Wedding Woes

Non Prudie "The first step is to admit she doesn't want the cat"

I have a cat situation, similar to the one from last week's Prudie, that I'd LOVE advice for.  I'd been fostering cats for the Humane Society for a few years, and one of my friends decided that meant I would be willing to take her cat while she was out of the country, despite me saying no to her repeatedly.  I don't actually like cats overly much ... I volunteer because I want to help animals that need help, and while I have them I spoil them rotten, but don't actually want to own any long term.  I've had her cat since the beginning of the year, and she's been back in the country since August.  I still have her cat.  She's been making a lot of rather lame excuses not to have the cat back.  At this point, she's proving herself to be a really bad pet owner and seems to have just forced this cat on me after I've repeatedly told her I didn't actually want to take it in the first place, we had agreed that she would take it back when she returned, and another point at which she would take the cat back has again passed.  She's not taking "no" for an answer.  Do I ultimatum?  "If the cat isn't gone in two weeks, I'm finding it a good home"?  Pretty sure this might ruin the friendship, but she's not being much of a friend to me right now ... just really, really annoying.  And I can't volunteer because of the cat.  Would love wording for what to say ...
Should also mention she is planning to leave the country again next month for a year, but nothing is definite yet.

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Re: Non Prudie "The first step is to admit she doesn't want the cat"

  • I did have enough supplies to last me until she  got back, but when I emailed her to tell her I ran out of kitty litter, she told me where to go to buy some ... and now I'm running low on food.

  • kerbohl said:
    I have a cat situation, similar to the one from last week's Prudie, that I'd LOVE advice for.  I'd been fostering cats for the Humane Society for a few years, and one of my friends decided that meant I would be willing to take her cat while she was out of the country, despite me saying no to her repeatedly.  I don't actually like cats overly much ... I volunteer because I want to help animals that need help, and while I have them I spoil them rotten, but don't actually want to own any long term.  I've had her cat since the beginning of the year, and she's been back in the country since August.  I still have her cat.  She's been making a lot of rather lame excuses not to have the cat back.  At this point, she's proving herself to be a really bad pet owner and seems to have just forced this cat on me after I've repeatedly told her I didn't actually want to take it in the first place, we had agreed that she would take it back when she returned, and another point at which she would take the cat back has again passed.  She's not taking "no" for an answer.  Do I ultimatum?  "If the cat isn't gone in two weeks, I'm finding it a good home"?  Pretty sure this might ruin the friendship, but she's not being much of a friend to me right now ... just really, really annoying.  And I can't volunteer because of the cat.  Would love wording for what to say ...
    Should also mention she is planning to leave the country again next month for a year, but nothing is definite yet.
    Can you re-home the cat to someone else?  

    Fuck the friendship.   You took on the time and expense to care for a living animal for a friend and she's shirking her agreed upon obligation.

    At this point I'd say, "We agreed that you'd take Kitty back when you came back.   I will need you to come get the cat by the 4th and if you don't I completely understand.   At that point I'll start looking for a new home for him/her." 

    I'd make it clear that if the 5th comes and the cat's in your house, it's fate is no longer her decision.   If that makes her grumpy I'd be really clear that she's already abused your kindness, goodwill and finances.  Time's up.
  • What a jerk! Definitely say that you cannot take care of her cat anylonger so she either needs to get it by XYZ date or you will find it a new home. I could see it being friendship-ending but like you said she isn't being much of a friend to you and if she's going to be out of the country for the next year anyway, who cares
  • Agree with the other PPs.  It's definitely ultimatum time.  If it ruins the friendship, it's not much a friendship.  It would basically be her being mad at you for no longer continuing the HUGE favor you've already been doing for months.  F**k that!

    The one piece of info in your post that I find quite telling is the fact that she is possibly going out of the country...again...next month.  For a year.  I bet her end game is she is waiting until she knows for sure.  And then if she does leave.  Whoops!  She's gone again and hopes you'll just still keep the cat.

