Wedding Woes

This is a sad 4 women in the world.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a trans woman who’s been in a relationship with a queer cis girl for a couple years. It has slowly come out that my partner wants to “date people who have vaginas.” She’s told me before that she sees herself as having been historically deprived of the ability to date people with vaginas because society has primed her relationship life to involve “people who have penises.” I feel hurt by this analysis, because I honestly have never seen any societal
forces compelling anyone to date trans people like me. This line of logic also seems disingenuous given that she was raised in a cis lesbian household. I feel hurt and inadequate. When we have conversations about this, the conversation always unfolds with her in the role of the victim. This is a difficult dynamic to escape, because she is better than me at using sound social justice rhetoric. I know people are entitled to their preferences, but I feel betrayed since she concealed this until until afterwe’d fallen in love. Am I taking this too personally? I feel very bad about my body and my partner has always been the one place I could go to feel like nothing was wrong with it.


—Just Want to Feel Normal

Re: This is a sad 4 women in the world.

  • This honestly sounds like a deeper frustration with societal acceptance and understanding of trans people in general. LW is justified in feeling frustrated with THAT, but not with this relationship. Girlfriend has been clear that she simply wants a vagina and LW doesn't have one. Girlfriend is allowed to have as simple a reason as that.
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  • I also wonder how in love they are.   I think the LW is in love with the cis girl.   I think the cis girl is on the fence at best. 

    I feel for the LW truly.   But this sounds like something that may also be the case of the partner feeling the need to experience something else and "She's just not that into you."   

    I know it's just a letter but I feel like the LW also needs some counseling.   I'm getting whiffs of codependency in some of that writing.   LW needs to be comfortable first BEFORE embarking on a relationship.    
    missJeanLouisecharlotte989875short+sassymrsconn23
  • I feel for the LW, I really do. Breaking up, for any reason, is really hard and add on the difficulty of feeling bad about your body and it's just really tough. But that being said the GF wants something different, and yes she wasn't truthful about it, but at the end of the day she wants out and you have to respect that. 
    short+sassymrsconn23
  • Cis girl is a \#/ for oh so many reasons and she's gaslighting LW for some reason, instead of just breaking up with LW.  




    charlotte989875
  • This honestly sounds like a deeper frustration with societal acceptance and understanding of trans people in general. LW is justified in feeling frustrated with THAT, but not with this relationship. Girlfriend has been clear that she simply wants a vagina and LW doesn't have one. Girlfriend is allowed to have as simple a reason as that.
    Yeah but I disagree with how neutrally you phrased this. Girlfriend can then break up with LW. It’s really terrible to just whine about how your partner isn’t what you need because of something they can’t change. 
    VarunaTT
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