Chit Chat

Premarital counseling

Anyone done premarital counseling? 
I was thinking of doing it because I always thought it would be a positive. 
It is like $115 a session for 5 sessions (Just under 600 bucks)

Who thinks its worth it? 
vikinganna87
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Re: Premarital counseling

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Many years ago, ours was part of being married by the minister of our choice. DD was married in the Catholic Church and had to go through Pre-Cana (not sure I spelled that correctly). I believe that was included in the cost of the church which was over $1000 (not including the priest and musicians). If that cost is a secular counselor such as a licensed social worker or psychologist I guess it might be in line with normal fees. I think pre-marital counseling is a positive thing.
  • Yeah I heard of Pre-Cana , I guess I'm interested in PC because I was raised Catholic. I wonder if the approaches are much different. 

    Did you enjoy the experience and feel it strengthened your bond? 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Yeah I heard of Pre-Cana , I guess I'm interested in PC because I was raised Catholic. I wonder if the approaches are much different. 

    Did you enjoy the experience and feel it strengthened your bond? 
    The Pre Cana experience will be different depending on your parish and/or your archdiocese.  Some parishes "assign" a long wedded couple from the parish with engaged couples.  Other parishes might offer group encounters or even weekend retreat encounters.  Any counseling prior to marriage can be beneficial in terms of encouraging dialogue on a variety of issues from money matters to child rearing.

    As @ernursej alludes, even after marriage some occasional counseling for "tune ups" can be healthy and beneficial as you grow as a person and couple.
  • Yeah I heard of Pre-Cana , I guess I'm interested in PC because I was raised Catholic. I wonder if the approaches are much different. 

    Did you enjoy the experience and feel it strengthened your bond? 
    Do you plan to continue to practice your Catholic faith?  If you do, Pre-Cana is required, and you must be married in a Catholic church.  If you do not do this, you will not be allowed to receive the host at Mass - ever.  Make sure that you and your FI are OK with this.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • We did counseling as a requirement to have our wedding in the church. We already lived together, had done multi-state moves, had some big decisions, had done the religion/kids/life styles conversations, but it really did help us think about other issues that might come up in the future. I’m glad we did it. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    I always think pre-marital counseling is a great idea. 

    We didn't go ourselves, but we sat down and discussed many things - children, careers, lifestyle, etc. to make sure we were on the same page.  

  • We didn't but I believe it depends on the situation. I know people who got married, then lived together. For them it was useful because they learned how to merge 2 lives smoothly and avoid any huge issues.

    M and I lived together for a few years before being engaged, so we didn't feel it was necessary for us.

    HOWEVER I had some issues, so I personally went to counseling to ensure I was dealing with things correctly {long story short, my dad passed in April, got engaged in October and was married the August after}
    After a friend mentioned something to me, I realized I had some things I wanted to deal with. I would have gone whether we were getting married or not, but it felt more important to do it for myself - and for the sake of our marriage - to make sure I was in a better place mentally.
    <iframe width="350" height="240" src="https://w2.countingdownto.com/1982415" frameborder="0"></iframe>
    SP29
  • We did premarital counseling and it was great! We were really lucky to have a counselor that we really clicked with and we were able to discuss things we hadn’t thought to bring up ourselves. Added bonus was that DH had a positive experience with counseling and is will to go back if we ever need to.
    Knottie1474162374
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited October 27
    @MyNameIsNot, I am constantly amazed at how many Catholics are not aware of the church rules.  When I see someone who identifies themselves as being Catholic and seems to be not aware, I feel I should speak up.  Why don't you?

    I have no issue with Catholic Canon law, and I have great respect for the Catholic church.  While a non-practicing Catholic can return to the church and enjoy full benefits, including receiving Mass, it is much more complicated if someone has married outside the church.  I have relatives who have done this.  A Convalidation is necessary to restore full participation in the Mass, and this is not easy to get.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    CMGragain said:
    @MyNameIsNot, I am constantly amazed at how many Catholics are not aware of the church rules.  When I see someone who identifies themselves as being Catholic and seems to be not aware, I feel I should speak up.  Why don't you?

