Etiquette

Should I assume I'm invited [first round]

auriannaaurianna
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edited December 4 in Etiquette

So I posted another thread about being invited to a local bridal luncheon (for an OOT wedding) with a multitude of weirdness (including a link to the wedding website on an insert so that we could find the registry information).

So the wedding is out of town in early February. I never received a save the date and I have not received an invitation (but it's a hair more than 8 weeks out so I wasn't concerned).


Today I noticed there is an RSVP portion on the wedding website.

I typed my name in for kicks. Both my husband and I are listed. So are some other married couples we're friends with. I checked another friend and she's on here but her fiancé is not.

Then I noticed the RSVP section said to please RSVP by December 20.


So... to sum up:

I have not received an invitation to a wedding that's two months away that I am supposedly supposed to RSVP to in two weeks' time.

I've been invited to a pre-wedding event but not a traditionally gift-giving one. I got the invite on Friday.

I think it's also very possible the insert with the wedding website in the bridal luncheon invite was put there by the hostess without clearance by the bride.

Other factor: Judging by the website this is a fancy-pants wedding. They wouldn't just not send paper invitations.


So my friends and I are debating whether we should buy plane tickets yet. Does this sound like a B-list cluster or am I just reading too much into things?




Re: Should I assume I'm invited [first round]

  • To me, it sounds like you are invited, but perhaps just haven't received the invite yet.
  • MRDCle said:
    To me, it sounds like you are invited, but perhaps just haven't received the invite yet.

    So the Dec 20 RSVP date for a Feb 10 wedding shouldn't be hanging me up like it is?
  • Agreed with @thisismynickname2 - it doesn't hurt to ask, to at least clarify what the situation is.

    I agree is sounds odd, but I wouldn't jump to assuming you're b-list {although I see why you're thinking that way}
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    aurianna said:
    MRDCle said:
    To me, it sounds like you are invited, but perhaps just haven't received the invite yet.

    So the Dec 20 RSVP date for a Feb 10 wedding shouldn't be hanging me up like it is?
    That is weird. 

    As far as not receiving a paper invitation goes, it sounds to me like this bride may not have sent one to you because she hasn't sent them to anyone.

    I recently was invited to my cousin's wedding. He and his now wife used Facebook (cough) and I never received a paper invitation.

    This is not to say that I condone the lack of a paper invitation to you...but that may be the explanation for why you haven't received one.

    As for the RSVP date, I don't get that either unless they either don't know better or their venue is demanding a head count sooner than we Knotties would have provided one. Again, I don't condone that.
    short+sassy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    If you are sufficiently close to the happy couple to be invited to the wedding, then why not send a message to the bride or groom and just say, "Hey, we got the luncheon invite but I know the wedding is right around the corner. I don't mean to be presumptuous but are we invited? We haven't received an invitation in the mail if so..."
    If you're not close enough to warrant an awkward conversation, then to me, the plane ticket isn't worth buying in the first place. Make sense?
    Yeah. You have every right to assume you're invited based on the luncheon invite, and we had some folks with missing RSVPs whose invite had gotten lost in the mail, which we discovered on followup. If you are invited and you don't bring it up, they may not be aware. And it's on them to own the rudeness if you're not invited.

    Anniversary

    charlotte989875southernbelle0915short+sassy
  • I agree that the couple is tiering invites (Dec 20 rsvp for a February wedding? To me that sounds like there’s a B-list.). Ditto PP that said if you’re close enough to the couple (or one member of the couple) to withstand an awkward conversation, I’d come out and ask.  If you’re not that close, I wouldn’t bother with a plane ticket.
  • SP29SP29
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    edited December 4
    Dec 20th does seem an early RSVP for a Feb wedding, but they might not be B-listing. Waiting until Dec 20th to send a second round of invitations seems pretty late, I would assume an early RSVP if B listing. Besides, the invitation may have been lost in the mail, or the address was written incorrectly- it happens.

    Did your friends receive an invitation?

    I don't think it hurts to ask. "Hey Bride, I received the invitation to your Bridal Luncheon and look forward to attending! Friend and I were talking and she mentioned wanting to book flights, assuming I was invited, but we haven't received an invitation yet...".

    P.S. I would not buy plane tickets until I had an official invite to the wedding.
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • auriannaaurianna
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    edited December 4

    So I have two other close friends I'm discussing this with. One received the luncheon invite. One did not (but the one that didn't was asked for her address the same time I was and it could be in the mail today).

    None of the three of us have received wedding invites.

    They could potentially skip invites but I looked up this venue and it's serious business. I just have trouble fathoming a wedding in that venue not having paper invites.

    The venue doesn't have a dedicated caterer so maybe floating caterers need more heads-up since their scheduling isn't as predictable?


    For now I guess I'll just cool my jets. It's not 8 weeks out yet. And maybe the RSVP date is just super early because of caterer demands and/or they don't want us to forget over the holidays.

    Definitely not as close to bride as I once was. But it looks like a really cool wedding and I'd likely get to see some friends that are out of town now. And also bride is still special to me.

    If I haven't heard I will ask when wedding is 6.5 weeks out as plane tickets will likely tick up after that.

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