    And she's telling you where to go buy cat litter?  Puh-leez.  How to very purposefully miss the point of that conversation.

    One caveat I'll add.  Because I watch too much People's Court, lol.  Is put your ultimatum in writing.  Like a text or e-mail.  So you have proof that she was given "notice" that the cat would be given away if it wasn't retrieved by X date.


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  • It's unfortunate if SHE DECIDES that after abusing your goodwill for nearly a full year she'll end the friendship because she has to adult.   But I assume that she is an adult and sometimes that means hard choices.  Tough cookies.  
  • ernursej said:
    Send her a registered letter outlining your original agreement, you attempts to get her cat back to her and then a date 2 weeks from the date the letter is sent that you will be arriving to return the cat to her. Include that after those two weeks, the cat will be kept by you, sent to a shelter or rehomed at your discretion. I would also include an itemized list of the expenses incurred during the cats extended stay with demands for her to pay up. You can decide to go to court to get ownership rights and payment or just hope she takes the cat back. 
    This is a good idea. Have something in writing. I'd probably send a registered letter, an email and a text. Because I have absolutely seen cases like this end up on Judge Judy. 
  • This is totally a potential Judge Judy (because Judy is a cat lover). But really, this sucks. It's her cat that she, at least somewhat, cared about when she took it in. She's taking advantage of you, it's unfair, and it's past the time when she should have taken responsibility. I agree, something in writing and if she does not come and get the cat you make your own arrangements. 

    Poor cat. 
  • If it were me, I'd take the cat to her place, knock on the door, literally put it in her arms or set it inside her place, and then leave. 

    Is that not an option?

    ETA: If you "said no to her repeatedly," how did you end up with the cat in the first place?!
    She wanted me to take it earlier, but after I said no a whole bunch of times, she made me feel guilty and I took it for part of the time she was gone, which ended up being longer than expected.  Also, she just recently got married and I don't know where she is living - she has sort of been bouncing around and I think she's at her parents, who do not allow pets, and if not she's at her husband's parents, and apparently that's "too long a drive" for the cat.  

  • edited October 2017
    kerbohl said:
    If it were me, I'd take the cat to her place, knock on the door, literally put it in her arms or set it inside her place, and then leave. 

    Is that not an option?

    ETA: If you "said no to her repeatedly," how did you end up with the cat in the first place?!
    She wanted me to take it earlier, but after I said no a whole bunch of times, she made me feel guilty and I took it for part of the time she was gone, which ended up being longer than expected.  Also, she just recently got married and I don't know where she is living - she has sort of been bouncing around and I think she's at her parents, who do not allow pets, and if not she's at her husband's parents, and apparently that's "too long a drive" for the cat.  
    I didn’t know cats could drive. :D


    Dammit. I had a whole post on here that got deleted when I hit post.

    What I had tried to post was longer, but essentially, it’s a shitty position she put you in, taking advantage of your kindness towards animals. You should give her an ultimatum and an itemized bill and put her in the position of adulting and actually having to be a responsible pet owner for once. 
  • kerbohl said:
    If it were me, I'd take the cat to her place, knock on the door, literally put it in her arms or set it inside her place, and then leave. 

    Is that not an option?

    ETA: If you "said no to her repeatedly," how did you end up with the cat in the first place?!
    She wanted me to take it earlier, but after I said no a whole bunch of times, she made me feel guilty and I took it for part of the time she was gone, which ended up being longer than expected.  Also, she just recently got married and I don't know where she is living - she has sort of been bouncing around and I think she's at her parents, who do not allow pets, and if not she's at her husband's parents, and apparently that's "too long a drive" for the cat.  
    Honestly, I don't think I'd care. I'd stick it in a kennel and take it anyway and drop it off. 

    And too too long of a drive. What? Stick food and water in the kennel and it'll be fine. 