    I have no issue with Catholic Canon law, and I have great respect for the Catholic church.  While a non-practicing Catholic can return to the church and enjoy full benefits, including receiving Mass, it is much more complicated if someone has married outside the church.  I have relatives who have done this.  A Convalidation is necessary to restore full participation in the Mass, and this is not easy to get.
    You really shouldn't be lecturing people on things when you have a limited understanding of them. Just as it would be irresponsible for me to go around giving medical advice, you need to stop preaching your limited knowledge of the Catholic church as gospel. 

    What makes you think a convalidation is not easy to get? You're confusing that with a special dispensation to marry outside of the Church, which is a whole different thing. You're also missing the nuance of how many modern Catholics live, not that other people's spiritual decisions are any of your business.

    This is honestly worse than trying to diagnose everyone's problem relative with Narcissism. Why don't I? Because it's not my place to tell someone how to live their religious lives and I'm not self-important enough to think that hearing a second-hand account from a relative means I'm an expert in the field. As I said before, if OP or anyone has concerns about this, they should be talking to a priest. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited October 28
    Well, I do agree with your last sentence.  Catholic ladies, help me out here.  Convalidations are not easy unless you are converting to Catholicism.

    Just because I am not a practicing Catholic, you are assuming I have limited knowledge.  I have had a great deal of experience with family members and the Catholic church.  Of my nine contemporary relatives, only one is still a practicing Catholic.  The others married outside the church and are no longer practicing their Catholic faith.  Some of them converted to the Lutheran church.   I am the only member of my extended family who is a United Methodist.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I would agree with @CMGragain based on what I read on the Catholic boards when my daughter was engaged. DD is Catholic (she converted before she met her H) and was married in the Catholic church. I read everything on the Catholic boards so that I could understand the Catholic requirements. It was pretty clear from numerous regular posters that a convalidation is not an easy thing to get unless a person was not Catholic at the time they married. If the person was Catholic, chose not to marry in the Catholic church then wanted a convalidation, it was a difficult matter. Many brides asked how they could marry somewhere other than a Catholic church then get their marriage recognized by the church. The answer was universally that it wasn't an easy thing to do. From my understanding, these answers were given by practicing and knowledgable Catholics.
    MobKaz
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    edited October 28
    I would agree with @CMGragain based on what I read on the Catholic boards when my daughter was engaged. DD is Catholic (she converted before she met her H) and was married in the Catholic church. I read everything on the Catholic boards so that I could understand the Catholic requirements. It was pretty clear from numerous regular posters that a convalidation is not an easy thing to get unless a person was not Catholic at the time they married. If the person was Catholic, chose not to marry in the Catholic church then wanted a convalidation, it was a difficult matter. Many brides asked how they could marry somewhere other than a Catholic church then get their marriage recognized by the church. The answer was universally that it wasn't an easy thing to do. From my understanding, these answers were given by practicing and knowledgable Catholics.
    Blanket generalizations are never accurate, but convalidations, whether for non Catholics or Catholics who married civilly, are not typically easy to arrange/obtain.  There is a difference between dispensations and convalidations.  Getting permission to marry outside the walls of a Catholic Church (dispensations) are extremely difficult.  Convalidations do occur more often, however, they are far from "easy" to obtain.  It does definitely vary from parish to parish, but there are certainly restrictions, and not every request is honored.

    Pre-Cana is required.  The marriage, with very few exceptions, indeed must take place in a Catholic church.

    " If you do not do this, you will not be allowed to receive the host at Mass - ever."  This is the only statement that is not accurate.  Yes, Catholics should always be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist.  However, for the most part, that is between the church member and God.  No priest knows every parishoner and their current "state".  There are many that do not follow this criteria.

