Etiquette

Today's Debate Topic

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Re: Today's Debate Topic

  • IF there was a nice lounge like setup in the bathroom area, perhaps I would choose to take advantage of it.  If you look at the picture with the article you can see that in this case it was 2 folding chairs feet away, and facing the stalls.  No thank you!
    mollybarker11InLoveInQueens
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I'm on mobile and couldn't see a full picture in the article, just the part of the photo with the note. I followed the link and saw it. Yea, that's not a great setup. I always nurse with my legs crossed to help prop my daughter up. People would be hard pressed to leave the stalls without tripping over my leg. I was thinking where sometimes in nice large rest rooms, there's a few chairs or a small couch on the other side of a wall from the rest of the room.

  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'll be the odd man out and say, as an exclusively breastfeeding (I don't even own a pump or any bottles) mother of a four-month-old, I wouldn't mind a note like this. 

    Yes, women can breastfeed wherever they want. I've breastfed in public areas, always with a cover because that's what makes me more comfortable. I like sitting against a wall with the cover because it's open in the back. 

    I have never breastfed in a bathroom, but if there was a sitting area in a large ladies room, you can bet I'd go there to breastfeed.

    Especially considering this is a wedding, an event where women might not be wearing the most breastfeeding-friendly clothing and might want to go somewhere else rather than, say, unzip the entire back of their dress to breastfeed right next to the dance floor. 

    I do think she should have phrased the note as on option rather than basically a requirement. But I also agree with the bride that if I saw that note, I wouldn't blast my friend all over social media. 
    If you're attending a wedding, you figure out how to make the attire nursing friendly.  

    Offering a different place is different from requiring it.   
    Yes, and like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it. I'm just saying, some people, like myself, would use it. 

    Regarding clothing, eh, maybe. I don't always dress that nursing friendly and I don't have any specifically nursing-friendly tops. I'm typically pulling my shirt up, hence why I always use a cover. I just don't feel like spending a lot of money (nor do I have the money to spend) on a whole new wardrobe. So while I would try not to wear a dress that I had to unzip, I'd probably be wearing a top I had to pull up. And even if I'm wearing v-necks with a cami underneath, I don't like pulling them down and stretching them out. 
    I think you're missing the point though:
    1) If you're allowed to be there, you can nurse there.   They don't have to put that in writing.   If they said, "Hey nursing mom!   Over here you'll find leak pads, high protein snacks and water bottles along with some baby wipes, burp cloths and comfy chairs," It's one thing.   They didn't.   And because you can nurse where you're allowed to be it's redundant to tell you about where you can nurse in a place your'e welcome to be in.

    2) Maybe you don't always dress nursing friendly but that's YOUR CHOICE.   When I've gone to dressy events with nursing baby I wore a wrap dress and a nursing bra/tank or a dress with buttons at the top.   Business casual was far easier with button up shirts being made for easy access.   But you're talking about YOUR CHOICE in what to wear - not a choice that someone is attempting to make for you.    It still doesn't change the fact that for many with young kids, nursing is a LOOOOOONG TIME. 
    Umm, no I'm not. I literally said almost exactly what you wrote out in #1. I said "she should have phrased the note as an option, not a requirement" and then I said "like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it." 

    As for #2, I really don't understand how what I said is related to what you're saying. I fully understand how I dress is my choice and other people may choose differently.  You made a blanket statement that when nursing moms go to weddings, they wear nursing friendly attire, and all I was doing was pointing out that not everyone does.  I said nothing about how long it takes to nurse and nothing about trying to make other people's clothing choices for them. 

    Again, you may not use the area. Fine, good for you. I see a lot of people getting up in arms about "you don't eat in the bathroom, why would you make your baby!" All I'm saying is, there may be moms, such as me, who would if there was a nice setup with chairs and stuff in part of the ladies room. That's all. 

    ETA: the only thing I find out of l
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'll be the odd man out and say, as an exclusively breastfeeding (I don't even own a pump or any bottles) mother of a four-month-old, I wouldn't mind a note like this. 

    Yes, women can breastfeed wherever they want. I've breastfed in public areas, always with a cover because that's what makes me more comfortable. I like sitting against a wall with the cover because it's open in the back. 

