Etiquette

Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

ashleymay44ashleymay44
10 Comments
member
edited November 1 in Etiquette
Hi all,
I realize this may have a world of negative pushback, but I'm just looking for advice here. My fiance and I are from California, but recently moved to Florida. We plan to have the wedding in Vegas. Our parents are not footing the bill- it's all us. We're 22 and 23- just starting in the workforce without a huge budget. The package we're looking at is at the MGM Grand and is all inclusive with a cake-only reception, and it's perfect for our budget. Guest list is about 45 people and consists only of close family and 3 friends. However, we don't see these friends/family often because we live so far away, so we'd love to keep the celebration going after the reception and head to a restaurant of some sort after the wedding- but there's no way we could afford to feed that many people, so if they decided to join us, it would be on them. Any recommendations on how to word something like this on the invitation? We couldn't really only invite a few people because then the rest of the close-knit family will become offended.

ALSO: It is a package-deal. It's not something we can "cut" as far as budgeting, because it's a single price for everything (ceremony, cake, photography, etc). It's just a take-it-or-leave-it package. 
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Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

  • Also - it seems like you're planning a big honeymoon - I would also be bothered if I paid for dinner at a destination wedding and then the couple shipped off to Europe. 
    OliveOilsMomahoyweddingPrettyGirlLost
  • Yeah, not a fan of your plan. You are asking guests to pay for a lot. You need to reevaluate your priorities. 
  • ashleymay44ashleymay44
    10 Comments
    member
    edited November 1
    To make it clear, Vegas is not far from our families in California. It's a drive, not a flight. So as much as it is a "destination" wedding, it's really not. And yes, we're all about the honeymoon. The only reason we're having a "wedding" versus eloping is because our family would be extremely upset if they didn't get to be there at the wedding. The cost of the wedding altogether right now is about $4.4k, and that's perfect for us. We're only doing it to appease them, which is why we're not spending loads on it. If the fact that it's cake-only and a non-included dinner turns them away, honestly it just makes it cheaper for us so we don't mind. I understand the harshness in this, I just really don't care for the wedding tradition, nor do we care enough about their opinions to change this (harsh, but how I feel- I'm just being honest). But taking the advice of some on here, I will phrase on the invitation that cake is included, but they are welcome to join us at restaurant X after if they'd like. To me personally, it's not worth another couple thousand to rent out a venue or restaurant just for a single meal. Like I said, I was well aware of the disapproval that I'm opening myself up to, I'm just looking for any tips on how to present it to guests.
  • To make it clear, Vegas is not far from our families in California. It's a drive, not a flight. 
    Even if they lived on the border, it's still an hour+, so it's hotel, food, transportation to get there, etc. It's a destination, all they're saving is a flight and driving instead. If you can't host a meal, you shouldn't ask people to travel. Period. 

    Especially if you're immediately jetting off for a European honeymoon. No way. 

    Sorry, but something's got to give here.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875PrettyGirlLost
  • I understand everyone's point of view on this- I do. But I'm not budging. If they don't want to come, then don't! I'm not arguing that it's against all etiquette rules, I'm just simply asking on tips on how to approach informing the guests of the situation. 
  • I understand everyone's point of view on this- I do. But I'm not budging. If they don't want to come, then don't! I'm not arguing that it's against all etiquette rules, I'm just simply asking on tips on how to approach informing the guests of the situation. 
    Then inform them that you're eloping.

    Seriously.   Based on the way you're phrasing things, I'd call this a "nonvitation".
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • Ro041Ro041
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    To make it clear, Vegas is not far from our families in California. It's a drive, not a flight. So as much as it is a "destination" wedding, it's really not. And yes, we're all about the honeymoon. The only reason we're having a "wedding" versus eloping is because our family would be extremely upset if they didn't get to be there at the wedding. The cost of the wedding altogether right now is about $4.4k, and that's perfect for us. We're only doing it to appease them, which is why we're not spending loads on it. If the fact that it's cake-only and a non-included dinner turns them away, honestly it just makes it cheaper for us so we don't mind. I understand the harshness in this, I just really don't care for the wedding tradition, nor do we care enough about their opinions to change this (harsh, but how I feel- I'm just being honest). But taking the advice of some on here, I will phrase on the invitation that cake is included, but they are welcome to join us at restaurant X after if they'd like. To me personally, it's not worth another couple thousand to rent out a venue or restaurant just for a single meal. Like I said, I was well aware of the disapproval that I'm opening myself up to, I'm just looking for any tips on how to present it to guests.
    If I have to get a hotel room, that IS a destination wedding.  Nashville is driving distance for me, sure.  But it's in a different state and would cost me hundreds of dollars to visit, even for a night.  

    How do you know your family will be upset?  I seriously doubt that you have 42 close family members who you rarely see who are going to just be like, "ZOMG!  I have to go to Vegas to see this wedding or I'm gonna be pissed!!!!"