    ETA: clarifying between dispensation and convalidation.
    charlotte989875MairePoppyredoryxILoveBeachMusic
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    edited October 28
    MobKaz said:
    I would agree with @CMGragain based on what I read on the Catholic boards when my daughter was engaged. DD is Catholic (she converted before she met her H) and was married in the Catholic church. I read everything on the Catholic boards so that I could understand the Catholic requirements. It was pretty clear from numerous regular posters that a convalidation is not an easy thing to get unless a person was not Catholic at the time they married. If the person was Catholic, chose not to marry in the Catholic church then wanted a convalidation, it was a difficult matter. Many brides asked how they could marry somewhere other than a Catholic church then get their marriage recognized by the church. The answer was universally that it wasn't an easy thing to do. From my understanding, these answers were given by practicing and knowledgable Catholics.
    Blanket generalizations are never accurate, but convalidations, whether for non Catholics or Catholics who married civilly, are not typically easy to arrange/obtain.  There is a difference between dispensations and convalidations.  Getting permission to marry outside the walls of a Catholic Church (dispensations) are extremely difficult.  Convalidations do occur more often, however, they are far from "easy" to obtain.  It does definitely vary from parish to parish, but there are certainly restrictions, and not every request is honored.

    Pre-Cana is required.  The marriage, with very few exceptions, indeed must take place in a Catholic church.

    " If you do not do this, you will not be allowed to receive the host at Mass - ever."  This is the only statement that is not accurate.  Yes, Catholics should always be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist.  However, for the most part, that is between the church member and God.  No priest knows every parishoner and their current "state".  There are many that do not follow this criteria.

    ETA: clarifying between dispensation and convalidation. 


    **************SIB******************************

    I agree 100 percent with MobKaz's explanation. I must add that I have seen my Pastor, refuse the Eucharist to people. Perhaps they were not Catholics or he may have been aware of other reasons that made it not appropriate for them to receive Communion. I know of Catholics who are divorced and remarried, and simply attend mass where the priest is not aware so they can receive communion. It is not my place to judge. That is between them and God.


                
  • MobKaz said:
    I would agree with @CMGragain based on what I read on the Catholic boards when my daughter was engaged. DD is Catholic (she converted before she met her H) and was married in the Catholic church. I read everything on the Catholic boards so that I could understand the Catholic requirements. It was pretty clear from numerous regular posters that a convalidation is not an easy thing to get unless a person was not Catholic at the time they married. If the person was Catholic, chose not to marry in the Catholic church then wanted a convalidation, it was a difficult matter. Many brides asked how they could marry somewhere other than a Catholic church then get their marriage recognized by the church. The answer was universally that it wasn't an easy thing to do. From my understanding, these answers were given by practicing and knowledgable Catholics.
    Blanket generalizations are never accurate, but convalidations, whether for non Catholics or Catholics who married civilly, are not typically easy to arrange/obtain.  There is a difference between dispensations and convalidations.  Getting permission to marry outside the walls of a Catholic Church (dispensations) are extremely difficult.  Convalidations do occur more often, however, they are far from "easy" to obtain.  It does definitely vary from parish to parish, but there are certainly restrictions, and not every request is honored.

    Pre-Cana is required.  The marriage, with very few exceptions, indeed must take place in a Catholic church.

    " If you do not do this, you will not be allowed to receive the host at Mass - ever."  This is the only statement that is not accurate.  Yes, Catholics should always be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist.  However, for the most part, that is between the church member and God.  No priest knows every parishoner and their current "state".  There are many that do not follow this criteria.

    ETA: clarifying between dispensation and convalidation.
    This is the bit that has always gotten me for the reasons outlined above. I was raised in the Lutheran church but am now an atheist. I have lots of family who are practicing, devout Catholics, including a cousin who is a priest. I have a general understanding of how the Eucharist works. 

    Growing up, we would occasionally have reason for attending mass, either because family was visiting from out of town, or there was a full mass wedding, etc. When I was still going to church with my family I knew not to participate because I wasn't Catholic. Now I still attend family weddings and Christmas Eve service at my parents Lutheran church and don't participate in communion, even in the church I was baptized in and had my first communion and confirmation and all of that because, hi, atheist. 