    If you don't want to do that, totally give an ulitmatum. "You have one week to get the cat and give me $x for supplies. If not, I'm taking it to a shelter."
  • kerbohl said:
    If it were me, I'd take the cat to her place, knock on the door, literally put it in her arms or set it inside her place, and then leave. 

    Is that not an option?

    ETA: If you "said no to her repeatedly," how did you end up with the cat in the first place?!
    She wanted me to take it earlier, but after I said no a whole bunch of times, she made me feel guilty and I took it for part of the time she was gone, which ended up being longer than expected.  Also, she just recently got married and I don't know where she is living - she has sort of been bouncing around and I think she's at her parents, who do not allow pets, and if not she's at her husband's parents, and apparently that's "too long a drive" for the cat.  

    ((Side eye)).  My H and I have evacuated with our cat...twice. 12+ hour drives.

    No.  She doesn't like it.  Drugs from the vet help substantially.  I highly recommend.  They turned down the volume on her constant angry meows by 95%.  More of a "muttering under her breath", drunken sounding meow.

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  • kerbohl said:
    If it were me, I'd take the cat to her place, knock on the door, literally put it in her arms or set it inside her place, and then leave. 

    Is that not an option?

    ETA: If you "said no to her repeatedly," how did you end up with the cat in the first place?!
    She wanted me to take it earlier, but after I said no a whole bunch of times, she made me feel guilty and I took it for part of the time she was gone, which ended up being longer than expected.  Also, she just recently got married and I don't know where she is living - she has sort of been bouncing around and I think she's at her parents, who do not allow pets, and if not she's at her husband's parents, and apparently that's "too long a drive" for the cat.  

    ((Side eye)).  My H and I have evacuated with our cat...twice. 12+ hour drives.

    No.  She doesn't like it.  Drugs from the vet help substantially.  I highly recommend.  They turned down the volume on her constant angry meows by 95%.  More of a "muttering under her breath", drunken sounding meow.

    I'm now picturing the cat basically muttering "son of a .... damn drive .... stupid humans put me in a cage" like when you take a drunk person home and they're still partly awake and just bitching about being taken home lmfao
    Omg I’m crying this is so hilarious!!!
  • Update!
    So she is apparently in town and asked to meet up, while also asking me to take her cat for another year, because it turns out, yep, she's leaving the country again.  She told me that if I couldn't, she'd have to get the cat micro chipped and take her with them.  I told her that taking the cat with her sounds like the best option, so she should pick up the cat while she is in town and get her ready for that.  She did not reply to the message and did not arrange to meet .  Instead, she now has a Facebook status update asking anyone to take the cat for a year.  She still has not replied with me to say what is happening in the meantime while she finds another person.  
    ***slams head against desk***

  • kerbohl said:
    Update!
    So she is apparently in town and asked to meet up, while also asking me to take her cat for another year, because it turns out, yep, she's leaving the country again.  She told me that if I couldn't, she'd have to get the cat micro chipped and take her with them.  I told her that taking the cat with her sounds like the best option, so she should pick up the cat while she is in town and get her ready for that.  She did not reply to the message and did not arrange to meet .  Instead, she now has a Facebook status update asking anyone to take the cat for a year.  She still has not replied with me to say what is happening in the meantime while she finds another person.  
    ***slams head against desk***
    I think you need to be firm.   Even respond on the FB post.

    "Hey, you never got back to me!   I have your cat but after X day I'm going to ne to put him/her in a shelter.  Please set a date with me to come get kitty if you plan to do so beforehand."

    My honest opinion is that you are being too nice here.   You said "I think that's the beset option."   You need to phrase things with her so that she will see that her inaction has consequences for the cat.   Otherwise she's going to use you to buy her own time.   Believe me I don't want to be abrupt either but if you don't tell her about any consequences she will continue to believe she has none. 
  • At this point, I'm wondering why she even wants someone to "keep the cat for her".  She hasn't had the cat for around 10 months, at this point.  Wants to pawn it off on someone else for another year.

    And, after that?  Sounds like she has a career where she often chooses to work internationally.