    I have never breastfed in a bathroom, but if there was a sitting area in a large ladies room, you can bet I'd go there to breastfeed.

    Especially considering this is a wedding, an event where women might not be wearing the most breastfeeding-friendly clothing and might want to go somewhere else rather than, say, unzip the entire back of their dress to breastfeed right next to the dance floor. 

    I do think she should have phrased the note as on option rather than basically a requirement. But I also agree with the bride that if I saw that note, I wouldn't blast my friend all over social media. 
    If you're attending a wedding, you figure out how to make the attire nursing friendly.  

    Offering a different place is different from requiring it.   
    Yes, and like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it. I'm just saying, some people, like myself, would use it. 

    Regarding clothing, eh, maybe. I don't always dress that nursing friendly and I don't have any specifically nursing-friendly tops. I'm typically pulling my shirt up, hence why I always use a cover. I just don't feel like spending a lot of money (nor do I have the money to spend) on a whole new wardrobe. So while I would try not to wear a dress that I had to unzip, I'd probably be wearing a top I had to pull up. And even if I'm wearing v-necks with a cami underneath, I don't like pulling them down and stretching them out. 
    I think you're missing the point though:
    1) If you're allowed to be there, you can nurse there.   They don't have to put that in writing.   If they said, "Hey nursing mom!   Over here you'll find leak pads, high protein snacks and water bottles along with some baby wipes, burp cloths and comfy chairs," It's one thing.   They didn't.   And because you can nurse where you're allowed to be it's redundant to tell you about where you can nurse in a place your'e welcome to be in.

    2) Maybe you don't always dress nursing friendly but that's YOUR CHOICE.   When I've gone to dressy events with nursing baby I wore a wrap dress and a nursing bra/tank or a dress with buttons at the top.   Business casual was far easier with button up shirts being made for easy access.   But you're talking about YOUR CHOICE in what to wear - not a choice that someone is attempting to make for you.    It still doesn't change the fact that for many with young kids, nursing is a LOOOOOONG TIME. 
    Umm, no I'm not. I literally said almost exactly what you wrote out in #1. I said "she should have phrased the note as an option, not a requirement" and then I said "like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it." 

    As for #2, I really don't understand how what I said is related to what you're saying. I fully understand how I dress is my choice and other people may choose differently.  You made a blanket statement that when nursing moms go to weddings, they wear nursing friendly attire, and all I was doing was pointing out that not everyone does.  I said nothing about how long it takes to nurse and nothing about trying to make other people's clothing choices for them. 

    Again, you may not use the area. Fine, good for you. I see a lot of people getting up in arms about "you don't eat in the bathroom, why would you make your baby!" All I'm saying is, there may be moms, such as me, who would if there was a nice setup with chairs and stuff in part of the ladies room. That's all. 
    You started off in your first sentence saying that you wouldn't mind a note like that.

    I think plenty of moms don't mind people saying that a nursing space is available if they want to use it it but do mind that they're told where to go.   That's the entire point of the argument.   You contradicted yourself in your first sentence saying that you didn't mind the note and then later said that it could have been phrased differently.   Had it been phased differently it probably wouldn't have pissed off the nursing mom or plenty of others.   

    My point about the nursing friendly attire is that if you're going somewhere with your nursing kiddo you figure out how to dress to get a boob out without having to take off all your clothes if that's at all possible.  I'm not making clothing choices for any woman but I highly hope that there is some thought given to whether or not your attire for the day forces you to disrobe (not show belly but physically strip) in order to feed your kid.   Again, that is YOUR choice in how to dress.   But any dressy event I've attended either as or with other nursing moms has involved the moms not wearing attire that needs to be removed to nurse their kids.    Based on the groom's attire I can't imagine that this was a formal event.  

    Yeah, it's totally in poor taste to smear a couple like that.    I don't think the mom is winning anyone over with her approach at all.  If you have an issue with someone the adult way to handle it is to actually pick up the phone and not blast someone on social media.   But the couple should not have done this.  At all. 
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'll be the odd man out and say, as an exclusively breastfeeding (I don't even own a pump or any bottles) mother of a four-month-old, I wouldn't mind a note like this. 

    Yes, women can breastfeed wherever they want. I've breastfed in public areas, always with a cover because that's what makes me more comfortable. I like sitting against a wall with the cover because it's open in the back. 