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 
    image
    charlotte989875
  • redoryx said:
    MobKaz said:
    I would agree with @CMGragain based on what I read on the Catholic boards when my daughter was engaged. DD is Catholic (she converted before she met her H) and was married in the Catholic church. I read everything on the Catholic boards so that I could understand the Catholic requirements. It was pretty clear from numerous regular posters that a convalidation is not an easy thing to get unless a person was not Catholic at the time they married. If the person was Catholic, chose not to marry in the Catholic church then wanted a convalidation, it was a difficult matter. Many brides asked how they could marry somewhere other than a Catholic church then get their marriage recognized by the church. The answer was universally that it wasn't an easy thing to do. From my understanding, these answers were given by practicing and knowledgable Catholics.
    Blanket generalizations are never accurate, but convalidations, whether for non Catholics or Catholics who married civilly, are not typically easy to arrange/obtain.  There is a difference between dispensations and convalidations.  Getting permission to marry outside the walls of a Catholic Church (dispensations) are extremely difficult.  Convalidations do occur more often, however, they are far from "easy" to obtain.  It does definitely vary from parish to parish, but there are certainly restrictions, and not every request is honored.

    Pre-Cana is required.  The marriage, with very few exceptions, indeed must take place in a Catholic church.

    " If you do not do this, you will not be allowed to receive the host at Mass - ever."  This is the only statement that is not accurate.  Yes, Catholics should always be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist.  However, for the most part, that is between the church member and God.  No priest knows every parishoner and their current "state".  There are many that do not follow this criteria.

    ETA: clarifying between dispensation and convalidation.
    This is the bit that has always gotten me for the reasons outlined above. I was raised in the Lutheran church but am now an atheist. I have lots of family who are practicing, devout Catholics, including a cousin who is a priest. I have a general understanding of how the Eucharist works. 

    Growing up, we would occasionally have reason for attending mass, either because family was visiting from out of town, or there was a full mass wedding, etc. When I was still going to church with my family I knew not to participate because I wasn't Catholic. Now I still attend family weddings and Christmas Eve service at my parents Lutheran church and don't participate in communion, even in the church I was baptized in and had my first communion and confirmation and all of that because, hi, atheist. 

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 
    I've only heard of a priest stating that he would withhold in the cases when someone publicly speaks against church teaching.  
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    Some priests are stricter than others. There were attendees at my uncle's funeral who belonged to a local Mennonite community. When they approached the altar for communion, the priest gave them a blessing, but refused the Eucharist. He most likely recognized their ultra conservative dress. I think this was the correct thing for him to do. If they had understood Catholic belief about Eucharist, they probably would have abstained. 
                
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    Hello!  Catholic here!

    I can't totally vouch for how "easy" it is to obtain a convalidation as I've never gone through one.  My understanding, though, is that it depends on the situation as a whole.  I know a couple who had an experience similar to @MairePoppy .... they were incredibly involved in their church.  My understanding was that the process for the convalidation was a bit longer than most because there were several annulments needed.

    I think saying that a Catholic cannot ever receive the Eucharist without a Catholic marriage is a hyperbole.  There is always a way for people to return and repair the relationship.

    Back to the original topic, we found our premarital counseling to be incredibly helpful.  The deacon who worked with us discussed finances as well as interacting with in-laws.  Our families have different dynamics, so that was something we needed to plan to adjust to.



    Anniversary
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    CMGragain said:
    Well, I do agree with your last sentence.  Catholic ladies, help me out here.  Convalidations are not easy unless you are converting to Catholicism.

    Just because I am not a practicing Catholic, you are assuming I have limited knowledge.  I have had a great deal of experience with family members and the Catholic church.  Of my nine contemporary relatives, only one is still a practicing Catholic.  The others married outside the church and are no longer practicing their Catholic faith.  Some of them converted to the Lutheran church.   I am the only member of my extended family who is a United Methodist.
    May I share my experience?