    Umm..hello?!?  Now is not a good time for her to have a pet.  She should just let it go.  Plus she obviously isn't close enough to this cat to WANT to spend the few months she is in the U.S. with it.  Or look into the requirements to take the cat with her.  It can be  PITA.  They often have to go into quarantine for awhile.  But hardly an impossibility.

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  • At this point, I'm wondering why she even wants someone to "keep the cat for her".  She hasn't had the cat for around 10 months, at this point.  Wants to pawn it off on someone else for another year.

    And, after that?  Sounds like she has a career where she often chooses to work internationally.

    Umm..hello?!?  Now is not a good time for her to have a pet.  She should just let it go.  Plus she obviously isn't close enough to this cat to WANT to spend the few months she is in the U.S. with it.  Or look into the requirements to take the cat with her.  It can be  PITA.  They often have to go into quarantine for awhile.  But hardly an impossibility.

    When I moved to the Netherlands for two years, my rabbits would have had to spend six months in quarantine, which would have been crazy.  Fortunately, my parents figured keeping my rabbits would stop them from missing me, so I had someone to take them, but if I hadn't, I would have found a way to take them with me.  It's hard to take a pet while going overseas, but yeah, definitely doable.  

    It does sound like she wants to live fulltime in this other country, so I just don't see why she still isn't taking the cat with her.

    Just want to take a sec to thank you all for the advice and letting me vent - it has been really helpful!  I'll set a deadline (instead of saying "hey, since you are in town you should pick up the cat right now") and see where it goes from there, because just telling her to pick up her cat didn't work.   

  • kerbohl said:

    At this point, I'm wondering why she even wants someone to "keep the cat for her".  She hasn't had the cat for around 10 months, at this point.  Wants to pawn it off on someone else for another year.

    And, after that?  Sounds like she has a career where she often chooses to work internationally.

    Umm..hello?!?  Now is not a good time for her to have a pet.  She should just let it go.  Plus she obviously isn't close enough to this cat to WANT to spend the few months she is in the U.S. with it.  Or look into the requirements to take the cat with her.  It can be  PITA.  They often have to go into quarantine for awhile.  But hardly an impossibility.

    When I moved to the Netherlands for two years, my rabbits would have had to spend six months in quarantine, which would have been crazy.  Fortunately, my parents figured keeping my rabbits would stop them from missing me, so I had someone to take them, but if I hadn't, I would have found a way to take them with me.  It's hard to take a pet while going overseas, but yeah, definitely doable.  

    It does sound like she wants to live fulltime in this other country, so I just don't see why she still isn't taking the cat with her.

    Just want to take a sec to thank you all for the advice and letting me vent - it has been really helpful!  I'll set a deadline (instead of saying "hey, since you are in town you should pick up the cat right now") and see where it goes from there, because just telling her to pick up her cat didn't work.   
    I am so sorry she's taking advantage of your goodwill.

    She doesn't sound like she's fit to be an animal owner! 
  • Oh, also, if she doesn't pick up the cat, I would send the letter as described above, but I would cite the stray hold in your state (7 days or whatever) and say she has that many days to pick up the cat or you consider it abandoned and will place it in a shelter or attempt to rehome it.  

  • Ro041 said:
    You are very kind for taking care of her cat for such a long time.  She better have a very nice gift for you when she picks up the cat (along with the expenses she owes).  If she doesn't, she's a bi*ch.

    As an aside, one time I watched a co-worker's dog while he and his family went on a very expensive Disney vacation.  He had the gall to tell me that since I loved dogs, he figured he was doing me a favor.  When they returned from their 8 day vacation, he gave me a 28 pack of Rolling Rock.  It was a 28 pack because he drank two of the beers before he picked up the dog.  I don't even like Rolling Rock.

    Oh!  Speaking of gifts and ingratitude.  Now my juices are flowing, lol.