    I have never breastfed in a bathroom, but if there was a sitting area in a large ladies room, you can bet I'd go there to breastfeed.

    Especially considering this is a wedding, an event where women might not be wearing the most breastfeeding-friendly clothing and might want to go somewhere else rather than, say, unzip the entire back of their dress to breastfeed right next to the dance floor. 

    I do think she should have phrased the note as on option rather than basically a requirement. But I also agree with the bride that if I saw that note, I wouldn't blast my friend all over social media. 
    If you're attending a wedding, you figure out how to make the attire nursing friendly.  

    Offering a different place is different from requiring it.   
    Yes, and like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it. I'm just saying, some people, like myself, would use it. 

    Regarding clothing, eh, maybe. I don't always dress that nursing friendly and I don't have any specifically nursing-friendly tops. I'm typically pulling my shirt up, hence why I always use a cover. I just don't feel like spending a lot of money (nor do I have the money to spend) on a whole new wardrobe. So while I would try not to wear a dress that I had to unzip, I'd probably be wearing a top I had to pull up. And even if I'm wearing v-necks with a cami underneath, I don't like pulling them down and stretching them out. 
    I think you're missing the point though:
    1) If you're allowed to be there, you can nurse there.   They don't have to put that in writing.   If they said, "Hey nursing mom!   Over here you'll find leak pads, high protein snacks and water bottles along with some baby wipes, burp cloths and comfy chairs," It's one thing.   They didn't.   And because you can nurse where you're allowed to be it's redundant to tell you about where you can nurse in a place your'e welcome to be in.

    2) Maybe you don't always dress nursing friendly but that's YOUR CHOICE.   When I've gone to dressy events with nursing baby I wore a wrap dress and a nursing bra/tank or a dress with buttons at the top.   Business casual was far easier with button up shirts being made for easy access.   But you're talking about YOUR CHOICE in what to wear - not a choice that someone is attempting to make for you.    It still doesn't change the fact that for many with young kids, nursing is a LOOOOOONG TIME. 
    Umm, no I'm not. I literally said almost exactly what you wrote out in #1. I said "she should have phrased the note as an option, not a requirement" and then I said "like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it." 

    As for #2, I really don't understand how what I said is related to what you're saying. I fully understand how I dress is my choice and other people may choose differently.  You made a blanket statement that when nursing moms go to weddings, they wear nursing friendly attire, and all I was doing was pointing out that not everyone does.  I said nothing about how long it takes to nurse and nothing about trying to make other people's clothing choices for them. 

    Again, you may not use the area. Fine, good for you. I see a lot of people getting up in arms about "you don't eat in the bathroom, why would you make your baby!" All I'm saying is, there may be moms, such as me, who would if there was a nice setup with chairs and stuff in part of the ladies room. That's all. 

    ETA: the only thing I find out of l
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'll be the odd man out and say, as an exclusively breastfeeding (I don't even own a pump or any bottles) mother of a four-month-old, I wouldn't mind a note like this. 

    Yes, women can breastfeed wherever they want. I've breastfed in public areas, always with a cover because that's what makes me more comfortable. I like sitting against a wall with the cover because it's open in the back. 

    I have never breastfed in a bathroom, but if there was a sitting area in a large ladies room, you can bet I'd go there to breastfeed.

    Especially considering this is a wedding, an event where women might not be wearing the most breastfeeding-friendly clothing and might want to go somewhere else rather than, say, unzip the entire back of their dress to breastfeed right next to the dance floor. 

    I do think she should have phrased the note as on option rather than basically a requirement. But I also agree with the bride that if I saw that note, I wouldn't blast my friend all over social media. 
    If you're attending a wedding, you figure out how to make the attire nursing friendly.  

    Offering a different place is different from requiring it.   
    Yes, and like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it. I'm just saying, some people, like myself, would use it. 

