesn't matter) wedding. Shipping would probably cost us a fortune. 

Am I doing MIL a disservice by not including a registry? Any brides out there who didn't do a registry? 

Any pointers on how to have that conversation when the time comes? She's pretty high strung at times. 

Alternatively, if you have any suggestions for language to include in the wedding website as to why we don't have a registry, I'd be appreciative. Although I understand if this is a bad idea... It's such a fine line with registries and etiquette and not being tacky. 

Re: Future MIL is a registry kind of woman...

  • Just because it's an out of state wedding doesn't mean you can't have a registry and would have to pay for shipping of any gifts - in this day and age, most people order off a registry and have it shipped to your home- so I don't really understand the "shipping is expensive" excuse. 

    Regardless, if you don't have a registry, the implication is that you guys want cash, so that's probably what you'll get, along with some random gifts.

    It's fine to not have a registry, you just don't mention it at all on the wedding website. 
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    It is fine not to have a registry. However, some people like to give physical gifts instead of cash so be prepared to graciously accept gifts that you may not want. I agree with @redwoodoriginal, shipping isn't an issue because ordering from a registry online allows items to be shipped to your home. Another upside of a registry, you know where the item was bought and can return it if needed.
  • It's fine to not have a registry, and don't say anything about why on the website. It seems pretty silly though since you know she'd like one. Why not create a small affordable registry, don't advertise it on the website, but tell her where it is and allow her to share it with her friends if she wants? You can usually set it up so the default is shipping gifts to your home. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Wedding websites do not have to have registries.

    If you don't feel like registering for gifts, I'd just tell your FMIL, "We considered it and realized that we didn't need or want one." And if she makes a fuss, I'd tell her, "Thanks for sharing your opinion about it with us. Ours hasn't changed, but as soon as it does, we'll let you know. In the meantime, while we're sorry to disappoint you, we aren't registering for gifts, so we'd prefer to treat the subject as closed."
    CMGragain
  • Don't create a registry because you think your MIL wants you to have one. No...

    If she asks why you don't have one, just give the reasons you gave here: you really are not expecting gifts and the wedding is out of state and you don't want to have to ship anything back. Simple. 

    If she really wants to give you a boxed gift, you could give her a few ideas of things you actually want at different price points and let her choose. You don't need a registry to do that. 
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  • You don't need a registry, and you don't need to justify to anyone why you don't have one. Guests will get the hint. However, some people still want to buy boxed gifts, so be prepared for things you maybe don't want. Are there a few things (even like 10-20) you can think of you'd like that you could put on a registry? 

    FWIW, we had an out of state wedding and still got way more boxed gifts than I thought we would have. Free online shipping is a great thing.
  • Not having a registry is perfectly fine.   But keep in mind that as PPs said, you may wind up with boxed gifts or stuff that's not cohesive.   That's all fine and dandy if you're cool with it.   Just be prepared that you may get knives, blenders, food processors, cookware and a BOATLOAD of picture frames and blankets.  

    If anyone wants to throw you a shower, you don't need a registry to have one but I'd say it makes it helpful.   Again, without one you'd wind up with a lot of mismatched stuff which can be fine but this is a great opportunity to think about what you and your FI want in your home as a married couple.   
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  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    banana468 said:
    Not having a registry is perfectly fine.   But keep in mind that as PPs said, you may wind up with boxed gifts or stuff that's not cohesive.   That's all fine and dandy if you're cool with it.   Just be prepared that you may get knives, blenders, food processors, cookware and a BOATLOAD of picture frames and blankets.  

    If anyone wants to throw you a shower, you don't need a registry to have one but I'd say it makes it helpful.   Again, without one you'd wind up with a lot of mismatched stuff which can be fine but this is a great opportunity to think about what you and your FI want in your home as a married couple.   
    Echoing this.

    A solution for you may be to create a small registry with a few items (say 10 items at different price points- towels, bedding, kitchen wares- utensils, cutlery, small gadgets, towels, or small appliances) and only share the registry with people who specifically ask about it. There are some guests who only give boxed gifts, and usually they will ask if you have a registry if they are interested in buying off of it.

    Otherwise you don't say anything about it, and if anyone asks you say, "No we are not registered anywhere but thanks for thinking of us! We look forward to seeing you at the wedding!".
    CMGragain
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 14
    Having a registry does not meant that you are asking for gifts.  It is simply a convenience for your guests to help them if they should choose to give you a gift.  Many registries include the shipping address you designate.

    I am handicapped - more so every year.  It is difficult for me to go into a department store to do extended shopping.  I love it when I can just check the couple's registry and order a gift to be sent to their home.  It is wonderful for me.  I have just had two elopements in my extended family, and I really wish I could send a gift, though it isn't required.

    I think your FMIL is just thinking of her friends and trying to make it easy for them, too.  You don't have to have a registry, and if you decide to have one, make it a small one.  Tell FMIL that you are saving for something (house, etc.) and that you would appreciate checks as gifts, but you cannot put this anywhere in writing - not on your registry, and especially not on your wedding website! This has to be strictly by word of mouth.
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