    My H and I, both life long Catholics, were not allowed to marry in the Catholic church because he had been married and divorced. We were married in the Congregational church, by a very kind and understanding minister. He knew we intended to remain Catholic.

    After our children were born, the Catholic church lovingly welcomed them and baptized them along with all the other Catholic babies. We were very involved with the church, attended Sunday Mass and holy days, participated in religious ed for our children and active in the social and charitable life of the church. The church does not penalized children of mixed marriages or non - Catholic marriages. We abstained from receiving Eucharist, because of our own consciences, we simply kneeled in prayer while the other parishioners went to the altar. No one made us feel like we didn't belong. No one considered that we were less worthy. Mostly everyone, during communion, is examining their own consciences  and preparing to receive the Lord. I felt that I grew a lot in my understanding of the Eucharist during that time.

    One day, the Pastor requested a meeting with us. He wanted to understand why we did not receive the sacraments. We told him about the previous marriage. He called his Priest friend who prepares annulment cases for the Tribunal. We met with him. H gave him the marriage history. They contacted his ex. She refused to participate because she thought that would make their son a bastard, another common misconception. The church doesn't bastardize children. The priest presented the  case and within 3 months the annulment was granted. 
     
    As soon as our beloved Pastor received the declaration he called to ask if we wanted to get married on Saturday after confession. We said yippee! No hoops to jump through. We had demonstrated our growth in faith by our lifestyle throughout our ten year marriage. We met him at the church, gave confession, received the sacrament of reconciliation and a bear hugs, two minutes later, we received the sacrament of convalidation, with our daughter as altar server. Our mothers were our witnesses and our two sons were the only others present. Our reception was pizza at a local pizza joint. No fanfare, just taking care of business, although I have heard of fancier convalidations. Some convalidations are fancier than ours, with guests and fancy sit down dinner receptions. 

    Most priests strive,  days, to keep Catholics connected to the church. You would have to do something really awful and intentional to be excommunicated and even then, you'd be forgiven if you confessed and were sincerely sorry for your sins. Once you are baptized, the church will welcome you back to the fold. 

    I do agree with CMGragain that there seem to be many brides and grooms who are surprised by the church's marriage requirements. I disagree that it's as dour as she sometimes presents. However, she always urges those with questions to talk to their priests. 

    A disclaimer - I am currently not a practicing Catholic, but hope one day to be reunited with the Church. Pope Francis has given me hope that there will be resolution to issues that test my faith. In the meantime, I'm considering the Episcopal church. But that is another conversation.
    Your experience, and faith, gave me chills, @MairePoppy.  I hope you are able to find the peace and fulfillment you seek.


    MairePoppy
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    edited October 29
    redoryx said:

    *snip*

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 
    I actually asked this question not that long ago, I think over in etiquette, and got some good answers.(ETA: if you're interested, here. https://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1072185/ot-question-about-catholic-communion/p1 )

    I have always considered myself non-denominational because that's the kind of church I grew up in, but proe bably fairly close to Baptist. Every church I've gone to says something like "we ask only that you're a member of the family of God to participate" and there's no one asking if you're a Christian before giving it to you. Typically it's passed between the rows, not handed out, though. 

    redoryx
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Thanks for the clarification @MobKaz. Yes, generalizations are never accurate and it is always best to check with priests/religious leaders for any church's requirements.

    I also have a friend who similar to @MairePoppy, had been divorced (she didn't want the divorce) remarried and had a baby. The baby was baptized, raised and confirmed in the Catholic church. She and her husband attend the Catholic church but refrain from communion. Unfortunately, when their priest tried to get the first marriage annulled the church didn't grant it. They were told they could continue to pursue it and it would probably eventually happen but it would take years and a lot of money. The last we spoke about it they weren't continuing with it. I'm just saying this to reiterate that I in no way meant to imply that the Catholic Church wouldn't welcome a child from a marriage outside the church.  
  • redoryx said:
    This is the bit that has always gotten me for the reasons outlined above. I was raised in the Lutheran church but am now an atheist. I have lots of family who are practicing, devout Catholics, including a cousin who is a priest. I have a general understanding of how the Eucharist works. 

