I figured I should do a thread about this, but wasn't sure how to intro it - and then I mentioned it on E as background to a relevant post, so I'll explain briefly here.
Babyflan #2 was born on Jan 2. Everything was fine at our 39w appointment 5 days prior. I went into normal labor, and went into the hospital after about 4 hrs. I was 7 cm at triage so they sent me upstairs, and upstairs they had to do a scalp electrode to find a heartbeat, which was low. So they sent me in for an emergency C-section. Essentially, she had a cord accident, which according to the neonatologist is only this bad of an outcome in every 5000-10000 births. They couldn't keep her HR or respiration up, and she lived for about an hour.
I don't know if it happened so fast that anything could have been done if we went in earlier or not. Probably something, but there's no way we could have known and there's nothing to be done about that now. I don't think there's really any blame to be laid with anyone, us or the doctors, which makes it feel super futile in some ways but also helps in other ways. The hardest part so far has been with DD - seeing her process what we're telling her about the sibling she was so excited for has been devastating.