    I met one of my good friends at our (now) former workplace.  She happened to live near our big boss and she was also friends with him and his wife.  The project we were working on started slowing down and she was laid off.  Less than a month later, the big boss asked if she wouldn't mind watching their dog and two cats while they went on a 2-week vacation.  Didn't offer her a dime.  To be fair, she didn't ask for one.  I told her she should, especially considering her circumstances.

    When they got home, didn't pay her a dime.  Didn't even give her any kind of gift.  And, not that it necessarily matters, but this is a guy who makes a very hefty 6-figure salary.  $200 would have been nothing to him and still a bargain compared to the service she provided.  I was really incensed for her.

    A few years ago, my H and I watched a coworker's dog for two weeks.  I certainly didn't expect any money and we probably would have refused it if it was offered.  However, she didn't give us anything.  Obviously, we did what we did to help her out.  Not for a gift.

    But, still.  I find it to be such poor form to not give a token of appreciation when someone has done someone else a big favor.  Especially a big favor that saves the other person a lot of money.  And, when the shoe is on the other foot, I always give at least a thoughtful gift.  And often a gift and money, based on amount of time and/or work involved.

    The one caveat I'll give to that is I'm sure there can be exceptions.  Like friends/family who often trade those kinds of favors.  But I'm not seeing a reason for an exception in @kerbhol's, @Ro041's, or my stories.

    @Ro041, your Rolling Rock story reminds me of commercials or a scene in a tv show that you'll sometimes see during Valentine's Day.  Where a guy arrives to pick up his date with roses...and a half-eaten box of chocolates, lol.

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  • At this point, I'm wondering why she even wants someone to "keep the cat for her".  She hasn't had the cat for around 10 months, at this point.  Wants to pawn it off on someone else for another year.

    And, after that?  Sounds like she has a career where she often chooses to work internationally.

    Umm..hello?!?  Now is not a good time for her to have a pet.  She should just let it go.  Plus she obviously isn't close enough to this cat to WANT to spend the few months she is in the U.S. with it.  Or look into the requirements to take the cat with her.  It can be  PITA.  They often have to go into quarantine for awhile.  But hardly an impossibility.

    I almost posted this earlier. 

    H and I would love to have a dog. We both grew up with dogs and would love our children to grow up with one, we both love dogs, we both like having a pet around. BUT, we rent. Sure, people have pets and rent, but having a pet, a least where we live from my perusals of Craig's List, reduces your available options by at least 75 percent. When we get a dog, we plan to get a puppy, and I don't look forward to house-breaking a puppy in a rental with carpet. My daughter was having naked-bottom time to air out, rolled off the mat and peed on the carpet. It's hard enough to keep her from doing that, not to mention a dog! 

    So we have decided to not get a pet until we own our own place because we're responsible adults and realize now is not a good time for a dog. 
  • Oh, btw, Purdue had an almost identical issue in today's chat!

    Q. One cat, two cat: My roommate no longer lives with me, in most senses of the word. She has slowly moved into her boyfriend’s house, and while she used to spend a reasonable amount of time at “home” in our apartment, the most she does now is come home during an off day to clean and do laundry, or pop by for a 30-minute stop-in for fresh clothes or a meal. Honestly, I have no problem with her not living here. I’d like to see her more, but it’s not a deal-breaker for me as long as she pays her bills. However, her cat does still live in the apartment. Therefore, I have been tasked with making sure she is fed and watered, has clean kitty litter, is played with, given attention, et cetera.

    When we moved in, I adopted my own cat—a low-maintenance grandpa who does not need excessive amounts of attention—but her cat is quite the opposite. My roommate’s cat steals, breaks, and generally gets into my belongings, demands attention (because she doesn’t get any from her actual owner), and fights with my cat when she doesn’t get the attention she wants. But even if she was well-behaved: She’s not my cat. I adopted one cat, but now I have two, and I would not have chosen to adopt the cat I have been “gifted” by my roommate. Living with her would have been fine, but I am not comfortable or happy being solely responsible for her care. My roommate has already mentioned that at most, her boyfriend would only allow her cat to “visit” once every two weeks. How can I make this work without hurting my roommate’s feelings—or completely ignoring her neglected pet?