    Growing up, we would occasionally have reason for attending mass, either because family was visiting from out of town, or there was a full mass wedding, etc. When I was still going to church with my family I knew not to participate because I wasn't Catholic. Now I still attend family weddings and Christmas Eve service at my parents Lutheran church and don't participate in communion, even in the church I was baptized in and had my first communion and confirmation and all of that because, hi, atheist. 

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 

    I was raised Lutheran, so my experience with Catholicism is limited.  But my maternal grandparents were Catholic and my ex-b/f is Catholic.  So I've attended a Catholic Mass many times.

    To the bolded, I'm assuming they wouldn't the majority of the time.  Unless they already knew a particular person/parishioner's history.  However, I KNEW.  I hope I don't offend anyone but, to me, it would be very disrespectful to partake in Communion in a Catholic church.  Knowing that, if they knew I wasn't Catholic or Eastern Orthodox, the priest would only give me a blessing instead.  Not Communion.

    And here is the eye-rolling irony.  For me personally, I wouldn't have minded participating in Communion in a Catholic church.  I was merely trying to be respectful.  But my ex's mother got very offended I wouldn't take Communion in her church.  I painstakingly explained to her...many, many times...that it was her church that would not allow me to participate in that rite.  And I was just being respectful of their beliefs.  But she just didn't "get it".  Heck, she didn't even understand that Protestants are Christians.  Just like Catholics.  She was a real uphill battle, to say the least, lol. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MairePoppy
  • redoryx said:
    This is the bit that has always gotten me for the reasons outlined above. I was raised in the Lutheran church but am now an atheist. I have lots of family who are practicing, devout Catholics, including a cousin who is a priest. I have a general understanding of how the Eucharist works. 

    Growing up, we would occasionally have reason for attending mass, either because family was visiting from out of town, or there was a full mass wedding, etc. When I was still going to church with my family I knew not to participate because I wasn't Catholic. Now I still attend family weddings and Christmas Eve service at my parents Lutheran church and don't participate in communion, even in the church I was baptized in and had my first communion and confirmation and all of that because, hi, atheist. 

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 

    I was raised Lutheran, so my experience with Catholicism is limited.  But my maternal grandparents were Catholic and my ex-b/f is Catholic.  So I've attended a Catholic Mass many times.

    To the bolded, I'm assuming they wouldn't the majority of the time.  Unless they already knew a particular person/parishioner's history.  However, I KNEW.  I hope I don't offend anyone but, to me, it would be very disrespectful to partake in Communion in a Catholic church.  Knowing that, if they knew I wasn't Catholic or Eastern Orthodox, the priest would only give me a blessing instead.  Not Communion.

    And here is the eye-rolling irony.  For me personally, I wouldn't have minded participating in Communion in a Catholic church.  I was merely trying to be respectful.  But my ex's mother got very offended I wouldn't take Communion in her church.  I painstakingly explained to her...many, many times...that it was her church that would not allow me to participate in that rite.  And I was just being respectful of their beliefs.  But she just didn't "get it".  Heck, she didn't even understand that Protestants are Christians.  Just like Catholics.  She was a real uphill battle, to say the least, lol. 

    So the facts were only good to her if they were HER facts?  ;-)

    FWIW, I think what you did was very respectful.   You're supposed to be of the faith to partake.

    And just yesterday at Mass, our priest felt obligated to start his homily with a few minute lecture on how he's watched people recently disrespect the host.   
    short+sassy
  • redoryx said:
    This is the bit that has always gotten me for the reasons outlined above. I was raised in the Lutheran church but am now an atheist. I have lots of family who are practicing, devout Catholics, including a cousin who is a priest. I have a general understanding of how the Eucharist works. 