    Regarding clothing, eh, maybe. I don't always dress that nursing friendly and I don't have any specifically nursing-friendly tops. I'm typically pulling my shirt up, hence why I always use a cover. I just don't feel like spending a lot of money (nor do I have the money to spend) on a whole new wardrobe. So while I would try not to wear a dress that I had to unzip, I'd probably be wearing a top I had to pull up. And even if I'm wearing v-necks with a cami underneath, I don't like pulling them down and stretching them out. 
    I think you're missing the point though:
    1) If you're allowed to be there, you can nurse there.   They don't have to put that in writing.   If they said, "Hey nursing mom!   Over here you'll find leak pads, high protein snacks and water bottles along with some baby wipes, burp cloths and comfy chairs," It's one thing.   They didn't.   And because you can nurse where you're allowed to be it's redundant to tell you about where you can nurse in a place your'e welcome to be in.

    2) Maybe you don't always dress nursing friendly but that's YOUR CHOICE.   When I've gone to dressy events with nursing baby I wore a wrap dress and a nursing bra/tank or a dress with buttons at the top.   Business casual was far easier with button up shirts being made for easy access.   But you're talking about YOUR CHOICE in what to wear - not a choice that someone is attempting to make for you.    It still doesn't change the fact that for many with young kids, nursing is a LOOOOOONG TIME. 
    Umm, no I'm not. I literally said almost exactly what you wrote out in #1. I said "she should have phrased the note as an option, not a requirement" and then I said "like I said, women can nurse wherever they want and that note should have been worded as an offering if people wanted it." 

    As for #2, I really don't understand how what I said is related to what you're saying. I fully understand how I dress is my choice and other people may choose differently.  You made a blanket statement that when nursing moms go to weddings, they wear nursing friendly attire, and all I was doing was pointing out that not everyone does.  I said nothing about how long it takes to nurse and nothing about trying to make other people's clothing choices for them. 

    Again, you may not use the area. Fine, good for you. I see a lot of people getting up in arms about "you don't eat in the bathroom, why would you make your baby!" All I'm saying is, there may be moms, such as me, who would if there was a nice setup with chairs and stuff in part of the ladies room. That's all. 
    You started off in your first sentence saying that you wouldn't mind a note like that.

    I think plenty of moms don't mind people saying that a nursing space is available if they want to use it it but do mind that they're told where to go.   That's the entire point of the argument.   You contradicted yourself in your first sentence saying that you didn't mind the note and then later said that it could have been phrased differently.   Had it been phased differently it probably wouldn't have pissed off the nursing mom or plenty of others.   

    My point about the nursing friendly attire is that if you're going somewhere with your nursing kiddo you figure out how to dress to get a boob out without having to take off all your clothes if that's at all possible.  I'm not making clothing choices for any woman but I highly hope that there is some thought given to whether or not your attire for the day forces you to disrobe (not show belly but physically strip) in order to feed your kid.   Again, that is YOUR choice in how to dress.   But any dressy event I've attended either as or with other nursing moms has involved the moms not wearing attire that needs to be removed to nurse their kids.    Based on the groom's attire I can't imagine that this was a formal event.  

    Yeah, it's totally in poor taste to smear a couple like that.    I don't think the mom is winning anyone over with her approach at all.  If you have an issue with someone the adult way to handle it is to actually pick up the phone and not blast someone on social media.   But the couple should not have done this.  At all. 
    By note like that, I meant a note informing me of the space available, which this does albeit in a rude way. 

    Anyway, I think we're on more or less the same page 

  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited October 27
    ernursej said:

    I think the note was absurd but I don't agree with going public.

    The note could have read "If you would appreciate a private space to breastfeed, please feel free to use x that has been set up to accommodate your needs." The space should not have been in the bathroom unless there is a lounging space like some fancy clubs have. The way the note was written ... "appropriate" means that BF in public is not ... which it is! No one should have to eat where others urinate or defecate.

    Agreed.

    I think the "Friend" was being quite passive-aggressive and catty to publicly blast someone she knows personally, even if they aren't great friends (but if their husbands are, surely there is enough of a relationship there for someone to say something). But the note from the couple was also very rude and condescending.

    Some bathrooms have very nice lounge areas with comfy chairs and couches that are almost a separate room from the bathroom, for which I think would be very appropriate to state, "There is a private space available to breastfeed IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO USE IT" (obvi not in the caps ;) ). But telling guests they MUST use it and WHY, and setting up some random chairs in a bathroom- nope, nope, nope!
    lovesclimbingcharlotte989875sparklepants41short+sassy
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