    A: I don’t think that “not hurting your roommate’s feelings” is the highest possible good to be achieved in your situation! Of course you should be polite when you speak to her. There’s no need to call her names or go out of your way to insult her, but beyond that, not hurting her feelings should not be your aim. Your aim should be to communicate the following: That your living situation has recently and obviously changed, that you are now the default primary caregiver for your roommate’s cat, that this situation cannot continue, and that you are asking her to come up with an alternate solution. The fact that your roommate’s boyfriend seems uninterested in letting the cat move in with them is not your problem to solve. If your roommate’s response to this conversation is, “But my boyfriend can’t take her in,” then your response gets to be, “I’m sorry to hear that! But the cat is yours, and this current arrangement isn’t working. What are you going to do instead?”

  • Ro041 said:
    I also foster for an animal rescue, and unfortunately, friends think that means you love animals and want to care for their animals free of charge because you just love animals so much.  

    I would tell her she needs to pick the cat up.  Tell her that you cannot foster because her cat is there and there is a shelter cat that needs the space in your home.  If you don't have space in your home, the cat will be euthanized.  Tell her, for that same reason, you cannot take care of her cat next year.  There are countless cats you haven't met yet who need your home because it would save their lives.  If she doesn't respect that, she's a bi*ch.

    You are very kind for taking care of her cat for such a long time.  She better have a very nice gift for you when she picks up the cat (along with the expenses she owes).  If she doesn't, she's a bi*ch.

    As an aside, one time I watched a co-worker's dog while he and his family went on a very expensive Disney vacation.  He had the gall to tell me that since I loved dogs, he figured he was doing me a favor.  When they returned from their 8 day vacation, he gave me a 28 pack of Rolling Rock.  It was a 28 pack because he drank two of the beers before he picked up the dog.  I don't even like Rolling Rock.
    Doesn't that annoy you, that people just assume that you love all animals because you do it?  I will admit, this is true for rabbits for me (and mostly because my rabbit is lonely and would love a friend short-term, and I get free hay so it doesn't cost much for me to take them in), but not cats or dogs.  Just because I foster them, doesn't mean I'll "foster" the animals of people whose pets aren't in need.  It's not a favour to make a person watch their animal!

    As to the fostering though, this situation has made my DH promise me to wait a bit before we take another cat because he needs a break, so I still have to wait to be a foster parent again.  

    @lovesclimbing I didn't go to the dorms in university because they wouldn't accept pets, so I was coming from the opposite end - I had to give up housing in order to keep my animals.  Even having rabbits significantly reduces where you can rent.  They need more pet-friendly apartments!

    Another update: gave her a date to pick up the cat, told her that I was feeling used with this whole situation and that while she was looking for alternative  care for the year, she needed to have her cat since that wasn't my responsibility.  She said she understood and would pick up the cat asap, but has not yet said when.  I suppose I'll believe it when the cat is out of my house.

  • kerbohl said:
    Ro041 said:
    I also foster for an animal rescue, and unfortunately, friends think that means you love animals and want to care for their animals free of charge because you just love animals so much.  

    I would tell her she needs to pick the cat up.  Tell her that you cannot foster because her cat is there and there is a shelter cat that needs the space in your home.  If you don't have space in your home, the cat will be euthanized.  Tell her, for that same reason, you cannot take care of her cat next year.  There are countless cats you haven't met yet who need your home because it would save their lives.  If she doesn't respect that, she's a bi*ch.

    You are very kind for taking care of her cat for such a long time.  She better have a very nice gift for you when she picks up the cat (along with the expenses she owes).  If she doesn't, she's a bi*ch.