    Growing up, we would occasionally have reason for attending mass, either because family was visiting from out of town, or there was a full mass wedding, etc. When I was still going to church with my family I knew not to participate because I wasn't Catholic. Now I still attend family weddings and Christmas Eve service at my parents Lutheran church and don't participate in communion, even in the church I was baptized in and had my first communion and confirmation and all of that because, hi, atheist. 

    But one of those questions that has always nagged me from a young age (because I was questioning all of this loooooooong before I left) is how would the priest know? I mean, obviously if I go to a church where I am known or go with my family it wouldn't work, but, like all those times I've gone to friend's weddings and they had a full mass -- would the priest really stop in the middle of the Eucharist and ask me if it was appropriate for me to receive it? 

    I was raised Lutheran, so my experience with Catholicism is limited.  But my maternal grandparents were Catholic and my ex-b/f is Catholic.  So I've attended a Catholic Mass many times.

    To the bolded, I'm assuming they wouldn't the majority of the time.  Unless they already knew a particular person/parishioner's history.  However, I KNEW.  I hope I don't offend anyone but, to me, it would be very disrespectful to partake in Communion in a Catholic church.  Knowing that, if they knew I wasn't Catholic or Eastern Orthodox, the priest would only give me a blessing instead.  Not Communion.

    And here is the eye-rolling irony.  For me personally, I wouldn't have minded participating in Communion in a Catholic church.  I was merely trying to be respectful.  But my ex's mother got very offended I wouldn't take Communion in her church.  I painstakingly explained to her...many, many times...that it was her church that would not allow me to participate in that rite.  And I was just being respectful of their beliefs.  But she just didn't "get it".  Heck, she didn't even understand that Protestants are Christians.  Just like Catholics.  She was a real uphill battle, to say the least, lol. 

    Oh, for sure. I'm not saying I ever WOULD test this I've just always been curious. 

    Like you, I respect the faith of those who DO believe and therefore don't partake of communion. Plus, because I don't believe it doesn't make any sense for me to take it, y'know? What purpose would it serve an atheist? 
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    short+sassyILoveBeachMusicMairePoppy
  • redoryx said:

    To the bolded, I'm assuming they wouldn't the majority of the time.  Unless they already knew a particular person/parishioner's history.  However, I KNEW.  I hope I don't offend anyone but, to me, it would be very disrespectful to partake in Communion in a Catholic church.  Knowing that, if they knew I wasn't Catholic or Eastern Orthodox, the priest would only give me a blessing instead.  Not Communion.

    Oh, for sure. I'm not saying I ever WOULD test this I've just always been curious. 

    Like you, I respect the faith of those who DO believe and therefore don't partake of communion. Plus, because I don't believe it doesn't make any sense for me to take it, y'know? What purpose would it serve an atheist? 

    That's also my assumption for most people.  That it's an "honor system", for lack of a better phrase.  If someone knows they aren't supposed to take Communion, they won't.  Like you pointed out, it usually wouldn't make much sense anyway, if they did.

    It also wouldn't surprise me if there are a lot of people who just don't know.  Like apparently my ex's mother, lol.  In my younger days, I doubt I would have either.  Except my parents would remind me, when I went to a Catholic mass with them and my grandparents, that I was not supposed to take Communion there because it was against Catholic beliefs.

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    redoryx
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    I would have liked to have done premarital counseling but DH didn't want to. He'd been married in the Catholic church once before and got that marriage annulled. Wasn't going to push it. We didn't have the sacrament of marriage because we both felt weird doing that ceremony all over again. 

    But I will add we recently got DD baptized in my home parish. Even though we both fell off the church-going wagon years ago, it was still important to both of us to have DD baptized. It was important to me to have it in my home parish where I'd received every other sacrament besides marriage. The deacon interviewed us (and I emphasized my long history with the parish and the local Catholic schools) and there were no issues with DH's prior annulment or our lack of the sacrament of marriage. 
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    MairePoppyshort+sassyCMGragain
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