Etiquette

Help with relatives

CMGragainCMGragain
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edited November 8 in Etiquette
OK, DH is being a dumb ass.  His niece is getting married in Pasedena, CA.  We are the only close family she has left.  They are wealthy.  Niece has politely sent an STD that tells us that there are four hotels within walking distance of her ceremony and reception, and has blocked off rooms at a special rate for us.

I reserved a room for two nights at the Hilton.  This will cover rehearsal dinner and wedding day.  Other family will also be there.  Sounds good, right?

DH wants to stay at the Burbank-Glendale Travel Lodge!  It is cheap (oh, yeah, right).  He says we only have to come to the ceremony and reception, and then we can leave.  He doesn't want to stay at the Hilton, or any of the other hotels his niece arranged for us.  I cannot drive in LA, and I have seen DH panick at the traffic.  We would need to rent a car or take a taxi.

I have told him that he is welcome to stay at the Burbank Travel Lodge, but that I will be staying at the Hilton.  Am I wrong?  Is DH being ridiculous?  He never has understood wedding protocol since we got married in such a hurry.  He's still whining about the cost of daughter's wedding in Maryland, and that was more than six years ago.  He just wants cheap.  I am disgusted.

Help!   Can you think of anything to persuade an engineer that cost isn't the point when you are celebrating a wedding?  FFS, we have the money!
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Re: Help with relatives

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I'm with you, let him stay at the Travel Lodge and you stay at the Hilton -for two nights!
    CMGragain
  • SP29SP29
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    Appeal to his sense of reason and logic (which he isn't using right now!).

    His engineering brain shouldn't be able to ignore that if you stay at a cheap hotel farther away it's going to cost you more in travel (rental or taxi) and time.

    Then you can tell him how you would like to enjoy the LA area while you are in town- the trip doesn't *just* have to be about attending the wedding.

    If he's still being big headed, you can stay at the Hilton for 2 days and he can stay at a lodge ;).
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • I'd appeal to his sense of travel.

    1) The fear of local streets.
    2) The unknown travel spots. 

    Beyond that, will you get together with family while out there?  Where are they staying?   Do you intend to leave a restaurant and not grab drinks with any other family members?    

    Will you see them after the RD?   Breakfast the morning of the wedding?   If you have a minimum of a half hour ride everywhere what does that do to the logistics of seeing family members? 

    Finally you can say, "This isn't a savings because I'm staying at the Hilton so we would be paying for two hotel rooms, a rental for you and a taxi or Uber for me." 
    short+sassy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    This has nothing to do with Wedding protocol, he’s just cheap and pigheaded. Tell him he can do what he wants, but you will be staying in the Hilton because it is convenient. Idk what your niece being wealthy has to do with anything. 

    Yes, I wouldn't bring "this is what you do for weddings" into it, because a) he doesn't understand and b) it's not actually about the wedding, so it will only confuse him more.

    This is about how sometimes, when you have the money, it is worth it to pay for convenience. Stay at the Hilton regardless.

    Anniversary

    SP29
  • Yeah I would do the math for him. He's probably just thinking in very black and white terms, like the hotel costs $X without considering the additional finances that would come with that.
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    eileenrob
  • Ugh I used to ALWAYS do this....just look a the initial cost (hotel) and not factor in anything like transportation. You're definitely right here...you'll probably save in transportation costs, time & stress staying at the hotel the wedding is at. Tell him it will be a much more enjoyable vacation (with a much happier wife!!), plus you can spend more time with the other guests (and possibly the couple).
    short+sassycharlotte989875eileenrob
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    All I see / hear is this





    Anniversary
    charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited November 8
    He is saying that we don't have an invitation yet (Of course not!  The wedding isn't until May!) and that we don't know if we are invited to the rehearsal dinner or not.  I am still furious at him.
    I think his big problem is that he has little experience with weddings.  Most of our family eloped.  His family was never close, but we are the only relatives that the bride has in the USA.  I doubt that the rest will come from overseas.  I don't want to be embarrassed by DH, or to disappoint the bride, who has done nothing wrong.  My daughter and her husband have already made their reservations at the Hilton, too, and my son might decide to come.
    About the "wealthy", I get your comment.  His family considers the Hilton to be a budget hotel, and they are staying at the Langham Huntindon instead.  There has been a history of FOB flaunting his financial success, and most of the more distant relatives can't stand him.  He misbehaved at daughter's wedding, too, but nobody paid attention to him.  Well, that isn't the bride's fault, is it?  Our niece is a lovely young lady.
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  • CMGragain said:
    He is saying that we don't have an invitation yet (Of course not!  The wedding isn't until May!) and that we don't know if we are invited to the rehearsal dinner or not.  I am still furious at him.
    I think his big problem is that he has little experience with weddings.  Most of our family eloped.  His family was never close, but we are the only relatives that the bride has in the USA.  I doubt that the rest will come from overseas.  I don't want to be embarrassed by DH, or to disappoint the bride, who has done nothing wrong.
    That has nothing to do with whether you book the Travel Lodge or the Hilton... It's the number of nights, not WHERE. He's just arguing to argue.

    You already reserved two nights at the Hilton, so your arrangements are made. He has two options: 1) join you; or 2) don't.

