Customs and Traditions

Albanian weddings and things

This is a customs and traditions board and I'd like to connect with my Albanian brides. There is so much to deal with as an Albanian woman, but weddings I feel are INSANE. Growing up and going to SOOO many weddings I've noticed a couple of things: we will invite anyone and everyone to our weddings; people will complain about EVERYTHING. This post stems from the fact that my parents seem to think that I should invite people to my wedding simply because they were once upon a time invited to their event. Fiance and I want a small wedding (for us that's 150 people LOL) and are paying for this ourselves. We are lucky to make enough money to cover something we want to do and do it the way we want to. We've been nice enough to ask our parents if there are any people they'd like us to consider putting on the final list of invitations. My mom gave me her suggestions- her reasons why she wanted specific people invited RIDICULOUS, but at least she was understanding when I explained that I wouldn't consider some of them. My dad, on the other hand, is telling me to nix my list because he has people he'd rather invite that are more important to him than those on my list. For some odd reason (not actually odd just downright illogical Albanian man) he doesn't understand that this is not his wedding, people who are important to him are not important to me. Heck he can't give me some of those peoples real names or their relation to us. He was also confused that 150 is our combined total for people at the venue. There are obviously people across the ocean we need to invite as a courtesy, we will, we just know that realistically they won't be able to make it. He for some reason thinks they will (but ain't nobody giving visa's out and ain't nobody have the money). 

Is there anyone else having issues with their parents being realistic? The lack of logic in my conversation with dad, in particular, was SOOO frustrating. 

Re: Albanian weddings and things

  • Whoever pays gets a say, so sorry dad, but the guest list is out of your control. Though I would say, count on every person you invite being able to come.  Even if it seems unlikely, you don't want 10 great aunts showing up from overseas and not having a place to put them or food to feed them. 
    STARMOON44
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    If you only have room/budget for 150, don't invite more than that. What happens if the European relatives decide to come? Will you be willing and happy to accommodate them. Courtesy invites are rude.
                
  • A courtesy invite is expected. If I don't send an invite its considered rude. Realistically speaking, in this political climate, there is NO way they would be able to get a visa to get here. 
  • If your mom was able to see the light, maybe she could help out and have a come-to-Jesus talk with your dad?  I have a few friends from cultures where every single person the couple and their parents has ever known expects an invitation.  The difference is the parents were helping financially.  Budget trumps cultural expectations (unfortunately...I’m all for honoring ones culture. But in this particular case your Dad is being very unreasonable). 
  • Funnily enough, my mom suggested not sending invites to anyone out of the country (except the 3 people I'm willing to pay extra for) and invitation until like two months before the wedding. My dad, on the other hand, has stopped making invitation comments. He just wants good food/music at this point. So all is well! 
    eileenrob
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