    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensmollybarker11ahoywedding
  • I understand everyone's point of view on this- I do. But I'm not budging. If they don't want to come, then don't! I'm not arguing that it's against all etiquette rules, I'm just simply asking on tips on how to approach informing the guests of the situation. 
    We always say that an invitation is not a summons. As a host, your responsibility is to provide chairs for everyone and food and beverage appropriate for the time of day, and reasonable other accommodations (i.e. a heated space in winter, a covered space in rain, working bathrooms, etc.). You seem to be doing this!

    It doesn't matter if you're having the event in Siberia or NYC or in the same town as most of your guests--you don't have to host a specific type of event just because of the location you're having it in. If your guests decide it's not worth the effort (time, money, whatever) to attend your well-hosted non-meal-time event, then that's fine. As we all know, an invitation is not a summons!

    As to the original question, however, your invitation should only invite them to the event that you are hosting. That's the ceremony and cake (and beverages) immediately following the ceremony. I'd put the ceremony information on the invite and then a line that says something about a cake reception immediately following.

    You are free to do absolutely anything you want after the event ends, as are they. If you all choose to go to the same place, great. But this is totally separate from you wedding and shouldn't be listed on the invite. Spread it by word of mouth "Hey, we're likely going to X restaurant after the wedding is over. Feel free to join us, or after that we're likely going to X bar and you could join us there, too. Or the next morning we'll probably have brunch at the hotel.". 
    short+sassySP29
  • To make it clear, Vegas is not far from our families in California. It's a drive, not a flight. So as much as it is a "destination" wedding, it's really not. And yes, we're all about the honeymoon. The only reason we're having a "wedding" versus eloping is because our family would be extremely upset if they didn't get to be there at the wedding. The cost of the wedding altogether right now is about $4.4k, and that's perfect for us. We're only doing it to appease them, which is why we're not spending loads on it. If the fact that it's cake-only and a non-included dinner turns them away, honestly it just makes it cheaper for us so we don't mind. I understand the harshness in this, I just really don't care for the wedding tradition, nor do we care enough about their opinions to change this (harsh, but how I feel- I'm just being honest). But taking the advice of some on here, I will phrase on the invitation that cake is included, but they are welcome to join us at restaurant X after if they'd like. To me personally, it's not worth another couple thousand to rent out a venue or restaurant just for a single meal. Like I said, I was well aware of the disapproval that I'm opening myself up to, I'm just looking for any tips on how to present it to guests.

    Just don't include this part in the invitation.  That implies becomes part of the invitation that you all are hosting dinner at the restaurant.

    This needs to be done more as a "word of mouth" mention.  I'm sure it will be a topic of conversation during the reception of "what is everybody doing tonight".  Perfect opportunity to chime in with, "FI and I are going to ABC Restaurant at 7:00.  Hey!  Anyone who wants to join us is welcome to come."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    nightnerd
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited November 1
    Cake only is not a good option. Supposing that your guests include people who can't eat cake, like diabetics and people on other restricted diets?

    Also, even though yes, you're on a budget, serving only cake to your guests does come off as "cheap." And if you don't care about how your guests feel, why are you even inviting them?
  • ashleymay44ashleymay44
    10 Comments
    member
    edited November 1
    Jen4948 Out of obligation, to be honest. We already talked over the plan with parents and the friends invited and they all don't seem to mind. But I will for sure ask around to be sure no one has any dietary restrictions- I'm fairly certain they don't but I hadn't thought of asking. Thank you!
  • short+sassy I hadn't considered that, it sounds a lot better than having it on the invitation! Thank you! :)
  • Jen4948 Out of obligation, to be honest. We already talked over the plan with parents and the friends invited and they all don't seem to mind. But I will for sure ask around to be sure no one has any dietary restrictions- I'm fairly certain they don't but I hadn't thought of asking. Thank you!
    @ashleymay44, how are you feeling obligated to invite all those people to a destination wedding but not feeling obligated to feed them a meal?? 


    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • banana468 I just don't feel that way at all- I feel obligated to invite them because they'll be offended if they're not, however if they choose not to go, that's fine- at least I can say I invited them and tried. That clears me of my obligation. If they still want to come, great! If not, we'll see them next Christmas.
  • banana468 the cake itself isn't $4.4k, the entire thing is $4.4k- the ceremony, floral, cake, photography, videography, officiant, venue, wedding planner, music & setup, etc. Vegas isn't our honeymoon, in fact, it's somewhere many of our family visits regularly. Our family is in San Diego and that's far more expensive than Vegas. 
  • banana468 I just don't feel that way at all- I feel obligated to invite them because they'll be offended if they're not, however if they choose not to go, that's fine- at least I can say I invited them and tried. That clears me of my obligation. If they still want to come, great! If not, we'll see them next Christmas.
    The point most people are trying to make is that chances are, at least a portion will STILL be offended by a your lack of hospitality. 
    PrettyGirlLost
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