    As an aside, one time I watched a co-worker's dog while he and his family went on a very expensive Disney vacation.  He had the gall to tell me that since I loved dogs, he figured he was doing me a favor.  When they returned from their 8 day vacation, he gave me a 28 pack of Rolling Rock.  It was a 28 pack because he drank two of the beers before he picked up the dog.  I don't even like Rolling Rock.
    Doesn't that annoy you, that people just assume that you love all animals because you do it?  I will admit, this is true for rabbits for me (and mostly because my rabbit is lonely and would love a friend short-term, and I get free hay so it doesn't cost much for me to take them in), but not cats or dogs.  Just because I foster them, doesn't mean I'll "foster" the animals of people whose pets aren't in need.  It's not a favour to make a person watch their animal!

    As to the fostering though, this situation has made my DH promise me to wait a bit before we take another cat because he needs a break, so I still have to wait to be a foster parent again.  

    @lovesclimbing I didn't go to the dorms in university because they wouldn't accept pets, so I was coming from the opposite end - I had to give up housing in order to keep my animals.  Even having rabbits significantly reduces where you can rent.  They need more pet-friendly apartments!

    Another update: gave her a date to pick up the cat, told her that I was feeling used with this whole situation and that while she was looking for alternative  care for the year, she needed to have her cat since that wasn't my responsibility.  She said she understood and would pick up the cat asap, but has not yet said when.  I suppose I'll believe it when the cat is out of my house.
    This is why you need to say "If the cat isn't out of my house by X date because YOU took the cat, the cat will be out because I removed it." 
  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2017
    banana468 said:
    kerbohl said:
    Ro041 said:
    I also foster for an animal rescue, and unfortunately, friends think that means you love animals and want to care for their animals free of charge because you just love animals so much.  

    I would tell her she needs to pick the cat up.  Tell her that you cannot foster because her cat is there and there is a shelter cat that needs the space in your home.  If you don't have space in your home, the cat will be euthanized.  Tell her, for that same reason, you cannot take care of her cat next year.  There are countless cats you haven't met yet who need your home because it would save their lives.  If she doesn't respect that, she's a bi*ch.

    You are very kind for taking care of her cat for such a long time.  She better have a very nice gift for you when she picks up the cat (along with the expenses she owes).  If she doesn't, she's a bi*ch.

    As an aside, one time I watched a co-worker's dog while he and his family went on a very expensive Disney vacation.  He had the gall to tell me that since I loved dogs, he figured he was doing me a favor.  When they returned from their 8 day vacation, he gave me a 28 pack of Rolling Rock.  It was a 28 pack because he drank two of the beers before he picked up the dog.  I don't even like Rolling Rock.
    Doesn't that annoy you, that people just assume that you love all animals because you do it?  I will admit, this is true for rabbits for me (and mostly because my rabbit is lonely and would love a friend short-term, and I get free hay so it doesn't cost much for me to take them in), but not cats or dogs.  Just because I foster them, doesn't mean I'll "foster" the animals of people whose pets aren't in need.  It's not a favour to make a person watch their animal!

    As to the fostering though, this situation has made my DH promise me to wait a bit before we take another cat because he needs a break, so I still have to wait to be a foster parent again.  

    @lovesclimbing I didn't go to the dorms in university because they wouldn't accept pets, so I was coming from the opposite end - I had to give up housing in order to keep my animals.  Even having rabbits significantly reduces where you can rent.  They need more pet-friendly apartments!

    Another update: gave her a date to pick up the cat, told her that I was feeling used with this whole situation and that while she was looking for alternative  care for the year, she needed to have her cat since that wasn't my responsibility.  She said she understood and would pick up the cat asap, but has not yet said when.  I suppose I'll believe it when the cat is out of my house.
    This is why you need to say "If the cat isn't out of my house by X date because YOU took the cat, the cat will be out because I removed it." 
    Exactly. A DEADLINE. Give it.

    ETA - I know you said you gave her a date, but if it's not in Banana's ultimatum format where she knows there will be consequences for the cat, stuff is unlikely to happen. Then again, she may just forfeit the cat anyway, but at least you've made it clear that this is the last chance.
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