    It sounds like you're letting yourself get a bit wrapped up in this. The wedding is in May. Tell him now what his options are and let it ride. 
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    CMGragainjustsieInLoveInQueensSP29
  • CMGragain said:
    He is saying that we don't have an invitation yet (Of course not!  The wedding isn't until May!) and that we don't know if we are invited to the rehearsal dinner or not.  I am still furious at him.
    I think his big problem is that he has little experience with weddings.  Most of our family eloped.  His family was never close, but we are the only relatives that the bride has in the USA.  I doubt that the rest will come from overseas.  I don't want to be embarrassed by DH, or to disappoint the bride, who has done nothing wrong.
    That has nothing to do with whether you book the Travel Lodge or the Hilton... It's the number of nights, not WHERE. He's just arguing to argue.

    You already reserved two nights at the Hilton, so your arrangements are made. He has two options: 1) join you; or 2) don't.

    It sounds like you're letting yourself get a bit wrapped up in this. The wedding is in May. Tell him now what his options are and let it ride. 
    All of this.   At this point I'd tell him that going to his place means one household has two hotels.   

    Let him be the one to adjust the plans and force himself to multiple locations.
    charlotte989875justsie
  • @CMGragain, Oye!  He just needs to see the light!  You are SO right on this one!

    I grew up in in south Orange County, CA.  I cut my driving teeth on that kind of heavy traffic.  And even I get very nervous driving in the L.A. area.  My mom's lived in OC since the mid '60s.  She's refused to drive anywhere near L.A. for the last 20 years. 

    It's very stressful driving, especially when you're not familiar with the area.

    To put this in perspective.  Throughout the year, there are sometimes unbelievable r/t fares of $86-$120 from NOLA to LA.  As opposed to the $300-$350 it is to fly into OC or San Diego.  Still not worth it to me!  Even saving $500ish in airfare for two people.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875
  • You guys are great!  Thank you for calming me down.  After 41 years married, he knows how to push my buttons.  I don't know why he is doing it.  It is HIS family!  If my late MIL were around, she would make his life pure misery over this, and she knew exactly how to do it!
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    CMGragain said:
    He is saying that we don't have an invitation yet (Of course not!  The wedding isn't until May!) and that we don't know if we are invited to the rehearsal dinner or not.  I am still furious at him.
    I think his big problem is that he has little experience with weddings.  Most of our family eloped.  His family was never close, but we are the only relatives that the bride has in the USA.  I doubt that the rest will come from overseas.  I don't want to be embarrassed by DH, or to disappoint the bride, who has done nothing wrong.  My daughter and her husband have already made their reservations at the Hilton, too, and my son might decide to come.
    About the "wealthy", I get your comment.  His family considers the Hilton to be a budget hotel, and they are staying at the Langham Huntindon instead.  There has been a history of FOB flaunting his financial success, and most of the more distant relatives can't stand him.  He misbehaved at daughter's wedding, too, but nobody paid attention to him.  Well, that isn't the bride's fault, is it?  Our niece is a lovely young lady.

    I still don't see how any of this is relevant to a wedding. It's a matter of where makes sense to stay. I get that he might be concerned over booking one night or two, but you've already done it, so that ship is ready to go and he can board or not.

    Where you or he chooses to stay does not reflect on the bride at all. I'm not sure why anyone besides you two would need to know where you're staying.

    Anniversary

    MyNameIsNot
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited November 8

    I still don't see how any of this is relevant to a wedding. It's a matter of where makes sense to stay. I get that he might be concerned over booking one night or two, but you've already done it, so that ship is ready to go and he can board or not.

    Where you or he chooses to stay does not reflect on the bride at all. I'm not sure why anyone besides you two would need to know where you're staying.
    Yeah, in a "normal" family, this would be true.  His family has never run by normal standards.  Maybe that is why the others eloped?  I know DH and I came very close to it 41 years ago.  This will be the only DH family wedding that we ever attend.
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  • I think knowing that your daughter will be there also gives you the answer.   He can decide to go somewhere else and not see his kid.
    charlotte989875eileenrobahoywedding
  • edited November 8
    My H was always looking to stay wherever was cheapest, until I took over booking the hotels for weddings and he realized how convenient it was to stay right where the wedding was being held and not have to worry about cabs/rides and dropping off cars. We saved little to no money staying further out and it was always a pain in the ass. 

    But I agree with everyone else; lay out the costs, tell him that’s where your daughter is staying, that’s where you’ll be staying, and he’s free to make his own alternative plans. But of course that will cost even more since you’ll be at the Hilton. 
  • CMGragain said:
    He is saying that we don't have an invitation yet (Of course not!  The wedding isn't until May!) and that we don't know if we are invited to the rehearsal dinner or not.  I am still furious at him.
    I think his big problem is that he has little experience with weddings.  Most of our family eloped.  His family was never close, but we are the only relatives that the bride has in the USA.  I doubt that the rest will come from overseas.  I don't want to be embarrassed by DH, or to disappoint the bride, who has done nothing wrong.  My daughter and her husband have already made their reservations at the Hilton, too, and my son might decide to come.
    About the "wealthy", I get your comment.  His family considers the Hilton to be a budget hotel, and they are staying at the Langham Huntindon instead.  There has been a history of FOB flaunting his financial success, and most of the more distant relatives can't stand him.  He misbehaved at daughter's wedding, too, but nobody paid attention to him.  Well, that isn't the bride's fault, is it?  Our niece is a lovely young lady.
    We knew we weren't going to the rehearsal dinner, yet we went to the hotel ahead of time. Gave us time to wander the area, relax and enjoy our time.

    We stayed at a Hilton, and from what I've heard they are closer to local things than Travel-Lodge.

    Appeal to age? Does he really wanna travel that far?
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